04/14/2025
This is why we do what we do ❤️
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I think most people are well aware of the typical sacrifices that military spouses make: extended periods of separation from their partners, relocation every few years, strain on relationships, lack of resources, distance from family and friends . . . the list goes on.
But something I don’t think enough people recognize is the sacrifice that military spouses make as far as their own careers.
There’s a very inaccurate stereotype of milspouses as “dependas” who would rather stay home and mooch off military benefits than get a job.
To the contrary, milspouses are some of the most hard-working and intelligent people I know. Many times they are just as educated and credentialed, if not more so, than their service member partners. They have a wide variety of skillsets, technical training, and professional backgrounds. They are educators, medical professionals, lawyers, therapists, musicians and artists, scientists, writers, managers, veterinarians, engineers, even government employees themselves.
But being married to a service member means that no matter what field you work in, the military comes first.
And people have absolutely no idea how difficult that is.
How difficult it is to put your own dreams or ambitions on hold indefinitely because they don’t align with what the military requires of your spouse. To turn down opportunities that would advance your career because it would interfere with theirs. To give up some of your financial independence to stay home with the kids or take a pay cut or neglect your own IRA so that your spouse can answer the call whenever and for however long they are needed.
Or even if the stars align and you’re somehow able to find a job that’s compatible with theirs (or you have really understanding employers), how difficult it is to find accommodations for your family when your spouse gets called away unexpectedly or for an extended period of time. To do all the scheduling and planning and carpooling and juggling in addition to your day job because you can’t ever depend on your spouse being there.
My friend is a surgical tech and she recently got a great job offer working the night shift three nights a week, which works perfectly with her Army husband’s schedule. Well, two days before she was supposed to start, her husband got orders to attend an advanced course for NCOs that is required before promotion to the next rank. His school was two months long.
When my friend approached the new job about it, they told her they needed someone available immediately, and she had no choice but to back out.
So the truth is there are plenty of military spouses who have careers, ambitions, and goals. And even more who would LOVE to dedicate more to them.
But the reality? A lot of the time, it’s just too difficult or too complicated or there isn’t enough flexibility or time or support to enable them to support their spouses’ careers and pursue their own careers simultaneously.
This isn’t a call for sympathy, but it is a call for awareness. I hear the phrase “just a military spouse” way more often than I should in reference to a lack of traditional employment or career path.
And I’ll be the first to tell you, it’s just not that simple.
