Bienvenu Counseling Services

08/06/2025

What if Something or Someone is Unfixable – Part 4. As I was thinking about what it means to accept something that you cannot fix or change, what immediately came to mind was The Serenity Prayer. Almost everyone has heard it and most likely prayed it at one time or another. With the aid of the Internet AI, I decided to dig deeper into its origin, which I was already familiar with from previous study. I was amazed at what I found, and even more enlightened as to what was actually meant at the time it was first prayed, noticed, and became famous. I also learned more about acceptance.

The first thing to note is that the original wording, which was most likely first recorded sometime during World War II (an extremely important context to consider) was different than the one we now pray. The original went like this:

God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

What first struck me was that the prayer was asking God primarily for “grace” to accept, not “serenity”! Grace is unmerited divine assistance needed to do what is humanly impossible. Serenity means peace or calm. This simple change in wording makes way more sense. Of course I would love to accept things with serenity (peace). But I’m not praying for peace to accept. I’m praying for grace to accept, as calmly and peacefully as I can. Huge difference!

The second thing that was extremely powerful was praying for the courage to change the things which “should” be changed. Think of the atrocities and horrors committed and experieced during World War II. If you don’t know, look it up. There was real evil and malevolence that “should be changed,” and it would take great courage to confront and defeat it.

The last thing I want to point out is that the final part of the prayer asks for “wisdom” to be able to discern and distinguish one from the other. There was a time early in the war that the United States did not want to get involved and wanted to remain neutral. What if we had not gotten involved? There was controversy about creating an alliance with Joseph Stalin, General Secretary of the communist party and leader of the Soviet Union, in order to defeat Germany (a man considered by many to have been even more maniacal and dangerous than Hi**er). Check out what Stalin did during his reign as dictator. Then, there was the decision on whether or not to drop the atomic bomb. Someone or a group of people united in their beliefs had to determine what was right and what was wrong and then decide what to do about it. The decisions that were made affected millions of lives. Hundreds of thousands of lives would have to be sacrificed, including the innocent, along with immense devestation, in order to stop the evil forces threatened to destroy the civilization and humanity we valued.

There is so much more that I want share with you in my upcoming posts. For now, just think about the prayer as it was originally worded, the context in which it was prayed, and try to apply it to your own situation and circumstances. It changes everything.

More to come. Stay tuned.
DocPsyc

07/10/2025

What if something or someone cannot be fixed? - Part 3
As I pondered this question, three options came to mind: accept, transform, and transcend. This is a continuation and elaboration on my past two posts.

“I’ve tried everything I know to do, and nothing makes a difference. It is unbearable. I see no solution and no way out.”

Have you ever said or felt that way? I have. And I have talked to hundreds if not thousands of people over the past 40 years who have.

What if there is no solution and no way out? What am I supposed to do? What if it is toxic and killing me daily? What if I cannot leave or get away? What if it is real? What then? What if talking about it makes it worse? What if God will not fix it? His grace is supposed to be sufficient, so He tells the apostle Paul, who begs him to remove the thorn from his flesh three times. If you read the passage, God further tells him that there are reasons that he will not fix the problem.

Dialogue:
A: What if I don’t like the reasons and I don’t or can’t see the promised results. What if it feels absolutely intolerable? What am I supposed to do? 
B: Accept it!
A: Seriously?
B: Yes, accept it!
A: I cannot accept it.
B: You have to!
A: No, I don’t. I could kill myself, or run away and change my name.
B: Then do it!
A: I can’t.
B: Why?
A: Doesn’t matter! I can’t.
B: OK. Then you must accept it.
A: What the heck does that even mean?
B: It is recognizing and embracing the finality of a situation without trying to change it or protesting against it.
A: Oh, that’s helpful. I’ve told you that I can’t do that.
B: What’s the alternative? Do you believe that there is a power or a force in the universe that works for good? Could you possibly believe that if you relinquish control to that higher power, that somehow, someway, someday, after it has run its course, it will all work together for a greater good?
A: What if I did believe that, how does that help me now in my present suffering?
B: It may not help you now.
A: I cannot accept that.
B: But you must. You’re not in denial anymore. The shock has worn off. You’ve been angry as hell for sometime now. You’ve been so depressed that you couldn’t get out of bed and thought about killing yourself a number of times. You have grieved. Even though your trauma is real, nobody wants to be around you or talk to you because of the way you are and the way you act. You have fought against it and made things worse for yourself and those involved. Has that helped you?
A: FU!
B: Has it helped you?
A: No!
B: Then accept it.
A: I don’t know how, dammit!”

To be continued…
DocPsyc

The picture below is one I drew on my iPad. I didn’t think much about what I was drawing or why. I was just trying to learn how to use a device. When I look at it now, I see many things: a thorn, purple rain, blood, a cross…

07/02/2025

If something cannot be fixed - Part 2. Options: 1. Accept, 2. Transform, or 3. Transcend. Be still! Simple but not easy. Almost impossible when you are experiencing extreme stress, pain, or suffering. “What the heck does that even mean?” In short, it means to change your state of mind, not just mentally, but physiologically. This can be done in a number of ways, which I will explain later. For now, just try to trust me that it is possible. If you can do this, it will not only help to regulate your troubling emotions associated with your situation, it will open a channel to an infinite source of possibilities, including supernatural peace and power. This is what is needed to accept, transform, and transcend.

While I was being still a couple of days ago. I looked at the wall of my room, and saw the image in the picture below. So, I wrote it down. It may not seem like much, but it is highly significant to me. It came out of nowhere. Actually, “nowhere” is also where infinite possibility exists.

To be continued…
DocPsyc

06/28/2025

What if Something is Unfixable?

Many of us want to fix things, whether problems or people in our lives. Some just want a fix, which could mean many things and take many forms.

What if your situation, relationship, or life circumstances cannot be fixed, and is causing you harm? And what if some force or obstacle, inside or outside you, real or imagined, prevented you from leaving or getting away from what is toxic to your soul and well being? What if you could not find a “fix” that sufficiently relieved your associated pain and suffering? What would you do? What could you do?

Before attempting to answer this question, let’s consider what “fix” means. The following definition is taken from the AI overview search of the internet:

Fix
Verb Meanings:
Repair/Mend - To make something work or look good again.
Fasten - To securely attach something in place.
Adjust/Arrange - To put something in order or make it right.
Settle/Determine - To decide something definitively.
Make Stable - To make something solid or fixed.
Hold/Direct - To focus attention or eyes on something.

Noun Meanings:
Solution - A remedy or adjustment to a problem.
Predicament - A difficult situation or position.
Dose - A needed amount of something, especially a narcotic.
Nautical - A determined position of a ship or aircraft.
Slang - A prearranged or illegal arrangement.

So, now, again, I’ll ask you, what if whatever it is you and I are dealing with cannot be fixed? And, God, or the Force that works for good in the universe, will not fix it? Then what? Are there any options?

As I pondered this question, the following words came to mind, without effort, as if receiving a download from a higher source:
1. Accept
2. Transform
3. Transcend

What do each of these words mean? First, I again checked AI (the Almighty Internet, God of The Matrix):

Accept:
To "accept" means to willingly take or receive something offered, to agree to something, or to consider something as true or satisfactory. It can also mean to endure something without protest or reaction. In essence, accepting involves a degree of approval or consent.

Transform:
To transform means to change a thing into a different thing. It implies a major change in form, nature, or function. Some synonyms: metamorphose, transmute, convert, transmogrify, transfigure.

Transcend:
To "transcend" something means to rise above, go beyond, or surpass it, either in terms of limits or quality. It can also refer to overcoming limitations or achieving a higher state, often used in spiritual or philosophical contexts.

Going Beyond Limits - Transcendence can mean exceeding a standard, like a story that "transcends belief". It can also mean going beyond normal or ordinary experience.
Surpassing in Quality - It can indicate being superior or better than something else.
Overcoming Limitations - In a psychological or spiritual sense, to transcend can mean overcoming negative aspects or self-limiting beliefs, like "transcending ego".
Achieving a Higher State - In religious or philosophical contexts, transcendence refers to a state of being beyond the limitations of physical existence, often associated with spirituality or enlightenment.

Question: What do these words mean to you? What if they were applied to your situation?

To be continued...
DocPsyc

05/24/2025

“you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary” - Jesus

I am re-listening to a great audiobook, Essentialism, (pictured below). It made me think of one of my favorite stories from the Good Book, that I’ve studied thoroughly and taught many times in the past. The message is timeless and particularly important in the world we live in today. Just think about the quote above, and check out the audio version of the book which is only 4.5 hours long. The quote above is found in the passage that follows:

Now as they were traveling along, He entered a certain village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. And she had a sister called Mary, who moreover was listening to the Lord’s word, seated at His feet. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him, and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42
NASB 1977

What are the few things in your life that are necessary and most important?
Dudley

05/04/2025

Even if…
Dudley

© 2017 MercyMe Brand new single from MercyMe. Available everywhere now. Click the links below to download or stream!From the upcoming album "Lifer" which hit...

04/25/2025

The latest book I’ve read. May be one of the best ideas ever! Dudley

03/25/2025

03/09/2025

A picture of a good friend’s son that I used as a model for a 16 x 20” oil painting I did several years ago of my best friend and hero. For Lent, rather than give something up, I’m going to practice being patient and kind. I’ve been working on it for 40 years of marriage. It’s about time I get it right.

10/25/2024

“Do not allow yourself to become resentful, arrogant, or deceitful,” says Jordan Peterson in his latest book. I’m listening on audio for about the fifth time and have read the chapter at least twice. I am again doing a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. As part of that process, I am using this particular chapter. It is like allowing someone to perform heart surgery on me without an anesthetic. It is brutal and painful. I certainly don’t want to be resentful, arrogant, or deceitful. I have never wanted to be any of these things. Yet, I cannot deny the reality that the traumatic events that have occurred in my life over the past six years have not brought out the best in me. On the contrary, much of it has brought out the worst. I don’t like seeing it or admitting it. No one does! But it is necessary if one really wants to heal and grow, and become the best version of themselves possible. This is an extraordinary book and maybe the best template or guide for taking your own inventory that I have ever read. No matter how much it hurts, I am committed to practice what I preach and believe. I challenged you to check it out. Dudley 

09/24/2024

This may be the best chapter on why close and important relationships fail that I have ever read in my life. If you are serious about understanding and dealing with the root cause of your problems, not only in your relationships, but in every area of your life, this book contains the answer. It also offers clear map and guide on how to become the best version of yourself possible. Furthermore, it enlightens, inspires, and transcends what we believe that we want, and shows us the possibility of what we can truly become as human beings. DocPsyc

09/22/2024

DO NOT HIDE UNWANTED THINGS IN THE FOG - My excerpts, Part 1 - DocPsyc

Have the damn flight!

When Dell was a younger man, … for several decades … a real estate dealer, … he habitually went home for lunch, in accordance with the general custom. Beth typically prepared him soup…and a sandwich. One day, without warning, he snapped at his wife: “Why in the world do we always eat off these tiny plates? I hate eating off these tiny plates!”

She had been serving the sandwiches on bread-and-butter plates, which average about six or seven inches in diameter, instead of full-size dinner plates of ten to twelve inches. She related this story to her daughters, soon after, in a mild state of shock…
she had been serving him lunch on those plates for at least twenty years by the time he finally said anything. She had no idea that he was annoyed by her table settings. He had never objected. And there is something inexhaustibly amusing about that.

Now, it’s possible that he was irritated by something else altogether that day and did not really care about the plates. And in one sense, it is a trivial issue. But seeing another way, it is not trivial at all, for two reasons. First, if something happens every day, it is important, and lunch was happening every day. In consequence, if there was something about it that was chronically bothersome, even in a minor sort of way, it needed to be attended to. Second, it is very common to allow so-called minor irritations (which are not minor, as I said, if they happen constantly) to continue for years without comment or resolution.

Here is the problem: collect a hundred, or a thousand, of those, and your life is miserable and your marriage doomed. Do not pretend you are happy with something if you are not, and if a reasonable solution might, in principle, be negotiated. Have the damn fight. Unpleasant as that might be in the moment, it is one less straw on the camel’s back. And that is particularly true for those daily events that everyone is prone to regard as trivial - even the plates on which you eat your lunch. Life is what repeats, and it is worth getting what repeats right.

(The passage above is a direct quote from Jordan B Peterson, in his latest book, BEYOND ORDER 12 More Rules for Life, “Rule III,” pp 89-91)