ELH Counseling Services

01/20/2024

At some point last year, I was navigating something that was feeling very challenging. A very wise person invited me to invoke a sense of Curiosity about it. He said, “what would happen if you approach this with a sense of curiosity?”

It was not the wisdom I was expecting, but it was what I needed. There’s a beautiful quote by Rilke that talks about living the question. It is a quote that found me decades ago and has brought me comfort ever since.

There is a potency in not knowing our answers, and approaching our experiences with an open heart, and a sense of curiosity.

I’m navigating something right now that is new to me. It can feel overwhelming at times. Not in a super heavy way, but rather that place where I go when I am on an unfamiliar territory. I get frustrated and concerned. It’s a very primal reaction . But then I remember to make space for curiosity. To make space to learn something new. and create the opportunity for something new to be born.

so my friends, here’s to not always knowing your answers. Here’s to making space for wonder and seeking and attuning.

I love you,
Laurel 💜

01/08/2024

When You're Grieving

When you're grieving you spend a lot of time alone. It's better than being in a crowded room where you can sometimes feel even lonelier.

You learn to trust who you can talk to, because the best people will comfort you, and pretend to understand, even if they don’t.

You spend time with distractions. You do random things to 'stay busy', because you think that will help ease the pain.

You feel most comfortable in sweatpants and fluffy slippers, wrapped in a fleece blanket, because it feels better than dressing up and putting on shoes.

You eat pizza, ice cream, and drink wine, because you don't care about the calories, and they just taste better than cottage cheese and milk.

You turn your brain into a film, replaying the story of your loss, running it over and over again, hoping to understand what happened, and why.

You find that sleep alludes you, or you become consumed by it, and either way, putting your feet on the floor to start another day seems pointless.

Here's the thing...you start to think it's all so impossible.

When you're grieving, the day comes when you're tired of being alone, so you make an effort to venture out into the world again.

You see all the other people around you that care, and you suddenly feel the desire to reach out and connect with them.

You become less 'busy', and take some time to rest, letting your body and mind heal from the roller coaster ride of emotions you've been on.

You put on a new outfit that makes you feel good, and gives you the confidence to leave the house.

You sign up for the gym, make a lunch date with a friend, and order a salad.

You put the film in your brain on 'pause' long enough to think about what you want your new future to look like, and how you're going to create that.

You get a good night sleep, and wake up feeling refreshed, curious to see what possibilities the day might offer.

You start to think...it's all so possible.

Gary Sturgis - "Surviving Grief"

12/21/2023

Holiday host etiquette: If you’re inviting someone to your home and they’re grieving, be sure you’re inviting their grief to attend, too. It will be there, anyway.

Don’t invite someone with the goal of cheering them up for the holidays. Don’t expect them to put on a happy face in your home. Don’t demand they fake it til they make it or do something they don’t want to do, either.

Invite them with the loving intention of offering cheer and companionship and unconditional care during the holidays. To do this, you will need to honor and be responsive to their needs and emotions.

You can do this by privately acknowledging their grief when you make the invitation:

“I know this season is extra hard and your heart is hurting. You and your grief are welcome in our home. Come as you are, we’d be honored to have you with us.”

It’s also incredibly loving to honor the reality that it’s often hard for grieving folks to know what they will want, need, be up for, or able to tolerate at the holidays.

Giving them an invite without the need for commitment and permission to change their mind is extra loving:

“You don’t have to decide right now. If it feels good to be with us, we will have plenty of food and love for you-just show up! I’ll check in again the day before to see if you’re feeling up to coming over and if there’s anything you’d like me to know about how we can support you.”

Your grieving friends and fam need attentive care and responsiveness at the holidays, not plans to keep them busy, distracted, and happy.

If they’re laughing, laugh with them.

If they’re weeping, ask if they’d like your company or your help finding a quiet place to snuggle up alone for awhile.

If they’re laughing while weeping, and this is more common than you’d think, stay with them - this is a precious moment of the human experience that is truly sacred.

We don’t need to protect ourselves or each other from grief at the holidays. In fact, the more we embrace grief as an honored holiday guest, the more healthy, happy, and whole our holidays will be. 🙏

Sarah Nannen

11/06/2023

08/09/2023

Vitamin C’s most famous biological role is as an immune-boosting antioxidant, but did you know that vitamin C can help you handle stress better? Vitamin C is necessary for the generation of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin, and stress hormones like cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline. There’s a two-way street between vitamin C and our fight-or-flight response: stress depletes vitamin C in the body; and, lower vitamin C levels magnifies feelings of stress and anxiety.
In one really cool study, participants who took three 1,000-milligram vitamin C supplements per day for just two weeks prior to being asked to perform mental arithmetic and public speaking had substantially better regulated stress responses—including lower cortisol release, blood pressure, and subjective feelings of stress—compared to the unlucky participants who received a placebo. Indeed, high dietary intake of vitamin C is known to reduce risk of stress-related disorders like depression and anxiety.
Would you like to know how much vitamin C you need (specific to your age), the best food sources of vitamin C and the vitamin C supplement I recommend? Let me know and I will send you all three!

07/30/2023

'Today I asked my body what she needed,
Which is a big deal
Considering my journey of
Not Really Asking That Much.

I thought she might need more water.
Or protein.
Or greens.
Or yoga.
Or supplements.
Or movement.

But as I stood in the shower
Reflecting on her stretch marks,
Her roundness where I would like flatness,
Her softness where I would like firmness,
All those conditioned wishes
That form a bundle of
Never-Quite-Right-Ness,

She whispered very gently:

Could you just love me like this?'

-Hollie Holden

Artist: Yulia Ustinova
Girl God Books

06/14/2023

Post Partum Depression known also as PPD is commonly diagnosed in 1 in 8 Mothers.

Ariana Sutton, 36, died by su***de just nine days after giving birth to twins.

03/30/2023

Behavior speaks truths. It tells us where someone is at emotionally with themselves and other people.

Many of us grew in environments where we held out hope. We thought maybe our dad would finally show up—even though he promised he would many times, and didn’t.

We thought one day our mom would stop drinking and finally he in a space to mother us— but she never healed her addiction.

We were told something would change and things would get better, and yet they only got worse.

This primes is to look past behavior and hold onto fantasy beliefs that things will one day change. We hold on to promises from people who aren’t actually within integrity— people who also lie to themselves.

And in the process we betray ourselves.

Practice witnessing people’s behavior. Have the courage to notice the patterns and face the truth even when it hurts.

Find people who are safe. Whose words match their actions. Whose behavior is predictable and consistent