Dr Kathy Nickerson

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Laguna Beach, CA
Dr Kathy Nickerson

Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Author, Affair Recovery & Infidelity Specialist
More at: https://linktr.ee/drkathynickerson

10/30/2025

If you’re dreaming of the perfect romantic getaway in Normandy, Auberge de la Source in Barneville-la-Bertran is it. Just two miles from Honfleur, this beautiful property feels like a fairytale — elegant, peaceful, and surrounded by rolling countryside.It’s the ideal place for a honeymoon or quiet escape, with gorgeous gardens, incredible food, and a sense of calm that makes you forget the rest of the world exists.We used it as our base for day trips around Normandy — Etretat, Rouen, and Mont-Saint-Michel — and every evening we came “home” to serenity and wonderful food.We know how lucky and privileged we are to enjoy a place like this. It’s never lost on us how blessed we are to experience something so special.Truly one of the most magical places we’ve ever stayed.

10/29/2025

Replying to Freeman - People who cheat are not looking to really communicate their deep feelings and fears with someone, they are looking to create a fantasy world with someone else where they can escape. In their real lives, many people who have affairs feel inadequate, fearful, uncomfortable, like failures. They do not believe that if they share these feelings with their partner that their partner will help and comfort them, instead they believe their partner will judge them and hurt them further. Often this comes from their previous experiences with people who were supposed to love and protect them. As a result they don't look to actually work through their deeper feelings, they avoid them and the affair serves as a painkiller for the emotional pain they are trying to avoid. Let me know what you think about this and let's discuss it further.

10/28/2025

As a betrayed partner, it's very common to struggle with intrusive thoughts after discovering your partner's affair. Infidelity is traumatic, and your brain is trying its best to make sense of what's happened to you.

If you're dealing with intrusive thoughts right now, here are some things you can try:

1. Physical activity. Gentle exercise like doing yoga or taking a walk can help shift your mind away from those intrusive thoughts.

2. Do an activity that is distracting and requires your full concentration, like completing a puzzle, making a complicated recipe, building something, or assembling a toy or model.

3. Schedule some worry time. Tell yourself, "I'm only going to think about this for 15 minutes," and take that time to think about what's happened or write your thoughts down in a journal. This gives you the opportunity to work through some of those thoughts without ruminating for too long.

4. Practice grounding exercises that help you focus on the present moment.

5. Talk back to those intrusive thoughts to help actively challenge them. You can even give them a name, like Ruth, and then say something like, "Ruth, that's not helpful right now."

What are some techniques that have helped you with intrusive thoughts? I'd love to hear from you in the comments 💜

10/26/2025

Do cheaters ever confess?

A 2021 study by Betchen found that 78% of cheaters confessed to having an affair. Of those respondents, 47.7% confessed within one week of the incident.

What do you think about this? Let's talk about it 💜

10/25/2025

We have left Paris and are on our way to Normandy. We stopped by Chateau de La Motte Husson, the charming home of the Strawbridge Family, on our way to Dinan. The family and chateau are featured in the TV series, Escape to the chateau. It's a wonderful visual escape into their world and I just love it. I was thrilled to hear they are coming back for another season, be sure to check them out and enjoy all of their creative endeavors. Sending Angel, Dick, Dorothy, Arthur and Petale a big hug!

10/23/2025

Replying to after an affair, your relationship will never be the same, and we don't want it to be! Before an affair, many couples are struggling with the anxious avoidant trap. And cheating partners often have avoidant attachment, which leads them to not communicate, avoid fighting, and shut down. The problem is that this causes their feelings to come out in agitated and unpredictable ways, and for them to continue feeling pain, which often leads them to having problematic behavior. Let's talk about this further. And bonjour from Paris! It's a beautiful rainy day here and I am making this for you before I head out on my visit to Opera Garnier.

10/21/2025

The most important advice I can give to you, if you cheated and want to save your relationship, is this: give yuour partner LOTS of reassurance.

Infidelity is traumatic for betrayed partners. As you work to heal from this, what they really need from you is understanding what they're going through, along with lots and lots of reassurance that this won't ever happen again.

What do you think about this? What advice would you give to cheating partners?

10/20/2025

This is likely to be my most iconic affair recovery video because I am standing in front of the iconic Eiffel Tower in Paris! The most important thing I can tell you about healing from an affair is that you absolutely can do it. Don't let people tell you it is impossible, we can do hard things. I'm here to help you every step of the way and I believe in you! Sending you much love on your infidelity recovery journey.

10/17/2025

There might come a point in your healing journey when you ask yourself, "Should I keep trying… or is it time to let go?"

In my experience, and what research from John and Julie Gottman has also shown, the decision to let go of a relationship isn't usually triggered by one event; it's the result of a slowly eroding pattern.

Here are 8 signs that it may be time to let go and focus on your own healing journey instead:

1. There's persistent emotional or physical harm

2. You feel contempt for your partner

3. Repair attempts after arguments fail

4. There's no accountability or empathy

5. You feel emotionally disengaged or indifferent about your partner

6. There's no shared vision for the future

7. You've tried everything, but it's still not enough

8. The relationship feels like a prison

Choosing to end a relationship can be one of the most difficult choices you’ll ever make, but for many people, it's the right one. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for yourself is let go.

10/16/2025

After the affair, it is very common for betrayed partners to struggle with intimacy. Many people who've been betrayed are haunted by images and pictures when they try to be intimate with their partner again. There is no rush to be intimate after infidelity, you should take things at whatever pace feels comfortable to you. Here are two ideas I suggest to clients to see if they will help with the mental pictures during intimacy. If you have been through this and found something that helped you, please comment and share what helped. I will post some more ideas soon, let's start the conversation and generate ideas that can help each other. Sending you big hugs on your infidelity healing journey.

10/16/2025

In 2023, we surveyed more than 5,000 people who had experienced infidelity. From that data, we learned:

- Women who stray are less likely to reconcile than men

- Women tend to feel less regret during the affair than men

- More women reported being in love with their AP than men did

To learn more about this, go to my website, type "statistics" into the search bar, and check out the blog posts I wrote that summarize our findings.

What do you think about all of this? Let's talk about it 💜

10/15/2025

with so much brilliance in one short video! If you're going through a break-up or experiencing grief in your relationship, such as healing from a betrayal or trying to recover from infidelity, this video is for you. You do have to fall apart in order to start rebuilding yourself. Please don't rush yourself, allow yourself to feel your feelings. If you don't allow yourself to feel your grief, it will show up in a variety of unhealthy ways. There is tremendous personal growth on the other side of grief, you just have to survive it at first. Affair recovery is a giant grief journey and so much of this advice applies. What's your favorite takeaway from Therapy Jeff's perspective? (BTW Jeff, amazing video, chef's kiss!)

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