Stephaine Schell: Mental Health Counselor

06/08/2022

One of the great tricks of trauma and other mental illness is convincing us that we are unsafe, that we can't be trusted, that this feeling will last forever, that we are alone. These are lies we have learned to listen to and we can choose how to react to that voice of shame.

05/13/2022

Friday's are for mindfulness! Today I encourage you to be mindful of how you talk to yourself. If you notice you are making mean comments toward yourself approach them with curiousity. Whose voice is that? Where is it coming from? Is this true or helpful to me? Then you can gently guide your thoughts back to a place that is more helpful after understanding them a little better.

03/11/2022

Fridays are for mindfulness! One of the questions that pops up a lot with mindful practices is how do we balance checking in and being connected to ourselves without being consumed by our thought patterns or pain? I like to think about it like how we respond to physical pain, while exercising or during a meet or game if you ignore and injury and continue to play on it you can cause long term damage. I know lots of us have been there and made unhealthy choices in the name of sports!

This also means a lot of us have returned to sports after an injury, and I find myself being very cautious and checking in almost obsessively with my healed injury. This also hurts us by holding ourselves back and sometimes restricting ourselves from the movement our bodies need to heal.

We have to be connected with ourselves enough to notice when we need to pause, stop, or be pulled out of the game but we also have to not pay attention as much as we want to sometimes. So don't ignore pain, but also you don't have to focus on it all the time.

For mental or emotional pain we can give a nod or a friendly wave but you don't have to let it keep you captive, running it's mouth at the grocery store. Maybe you need space to explore and question this pain but you also don't have to do it 24/7. Don't ignore or avoid it, but it also doesn't deserve all your focus and attention every day.

02/22/2022

Sometimes we get so consumed by the discomfort of a feeling that we ignore what it is trying to communicate to us. To be fair sometimes our emotions aren't great communicators but that's more the reason to sit with them just enough to listen to what they are saying and then choose what to do with that information.

01/21/2022

Fridays are for mindfulness! Today I want to talk to you about noticing. When engaging in mindfulness we notice our thoughts, our breathing, and our body experience. It isn't about judging what we notice so much as it is recognizing the presence or absence of something. A great activity to cultivate this skill is this "know your penny" meditation. At the end she encourages other ways to be more mindful in your day to day, such as while listening to music or eating. Have fun trying out different ways to mindfully notice in your life!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ifUyCMReMc

This video will help adults and kids meditate and relax through a mindful noticing tool. Paying attention to and noticing whatever we are perceiving, thinkin...

12/17/2021

Fridays are for mindfulness! Today's focus is to notice and observe our thoughts without judgement. Thoughts only have meaning because we give meaning to them. We have the power and choice to decide which thoughts have control over us. Sometimes we have given so much control over to intrusive thoughts that we believe we don't have power. Intrusive thoughts are like bullies; they thrive on our reactions so as difficult memories pop up, notice them, and allow them to pass. Build space for yourself!

11/27/2021

Research shows that resiliency is more determined by supports and relationships rather than any internal factor. Sometimes you have to let people help you, and sometimes we have to help other people. Give some grace to yourself and others today so we can all heal a little bit more

11/24/2021

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and that means that some of you will be dealing with a lot of family tension, or maybe stress to get things right, maybe thoughts around eating that are difficult, or overstimulation. So I thought I would give y'all two of my favorite coping skills because they are easy to remember and to do.

Square breathes give a concrete way to "take a deep breathe" you breathe in, hold, out, hold for three counts each. Do it at least three times but you can also take as many breathes as you need.

The 5,4,3,2,1 grounding helps to bring you back to the moment and yourself by checking in with your senses. What can you physically feel, see, hear, smell and taste?

Hope y'all have a happy and healthy holiday!

11/19/2021

Fridays are for mindfulness! So I want to talk about intention today. So often I hear from clients that they just can't sit still that long. It is not a rule that you have to sit still during meditation but it is about moving with intention. While meditating if your nose itches first breathe into it, and if it doesn't dissipate take a moment to choose to scratch your nose "Okay I am going to lift my hand and scratch my nose in this moment" rather than doing it out of reflex. Similarly with life there are things we react and just do, and maybe it is the right thing to do but taking a moment to do it with intention, choose your actions instead of just reacting all the time can provide a lot of freedom and power. So Just do it!.. with intention.

11/11/2021

Thank you to all who have served, we may not know you all but we owe you all!

How to express gratitude to a veteran:
1. Just say thank you. You don't have to make it weird or long or talk about your ex boyfriends second cousin who thought about joining the army.
2. Fly the flag in accordance with flag etiquette. The flag may mean something to you or it might have no meaning but to a lot of veterans the flag is symbolic of core values that they sacrificed for in many ways. Life in the military can provide a lot and it also requires a lot of sacrifice, transitions, and loss that for our a good chunk of our veterans is worth it for what that flag stands for.
3. Send a care package. Not all get Veterans Day off so you can send a care package to a veteran through organizations like Operation Gratitude, Any soldier, and boy and girl scouts will send popcorn and cookies.
4. Donate to a veterans charity. I like Veterans community project,wounded warrior project and TAPS but there are so many beautiful and helpful organizations out there. Just do your research first.
5. Live like an American. I don't mean eat a hot dog and shoot fireworks. Remember the sacrifice I mentioned? It is for the freedom of this country so take advantage of those freedoms, live your life with purpose.

11/11/2021

"it's okay to not be okay" not because it feels good, or because that is the 'right' emotion, but because being "not okay" is a part of life. Nothing is wrong or broken or needs to be fixed in you if you have a bad day, go through a rough season, or don't feel your best every minute of your life. You can feel crummy without shaming yourself for it.

11/04/2021

Great article! All the time I hear "I'm tired" but we don't know what type of tired we are. Knowing what type of tired can help us figure out what type of rest we need! Check in with yourself today if you are feeling tired and see what kind of rest you may be lacking in your life.
http://sponsored.bostonglobe.com/harvard-pilgrim-health-care/7-types-rest-improve-well-being/?s_campaign=bostonglobekeyweefbmobile&kwp_0=2025024&kwp_4=5829481&kwp_1=2507236&fbclid=IwAR2DbDKH5sMBXiiyfpizU357_YoCOQx5EgSsd0prV96ByaK8OR4m_Q1q130

Rest is about so much more than getting enough sleep, says physician and researcher Saundra Dalton-Smith.

10/01/2021

Friday's are for Mindfulness! Today I want to talk to you about pausing. In Jazz solos a great musician will use pauses and rest in order to amplify the solo. A great artist knows how to use negative space in order to emphasize and increase harmony within their work. Our lives are not different from living art and if we cram it full then it becomes hard to read, understand and see the beauty of. So take a moment to pause today. Maybe it is turning the radio off when you are driving. Maybe it is eating without the TV on. Maybe it is doing a meditation or sitting outside for a moment. Whatever it is just pause, even for just a minute.

09/30/2021

I came across some old advice I had written years ago that said "building an identity is a process of elimination". Don't be afraid to figure out if something could be you or a part of you. And as you grow be nice to your past self because past you learned and sometimes there is wisdom in that learning.

09/17/2021

Friday's are for mindfulness! My encouragement today is that: it might feel weird.

It might feel weird to make a healthy choice, when your normal is unhealthy.

It might feel weird to have space and silence, when your world is chaos.

It might feel weird to respond instead of react, when your relationships have been impulsive.

It might feel weird. And that is okay.

I'll even add that sometimes healthy choices don't feel happy.

So when you spend time and are open to all of your experience without judgement, like you practice in meditation, you can discover when things feel weird because it is unhealthy and when things feel weird because it is different. If you never sit down with these feelings, and always avoid them, then you will never know the difference.

09/11/2021

Friday's are for mindfulness. This is a hard post to write. For many tomorrow is the anniversary of the scariest day of their life. For many it is the anniversary of the last day of a loved ones life. It is a day that holds so much fear and pain in it. Often time when there is pain we try to distance ourselves from it. As if pretending it doesn't exist means it isn't surrounding us. So I have two encouragements for tomorrow.

1. Acknowledge the pain and fear. You don't have to give it your whole day or your whole being but honor it. In a safe way name your pain and make a choice of what you want to do with it for the day. (I have some suggestions in a previous post here )

2. Our distance from pain also means that we distance ourselves from others who are feeling pain. I encourage you to be willing to sit with someone in their discomfort and be present with them. Having someone there can make unbearable pain manageable even if the person isn't doing anything to solve it.

9/11 was a traumatic day for many so if you need support reach out to a professional or call the national su***de prevention lifeline at : 800-273-8255

08/27/2021

Friday's are for mindfulness! An important part of mindfulness is sitting with discomfort. We often think mindfulness and meditation is about clearing our minds and sitting in peace when often it is recognizing our mind is running and sitting in discomfort. So how do you sit in discomfort?

It is a lot like stretching. When you stretch, the fibers in your muscles try to resist because they are there to keep our muscles from falling a part after any extension. That discomfort in stretching is normal healthy and adaptive. When you hold a stretch for about 20 seconds (though sometimes it takes longer) those muscle fibers say "oh this is okay" and release a little bit. This allows us to increase flexibility and range of motion when done in healthy doses.

The same is true with uncomfortable emotions. That feeling is a normal healthy and adaptive thing that our bodies produce. Often though if you sit with the feeling, hold that stretch for a moment, your mind will relax and say "oh this is okay". This helps our long term health.

Note that there is a difference between discomfort and injured. A difference between uncomfortable and unsafe. Be aware of the differences in your body and sit with your discomfort this week.

08/13/2021

Fridays are for mindfulness! Today I figured we would talk a little bit about goals. It is good for us to have goals and be working towards growth, it is also good for us to have space that is explorational and not necessarily tied to achieving something. How do we balance that?
1. When setting goals focus on growth, awareness and progress rather than "arriving" at some place of achievement. Having a growth mindset lets you acknowledge small achievements and allow for sustainable growth.
2. Happiness is not a goal. I know I said it. So often people want to "just feel happy" and set that as their goal but feelings change every 90-120 seconds so setting happiness as a goal is leading yourself to failure. Emotions are like trees or plants on a hiking trail. They are there and add so much to the hike but you don't hike to the top of the mountain just to see one tree. If you were, you would miss out on so much of the hiking experience.
3. If you mess up, take a step backwards, or fail you don't have to apply judgement or shame to yourself. Consequences are not shame, your internal reaction to things determines your shame. Be a coach not a bully.
4. Be aware and listen to yourself through the process. Do you need more structured goals or more vague ones. Do you need time to enjoy the process or do you need to hold yourself accountable. It varies for each person and each season of life to connect with yourself to know what you need in the journey you are taking.