04/29/2025
So, I have been thinking a lot about power and control lately. We currently see it in our politics in the U.S. We can see it in relationships from others at times. But lately, as a therapist, I can see so many struggle with wanting other people's behaviors to change and I have reflected on that for myself as well.
Here is an example that most of us can relate to: Seeing a friend struggle with something and thinking "If they would just do (fill in the blank) that would fix it." Now, the difficulty comes from that thought, ask yourself, "what do I have the power in this to do?" For instance, I can tell the other person what I think would help but if I do, do I expect them to do what I said? If they don't do it, will I feel resentment or like I failed? Will I not want to listen to them anymore because they did not do it? We can literally go down a rabbit hole with options, expectations, emotions, etc...
I have been speaking up in my personal life more around these things but I have made a change, I do not expect the other person to behave differently because of what I said, I just say it so I have used my voice when I feel it. I am kind when I speak up but I focus on my internal need rather than trying to change them or their need.
I don't expect this to make tons of sense to everyone at present. I am just finding that after a life long career working in trauma, mainly in intimate partner violence and sexual assault, that I am challenging my own power and control impulses in the simplest and most everyday interactions.
I see power and control being a lot about wanting to control others behaviors rather than our own. We really only have control over our own behaviors.
I challenge those reading this to start to examine this in yourselves. For instance, politically right now, do you feel a need for others to think/behave/feel the same way that you do? Politics has been a bigger issue recently in the media and social media which is why I am using it as an example. You could look at your immediate family, do you have expectations for them to behave in certain ways?
So reading this is a start, consider giving it some personal thought.
