Nature's Intuition

Nature's Intuition Move your Body, Steam your Yoni and Awaken your Pleasure.

CW: S*xual Assult and S*x Work (1/2)This post is longer than expected so I'm breaking it into 2 parts!So there is someth...
02/22/2023

CW: S*xual Assult and S*x Work
(1/2)
This post is longer than expected so I'm breaking it into 2 parts!

So there is something very personal and vulnerable I wana talk about.

If you are a massage therapist, I genuinely hope you read this and CAN'T relate.... though alot of you unfortunately will read this and know exactly what I'm talking about.

First I want to make sure I say that this is NOT at all a post talking poorly about s*x workers. I personally believe s*x work should be legal so the people can have the best care and rights for the work they do! If I say anything in this post that's offensive to s*x workers, please know that's not my intention and please message me directly to educate me if that feels right!

With that being said...

Licensed Massage Therapists are not s*x workers. As a society can we please stop s*xualizing this profession. In my experience, it has put me in dangerous situations just because I'm trying to do my job.

I will say that I may be a little more sensitive on this topic than others and I know my experience is not everyone's.

When I was one week into my internship as a massage therapist I was s*xually assulted by a client who claimed they were also a massage therapist (and a lawyer 🤷‍♀️). This is a whole ass story on its own. But the result of that caused me to have a tainted and more sensitive view on Massage Therapy moving forward. During my internship there were countless ways I was asked for services that I don't offer.

The one I got alot which made me feel the most unsafe was what I called "the reach". I'd have clients act as if they were stretching and reach to touch MY body. To the point where I'd have to stand up and stop massaging to move out of the way if their hands throughout the massage.

Or the one where the client just wanted a 90 minute massage, of feather light pressure, just on the legs... and everytime I'd massage up the legs he'd push *himself* towards my hands. Which was one of the few times I cut a massage short.

I'd get asked to give "manual release".

I'd have people leave LARGE amounts of money on the table seeing what they could get for price

I'd have people straight up ask for hand jobs... some would take it well and some wouldn't.

I'd go and clean up after a client with... fluids... left on the sheets.

I'd get the "joke"... What about a happy ending?... followed by I'm just kidding... followed by the look of *unless you'd do it*.

I'd get people who, while on my table, would make a reference to Seinfeld and say "it moved"... and then explain to me what they were talking about as if I hadn't heard that "joke" a million times.

And all of that was JUST in my 3 months of internship where I wasn't even getting paid.

**these pictures are from my graduation/ me during my internship**

I actually have a little bit of energy back, so I'm going to use that to my advantage and make a post!First things first...
02/21/2023

I actually have a little bit of energy back, so I'm going to use that to my advantage and make a post!

First things first, this has been my business IG for a long time. Part of the journey of closing down my business has been finding out who I am without being a business owner.

Just as a human being, who am I?

So this is now my personal page.

Will I still be posting things that are related to what my business was? Yes, absolutely, that's still a big part of who I am. I still believe in embodiment and pleasure and vulnerability and body love. But it will be more from my heart and less about getting clients moving forward.

Welcome to my self-discovery!

I hope you continue to relate or gather whatever you need from it, but that's not of concern to me anymore because I'm doing things for me now!

Thank you all for loving me through this life ❤️

Also... how freaking CUTE am I in this selfie!?

CLOSE OUT SALE!Stop by Nature's Intuition one last time!January 30th anytime between 2pm-8pm.Come and say hi to me (or g...
01/17/2023

CLOSE OUT SALE!

Stop by Nature's Intuition one last time!

January 30th anytime between 2pm-8pm.

Come and say hi to me (or goodbye to the space) and buy any of the remaining products/ furniture I'll be selling off. I'll post pictures of some stuff I'm selling off!

Everything will be cash, venmo, paypal, or cashapp.

I'm kinda out of words at the moment. I just finished with the last of my scheduled clients in this space. So I'm feeling a lot of things. But I'm soooo grateful for my client today (thanks for the lunch 😜) but the session went so well without the pressure of maintaining a business. Everything is going to be OK with however things go in the future.
It will just be diffrent and that's ok.

The closing sale is going to be a weird day. So I may be drinking wine lol feel free to bring wine if you wana have a glass with me.

Thank you all for your support!

LOGISTICS AND HOW TO SUPPORT ME. Business wise- • I'll be taking some clients until the end of January. I don't have too...
01/10/2023

LOGISTICS AND HOW TO SUPPORT ME.

Business wise-

• I'll be taking some clients until the end of January. I don't have too many openings but if you want one last session in my space book online or message me and ill get you scheduled!

• I'll be having a CLOSE OUT sale on Monday January 30th from 2pm- 8pm where ill be selling all of my inventory at a deep discount. I'll also be selling some of the stuff/ furniture. More details to come.

• I have a few pretty big expenses for ending my lease early. So if you can't come to the close out sale but still want to send a couple dollars my way… I'll have my venmo/paypal at the bottom of this post. It feels weird to ask for help but this is where I'm at.

• I'll be taking some clients at home once i close the shop but it may take me a bit of time to get situated. Please still reach out if you're looking for an appointment after February 1st and I'll keep you posted on where I'm at or refer you out!

Personal wise

• This is going to be a hard time for me. Emotionally and physically. All the things I've avoided by diving into work are going to come up and out. If you feel called… reach out, send me a note, let's grab coffee or a drink, bring me a bottle of wine, or let's sit down and chat. Not in a professional way but in a friend way because there are times when I need someone to hold space for me to be heard. Send me a few dates and times that you're free and I'm sure I'll be available to hang.

• Please stop by my close out sale. Even if you can't buy anything, just to show me support and that the work I did (am doing in my own time) matters. Or let's grab a coffee if that day doesn't work for you! Hugs are appreciated ❤️

Again thank you all for supporting me and loving me. I couldn't have made it this far without you!

**I'll still be using these social media's in the future to post about any retreats or workshops I'll be doing in the future! (Once I'm ready)**

Venmo- -Smoker
Pay pal- Ashley Ondra
Cashapp- $naturesintuition

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT**If you have followed along this long, thank you! If you're just tuning in, all my previous pos...
01/09/2023

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT**

If you have followed along this long, thank you! If you're just tuning in, all my previous posts were leading up to this so none of that necessarily matters!

As of February 1st 2023 Nature's Intuition will be SHUTTING ITS DOORS.

It's hard to even write that out. This all kinda sucks but I know in the long run it will be good and what i need in my life right now.

Physically I have gotten carpal tunnel so bad to the point where I can't feel my hands. Which has limited my ability to give massages which is a lot of what I do.

Mentally, well as you're reading, these past 2 years have been really hard and I need to learn to take care of myself… and discover who I am outside of my work.

So much of my self worth and value are wrapped up in this business. There's an emptiness and even an embarrassment that comes along with this "failure".

Ultimately I can't afford to keep the space open. I love my work and LOVE my clients even more but I just don't have it in me to fight anymore.

Plus, as soon as my soul work became about making enough money to survive… I lost a lot of that passion and became resentful.

For everyone who has ever been my client… I can't thank you enough for your support and it's been such an honor to work with you all!

I'm not done forever, just for now and in this space.

I'll post logistics and the support I need moving forward tomorrow. Just wanted to get this out. It's time.

SECOND TO LAST POST IN THIS STORY THREAD!I don’t like working alone. I love being a part of a team. I generally like hav...
01/09/2023

SECOND TO LAST POST IN THIS STORY THREAD!

I don’t like working alone. I love being a part of a team.
I generally like having coworkers or other staff.
I have found opening a business to be very lonely.
Not to say there isn't an amazing group of people I have come to know and love and respect and look up to as business owners. Because the people I have met because of the work I do have been incredible.
F**k, seeing these womens step into their power as business owners has left me speechless.
But in regards to running this business, it has been very hard trying to do it alone.
I am learning how much I thrive helping other people within their own businesses.
I feel like a supporter. A manager. An idea haver. A doer. A spaceholder.
Not so much an owner. At least not now. Not alone. Not in this way.
Even though my job is working directly with people, there is still a loneliness about it.
I am missing having someone to bounce ideas off of or someone to help keep the energy alive.
As someone who struggles with depression it can be hard to do that without a sounding board.
And when I started this business I was living with my husband and had more financial support.
And now my body is failing me.
My wrists are giving out.
Doing my job has become very painful.
And this is holding a s**t ton of emotional weight.

So now putting my ego aside.
I’m releasing what doesn’t serve me and asking the universe to provide what is needed to fill its space. Whatever that may be and whatever that may look like.

*check out the song At Least We Found The Floor by Foxing. This is the song that I've been relating too the past 2 years*

**picture is a random one from recently**

Anyway... seperated from husband, check.Surgery to remove tubes, check.Move out of my husband's house, check. 2021 was c...
12/27/2022

Anyway...
seperated from husband, check.
Surgery to remove tubes, check.
Move out of my husband's house, check.
2021 was complete.

Though I had a lot of loss and transition the past two years, I was really thinking this was it.
This was the shift. I was finally going to start climbing up the ladder to feeling myself and good again.

June 2022
Then I turned 30 in June. Which in itself was great! But 2 days after my 30th birthday my best friend/dog that I had for 9 years passed away suddenly.

And nothing hurt more than that.
All the other things were hard... but this was the hardest!
Then 3 days after that, we found out our other dog was sick and we knew she didn't have long.

The time between Jethro passing suddenly and Maisel finally passing was only about 2 months apart. In that 2 months my business celebrated its 2 years being open/1 year in the new space.

And honestly I didn't give a s**t.
The only reason I knew about it was because Facebook reminded me.

Looking back at the End of June- begining of September...well I hardly remember.

I was living out of fight or flight. I'm now able to be out of it enough to look back and realize how FU**ED UP I was during that time.

I needed help. Bad.

I've been through alot the past 2 years (as you're reading) but this one got me. This has changed me... and at this point I can't say for the better.

I was finally starting to lessen some walls and melt some coldness in my heart because of some relationships I was in.... but the dogs passing shut me down emotionally and physically.
My walls are up and my heart feels cold again.

I'm mainly speaking personally... if you're one of my clients... you'd have no clue. Because I'm good at my job/ compartmentalizing.

I can support/ love/ hold space for/ be open and vulnerable with my clients.
When it comes to work I can do that with grace and ease. And I'm so honored to.

But in my personal life, I'm feeling really disconnected and finding it very hard to give and receive love. It's really causing me to analyze the way I interact with those I'm closest to.

*more story to follow soon*
*here are some pictures of Jethro and Maisel*

The rest of this story isn't super juicy. If you've been following along with a mind of being nosey into my world, You'l...
12/21/2022

The rest of this story isn't super juicy. If you've been following along with a mind of being nosey into my world, You'll probably be disappointed from here on out (until we get to the poly post). But like I said in my first post, writing this out is more for me than for you.

Story continued...

I could have made living with my husband work. That was the one thing we actually did pretty well together. But with him still not fully grasping the degree of our seperation I figured the best way to create the sense of separation was to move out.

January 2022
So over this past year I moved in with my brother and sister in law for awhile, then I thought I found what I would have considered at the time my dream housing situation (which fell through), and now I'm living with my mom.

What a blessing to have people help catch me when I fall without a plan.

I'm realizing I do that alot.
I jump without thinking logically.
But when I think logically I think myself out of doing anything because I become overwhelmed by fear.
So jumping and hoping I land has been my method. Which can be really annoying to the type A person you are married too. Lol

But this feeling of home or wanting a home is my core desire.
More then anything else in the world, I want a space that is mine.
Growing up when most little girls were thinking about their weddings (eye roll, problematic), I was dreaming about having a home of my own. A space where I can escape from the world and be safe and have the few things I hold dear close by.

I probably couldn't even count the places I have lived over the past 12 years.
It's like all along I'm searching for my space and truth be told have made alot of mistakes trying to get there. Getting very lost and distracted along the way.

This was a big reason for getting married in the first place. Growing up I was told that if I ever wanted my own house I'd have to get married because as a woman I couldn't financially do it on my own.

But silly girl... living with a boy is not the same as having your own space. 🤦

When I get down with that existential dread of "what is the point of anything?"... I also come back to "finding that home" as an answer.

And how does this relate to my business?
Well right now I'm not sure how to find my home while also focusing on my business. The universe has made it VERY clear that it's one or the other. Not both.

So this past year...
Losing my housing
Seperating from my husband
Surgery to lose the ability to get pregnant.

Transition. Transition. Transition.

*more of the story coming soon*

*mainly the the pictures from the begining of this year where just me and dogs cuddling in my bed lol and also a cute one of me when I started feeling myself again*

The day that I realized it was time to seperate from my husband was the same day that I had an ultrasound to check on so...
12/19/2022

The day that I realized it was time to seperate from my husband was the same day that I had an ultrasound to check on some ovarian cysts that I had 3 years back. Just a regular check up appointment.

November 2021
During the ultrasound the technician kept asking if this was painful or if that hurt. I felt nothing.
Which due to the most recent s*xual trauma and loads of past s*xual trauma, numbness was my baseline.

Right after the ultrasound i met with my doctor.
She walks in and said "so there's 2 cysts on your right o***y each the size of a golf ball... annnnnd one cyst on the left side about the size of a SOFTBALL!"

She was amazed that I wasn't in alot of pain and said we needed to schedule surgery asap. Which ended up being the Monday after Thanksgiving last year.

But something the doctor also mentioned was that due to the placements of the cysts she could also remove my tubes. Leaving me permanently unable to get pregnant. Now this was all prior to this years Roe v. Wade terror that we have all been watching. My doctor mentioned that because of where the cysts are they may need to remove the tubes anyway (at least on the left side) and this way if I wanted to have this procedure done in the future I wouldn't need to go through all the hoops (husband's approval, already having 2+ kids, ect) to get approved for the elective surgery.

So I said f**k yea!

I know deep down that I have NO interest in having children. So this for me felt like a major blessing in disguise. And with all that's been going on this year it gives me such peace of mind to know I'm "safe" from the consequences of getting pregnant and then needing an abortion and not having access to that form of health care.

On a small level there's a version of survivors guilt that I'm privileged enough to not have to worry about that scenario ever again.

Because I WAS someone who needed access to an abortion many years ago and THANK GOD that was something I could choose because it was 100% the best choice for me! That's not to say that it wasn't a traumatic experience (and that honestly is the one thing I have trouble going back and feeling into). Also, you'd be surprised how many people you know have had abortions that just do not feel comfortable talking about it, especially to those who spew hate. Just saying.

And this surgery brought alot of that back to the surface. Even if choosing to never have children was a choice I was making there is still a grieving process that comes along with that. And to layer that with ending my marriage.
It gave me a sense of freedom and power back over my life that I didn't know I needed.

And who needs kids when you can have dogs... and my dogs aren't going anywhere, right??

So 2021 was alot of ending.
All for the better but that doesn't mean it wasnt hard.

And 2022 was definitely going to be better.
For sure.
It had to be better.
*as the universe laughs

**this picture is from the drive home after surgery**

So needless to say the first year of being open was rough emotionally. At the one year of being open, I moved business t...
12/17/2022

So needless to say the first year of being open was rough emotionally. At the one year of being open, I moved business to its current location. Alot of transitions for sure.

November 1st, 2021
(2 months in the new location)
my whole world changed in one day..

*I thought I was losing my housing due to a plumbing issue
* I realized if we had to move I wanted to move in my own space without my husband
* found out I needed surgery and was choosing to lose the ability to have children permanently

I separated from my husband within the next month. There wasn’t a big fight. There wasn't the “ He found me cheating and so it’s over” moment. There wasn't screaming and throwing my ring at him.
I can’t remember the day it officially happened.
It happened over a few years.

Honestly it was a slow and painful burn. There were many nights of discussions. There was the moving into separate rooms. There was becoming polyamourous (and before you make assumptions this is NOT what ended the marriage and there will be a future post with more details). There were those moments when I had to look into the eyes of my best friend and tell him that I didn’t want him anymore.

What we see in movies and music is what a victim you are when you are broken up with.
But f**k, it is hard to spend 2 years telling someone you love that you do not want to be together.
Because (said with love) he was in denial even when I was very blunt with where I was at. Making it a long drawn out process.
And it was not because he did anything or because I did anything “wrong”.
But because I was not happy. Which I spent a lot of time trying to remind myself is a valid reason.
I also am way gayer than I had previously thought 🤷‍♀️

And now looking back how we BOTH handled "the incident" did more harm than good to our marriage.

We are still best friends.
We are still very close.
There's still alot of love between us.
Just less intertwined.
Less owned

*we are so cute it was hard to just pick one picture so here is all the selfies we took the month after we seperated*

CW- S*xual Assult and consent violationI'm the kind of person that you can just feel when their in their element. I genu...
12/14/2022

CW- S*xual Assult and consent violation

I'm the kind of person that you can just feel when their in their element. I genuinely feel like when I'm feeling myself it's like a ray of light is shining off of me and it's captivating.
I know that may make me sound a bit full of myself but I don't care. It's true. And if you've been close enough to me to see that shine through... You're welcome :p

September 2020
After I signed the lease to my first space I was glowing. I don't think I have ever felt that confident in myself and my body and my life and direction. It was pure magic.

But as I've come to discover (yes this is probably a traumatic limiting belief) that men like to take that magic for themselves. Even if it isn't theirs to have.
Ooo something shiny, I must own it.
So that's what happened.
2 weeks after I signed the lease for the first space.
2 weeks before I got the keys.
I was r***d by a close friend.
Seeing my bright shining self, wanting it for his own, not taking no for an answer.
And in a couple of minutes that light was gone.

It was hard for many reasons. Something like this always has a lot of layers. But of course (being who I am) I just didn't want to make it a thing. I wanted to pretend like nothing happened and keep moving forward.
Especially with all the business stuff that was now at the front of my mind.

Only a few people knew about what happened and I told all those people that I was fine and dealing with it.

I was not... and they probably knew that.

It changed me.
It tainted the start of my business.
It was the beginning of the end of many relationships in my life.
It is still affecting the way that I interact with the people around me.

And in a f**ked up way, it made me better at my job.

This is why consent is so important to me.
And I will say this many times over...

Pulling away... meant no.
I don't want to be intimate with you in that way... meant no.
No response... meant no.
Maybe, I don't know, I just don't want this to be a thing... meant no.
Sobbing... meant no.

*this picture was the first selfie I took after that incident, about a week after*

Story to continue this week...

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