09/17/2025
7 years ago, I was completely immersed in the wilderness of birth & postpartum for the first time. In those hazy, disorienting, euphoric & intensely challenging hours, days, & weeks as a mother with my first baby, both of us were brand new to the world around us.
It was in those tender first moments after giving birth and meeting my daughter–her unique precious Being so blissfully familiar & so deeply distinct–that I realized with more embodied material truth than I ever thought possible, that I too was indeed ALIVE, & this was indeed my one precious life. And that this gift of life meant that I had the gift of time to fill my life with what I feel in my bones is right & good & mine to experience and offer.
From a practical perspective, I had a job at the time, & a pretty dang good one honestly. I had a supervisor & small team of colleagues I liked & respected.
And yet in my work life, I felt chronically alone. I felt misunderstood & misperceived because of the limitations of what “healthcare” means in our society, as well as the “NP” persona so trapped & exploited in the deflated narcissist role in medical systems. I believed I was doing fine, even good work, that my patients & coworkers appreciated.
At the same time I was constantly exhausted from masking & dimming who I was. I realized there was a yearning and a call for my life to create more & hide less. And while leaving the mainstream healthcare system & starting my own offbeat practice was a dream of mine, it was always “maybe someday…”
I realized, as I had realized giving birth, that the only person who can do this is me. No one else is coming to make it happen. “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.” This was my timeline. And without any roadmap or net below me, I decided to leap.
Most people would not have done this 😅 & I don’t blame them. This path has never been easy. I am continually learning valuable lessons I wish I already knew.
And yet there is complete clarity that this is the path for me. It is mine, & it intersects with so many. I am grateful to each person led them to my door over the past 7 years. I trust there is still so much we will learn & heal together.
