Robert Rutherford, Certified Funeral Celebrant & Life Tribute Professional

07/12/2023

A great post about holidays and the grief journey from a friend and colleague Caleb Wilde.

You feel alone in your grief. And you aren’t alone in that feeling.

This is the paradox of grief.

The love you shared with someone who died, the relationship you had, and the memories you made are something you experienced that isn’t replicated in any other relationship you had.

And yet, grief is like a great river. A great river that has cut through the same path for millennia, so much so that it has a name everyone knows. It’s the river Grief, known by name by all of humanity for as long as there was love. Even so, the water that makes up that river is never the same as the minute before.

Always the same and never the same.

There is the alone part of grief. There’s part of grief that will always be yours to carry and yours alone.

But the second part of the paradox is so important to the first part. There’s a part of grief that will always need to be carried together. It’s ours to be carried and ours alone.

It’s easy to do one without the other. But, like the river, they are one and the same. Grief is both. That growth takes place in the paradox of alone and together.

You will feel alone in grief. Beautifully and tragically alone.

And you will feel connected in grief. Beautifully and tragically connected.

As someone who has professionally done the together part, serving families and communities through funerals, the together part seems to be the more difficult part in modern society.

And now, during the holiday season, now is a time for connection. The idea that holidays are supposed to be happy times is a myth created, I think, by consumerism. By commercials depicting perfect families, with perfect get-togethers and and perfect gifts.

Holiday means holy day. And while the connotation was originally religious in nature, “holy” is about sacred connection. It’s a connection with those we love. It can be a connection in happiness. It can be a connection in gifts and food. And it MUST also be connection in grief because grief is sacred.

Make this season holy and share your grief. It’s as simple as saying, “I miss ____.”

Holy grief is yours and it is ours.

04/07/2023

Grief on the 4th of July.

I’ve always loved the U.S. holiday called Independence Day, but for twenty years I’ve struggled to enjoy the Fourth of July, the day we celebrate it. Contradictory? Perhaps, but holiday…

21/11/2022

It's so important to be able to freely talk about our loved ones that have passed. The best gift you can give to someone grieving is to fully listen.

13/11/2022

It's okay to talk about those we've lost. Sharing the stories and the memories may bring tears but I'm a firm believer those tears bring healing.

10/09/2022

"Grief is the price we pay for love" Queen Elizabeth II