03/28/2023
Do you keep attracting the wrong people, and it seems like you’ll never meet the right one?
What if I told you there’s a way to start attracting healthy relationships?
See, we form attachment styles as children, with our parents, that affect every relationship we have.
If our emotional & physical needs were consistently met by our parents, then we have a secure attachment, & will attract other people with secure attachment styles.
However, if our needs were not consistently met, or never met, or met with aggressive behaviors and responses, then we form unhealthy attachment styles, and attract partners with unhealthy attachment styles.
Sometimes, parents don’t have the emotional capacity that allows them to meet their child’s needs.
That can show up as mild as a parent checking out emotionally, or as extreme as emotional, verbal, and physical abuse.
There are 4 different attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure.
Do you know your attachment style?
👉 If you have an anxious attachment, you feel desperate to be loved. You fear abandonment, and you are codependent.
The message you received as a child is that you are not lovable or worthy, whether intentionally or not.
Your parents/caregivers were inconsistent and caused you to feel anxious about what to expect.
Now, if someone doesn’t text you back fast enough, you start thinking of all the reasons why something is wrong. Maybe they don’t want to be with you anymore or love you, etc.
You are in tune with your emotions and likely hyper aware of your partners emotional responses or lack of.
You’re comfortable talking about feelings and expressing your emotions.
An anxious attachment is insecure about the relationship and scared that they won’t be loved or that their partner will leave them. They deal with this fear by holding onto the other person too tightly.
If you have an anxious attachment, you have been told that you are too much, too clingy, never satisfied, & too needy.
As an anxious attachment, someone desperately needing/wanting you feels like love.
👉 If you have an avoidant attachment style, you are scared to get close because you equate closeness with getting hurt. You fear intimacy & are independent.
The message you received as a child is that it is not safe to need people or to express yourself.
Your parents/caregivers did not allow you to be emotionally expressive & were emotionally distant.
You avoid emotional vulnerability at all costs. It doesn’t feel safe for you to share (or feel) your emotions or thoughts so you keep your guard up.
You aren’t in tune with your emotions or your partners emotions. You feel uncomfortable and at times angry when you have to deal with them.
If you’re an avoidant attachment, you have been told that you’re not caring or cold, which causes you to withdraw more instead of opening up.
As an avoidant attachment, someone desperately needing/wanting you feels like an overwhelming burden.
👉 If you have a disorganized attachment, you are a mix of an anxious attachment & avoidant attachment style.
The message you received as a child is that love is painful and scary.
Your parents/caregivers may have been abusive, depressed, addicted, or abused by a spouse in front of you.
You long for deep connection, yet it terrifies you. So, you get close and then you pull away. You’re hot & then cold. You’re emotionally attached and then completely withdrawn.
You deeply fear abandonment, but you strongly desire love.
You can be very emotionally present & then become very emotionally withdrawn. You tend to be overwhelmed by your emotions and unable to regulate them.
You may have been told that you’re like two people in one (Jekyll and Hyde) or that being with you is like riding a rollercoaster. Theres a constant push and pull dynamic.
As a disorganized attachment, someone desperately needing/wanting you feels both amazing and terrifying.
👉 If you have a secure attachment you are able to give and receive love with ease.
The message you received as a child is that it is safe to trust people to meet your needs.
Your parents/caregivers allowed you to express yourself while remaining loving, calm, & consistently showing up for you.
You feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings because you learned that it was safe to do so as a child. You are also able to regulate your emotions.
Your self worth and esteem developed properly as a child. You are not looking for a partner to validate you nor will you choose a partner who doesn’t also choose you.
As a secure attachment, someone desperately needing/wanting you feels out of balance & unhealthy.
The good news is that no matter what attachment style you formed in childhood, you can develop a secure attachment.
By healing childhood trauma, you can move into a secure attachment.
You can end dysfunctional cycles that keep attracting unhealthy relationships.
You can begin to attract people that are good for you & have the ability to truly love and respect you.
Come visit us and start healing your attachment style. 💕
