EstherNelda

04/25/2026

At the beginning of April, I shared a piece of my story about childhood sexual abuse and grooming at the hands of my parents, beginning when I was an infant. Since then, I’ve been in what I can only describe as a deep internal reconstruction.

As I’ve been moving through that process, more layers have come to the surface. This is one of them.

18 years ago, I had an abortion. For a long time, I carried a deep, quiet shame around that choice. I’ve worked through much of it, but some of it lingered in the corners.

For years, I believed I was being punished. I believed I was unworthy of love. That something in me was fundamentally broken. I now understand that God was not punishing me. That was never what was happening.

At that time, I didn’t understand what I was living with. My CPTSD wasn’t something I had language for yet. That awareness came later.

I only knew how I felt
defective, unlovable, filled with self-hatred.

My sense of self was shaped by a childhood rooted in sexual, physical, and emotional abuse from both of my parents. That was the lens I saw myself through. That was the voice I believed.

What I understand now is this
that was never the truth of me.

I was carrying pain that was never mine to hold. And slowly, gently, I’ve been setting it down, doing the deep, soul-level healing work.

Be kind to yourself…… Always🕯️🫂🤍

04/15/2026

When I made this video, my account was three months old and I had about 35 followers. I had no idea it would reach 1.5 million people in a matter of days, or what that would truly entail.

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of both of my parents. It began with sexual abuse, grooming, and included physical and psychological abuse. I carried this silently for nearly four decades before breaking that silence.

We are not the sum of what happened to us.
We are not reduced to the trauma we endured.
We are not alone.

The shame was never ours to carry. That’s what predators want you to believe, to keep you small, quiet, and compliant. No longer. We will not stay silent anymore.

We are setting down the shame.
We are setting down the pain.
We are waking up to the truth of who we are.

We are resilient.
We are powerful.
We are love.

What I didn’t expect was what came after… being met, being seen. People holding space for me with kindness, compassion, and care.

For the first time, I’m not just understanding that I’m not alone… I’m feeling it.

And I’ll be honest, my nervous system is stretching to hold all of this love and support. But I’m open to it. I’m integrating. I’m expanding my capacity to receive.

Thank you for being here
Be kind to yourself, always 🤍🥹🫂🕯️

04/08/2026

I want to share something with you…

All of this deep, intensive shadow work… the unraveling, the peeling back layer after layer… it changes you. And there comes a point, that you’re fully “done” healing, but you reach a place where you’re healed “enough” to stand in a new kind of space.

And in that space, at first… you brace. You look around, almost waiting. Like, okay… I’m ready. Come at me. I can handle it now. But then… nothing comes. And slowly, you realize that was the thing you needed to prepare for anymore.

Now the question becomes… do you have the capacity to receive?

Because when you’ve lived a life bracing for impact, you learn how to survive. You learn how to endure, how to get yourself out of hard places. But joy… joy is different. Joy requires openness. It requires presence. And that can feel unfamiliar… even a little scary.

To be in your body. To feel safe there. To exist in the present moment without waiting for something to go wrong… that’s a new way of living.

But I promise you… if you keep showing up for yourself in that space, if you allow yuourself to stay open… joy doesn’t just feel safe, it feels
🕯️🫂

04/07/2026

⚠️Warning Sensitive material⚠️
📽️Full video in on my YouTube
🔗link in my bio
Part: 3
For decades, I held it all in. I couldn’t acknowledge what was done to me, couldn’t even let the truth fully exist in my mind, so I buried it under every rug and in every closet, slamming the door shut and hoping it would stay there. But the body remembers, not just emotionally, but physically.
I lived in a quiet shame for most of my life, a shame that was never mine to carry. As a child, my body had physiological responses to abuse, not because I wanted it or asked for it, but because the body responds. And when the people hurting you tell you that means you “liked it,” a child believes them. I was told I was bad, that I was dirty, and I believed it because I didn’t have any other perspective.
I learned to say “yes” to stay safe, to be agreeable, to not make him angry, because somewhere deep inside my body knew that was how I survived. I didn’t have language for any of this then, but I do now, and what I know is this:
a child’s body responding is not consent, it is not desire, and it is never something to be ashamed of.
The shame was never ours, it was placed on us by people who couldn’t hold their own darkness. If you’ve ever carried that same weight, I want you to know you are not dirty, you are not broken, and you were never the one who did something wrong.

04/03/2026

This is a channeled message, and the only trending audio I’m using is the voice that God gave me.
This did not find you by mistake… it found you because you’re ready to hear it and ready to receive what’s carried in my words.
If this message resonates, let it sink in… let it absorb… and let it gently become a part of you.
There’s nothing you need to do except be open to receive.
💛🧡🫂🔊

04/01/2026

⚠️Warning Sensitive material⚠️
📽️Full video in on my YouTube
🔗link in my bio
Part: 2
As a child, my body was not a safe place to live in.

What was done to me created a deep disconnection from myself. I learned to leave my body in order to survive, and in doing so, I lost the ability to hear it, to trust it, to feel safe inside it. Even the most basic human experiences like using the bathroom, eating, and being touched became complicated, painful, and layered with fear and shame.

I could not simply go to the bathroom without my body tightening in fear. I could not eat without the weight of my mother’s words telling me I was undeserving. Food was controlled, withheld, and used as punishment. My relationship with my body became something I feared, something I abandoned, something I did not know how to care for.

That disconnection did not stay in childhood. It followed me. It grew into eating disorders, chronic infections, autoimmune issues, and a body that felt like it was at war with itself. When you are taught over and over again that your body is not safe, your body begins to believe it. It stops trusting you because you were never given the chance to trust it.

There is a deep and real connection between trauma and the physical body. What we endure does not just live in memory, it lives in our tissues, our nervous system, our daily lived experience.

This is a small piece of my story, but it matters. Because there are so many who are living in bodies that feel like battlefields, not realizing why.

And if this is you, you are not broken. Your body learned how to survive.🕯️🫂❤️‍🩹

03/29/2026

⚠️Warning Sensitive material⚠️
📽️Full video in on my YouTube
🔗link in my bio

There’s a part of my story that can be hard to hold, because it asks us to see more than one truth at the same time.

My mother participated in things that were deeply harmful to me as a child. That is true.

And… she was also being groomed by my father. She was vulnerable, limited in her capacity, living in a very small world that made her easy for him to prey on. He saw that. He used it.

Both things are true.

I have compassion for her. I have understanding. And I have chosen forgiveness.

Not because it was asked of me. It never was.
But because it was necessary for me.

My forgiveness is not for them. Not a single part of it.
It’s for me.

Because I cannot heal by holding onto anger and expecting it to change someone else. It won’t. It never does.

Real healing began when I understood that the only thing I can control is myself….
how I feel, how I live, and the choices I make.

That’s where my power is.

My mother was a victim.
And she was also a perpetrator.

Both can exist at the same time.

And I can hold that truth… without it breaking me.🕯️🫂🤍

03/27/2026

⚠️Warning-sensitive material ⚠️
📽️ Full video is on my YouTube Channel

🔗Link in bio
📽️Full video 👇
https://youtu.be/uyMJZqrHuLU

Breaking the Silence: Surviving Childhood Abuse and Finding My Voice - Part 1

I have lived in silence, in shame, in fear, in regret, and in self-loathing for many years. I carried secrets that were never mine to hold, and shame that did not belong to me. At the time, it felt like self-preservation. I believed that if I were to share these parts of myself with anyone, I would be met with disgust, rejection, and more pain.

I can see now that this was the story I was telling myself, shaped by the lens of my life experiences, a lens formed through complex trauma CPTSD. It was not the truth of who I am, but a reflection of what I had been through.

What has changed is my capacity. I have created safety within myself, within the space of my own body. Safety is not something I look for outside of me anymore. It lives within me, and because of that, I can now extend my hand outward.

When you create safety inside yourself, you build the capacity to hold what once felt unbearable. You can stay with discomfort without abandoning yourself. And once that capacity is there, everything shifts. You’re no longer standing at the starting line, telling yourself “I’ll start on Monday,” over and over again. You begin, and you continue. That is the difference. That is capacity.

I share from a place of continued healing and growth. If you are seeking safety within yourself, there is a path. This is me extending my hand to you… will you take it?

📽️Full video 👇
https://youtu.be/uyMJZqrHuLU

03/07/2026

When we do deep healing work, the integration doesn’t happen all at once. Your body releases what was touched in a session slowly, in a way your nervous system can safely hold. It’s a bit like a slow-release aspirin nothing is forced, nothing is rushed.

When you’re healing your frequency, activating dormant DNA, and up-leveling into a new way of being, your system integrates that shift in layers. Emotions, memories, or realizations may surface while you’re simply living your life. Not necessarily in a quiet moment set aside for healing. It might be a random Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of something ordinary.

That’s because your system is ready…. even if your surroundings aren’t ideal.

Healing has its own intelligence. As your frequency shifts, your body gently learns how to hold that new resonance.

So when something surfaces, stay with yourself. Breathe. Be gentle. Hold yourself with patience and kindness as your system integrates this new frequency.

02/16/2026

Hi Kalamazoo 🤍

I’m Esther, a Quantum Energy Healer & Multidimensional Channel based in the Greater Lansing area. I’ll be in town this weekend offering live, in-person sessions at the Weekend Psychic & Holistic Fair.

📍 Kalamazoo Expo Center (North Hall)
February 20–22
Friday 3–9pm
Saturday & Sunday 10am–6pm

If you’re curious about quantum energy work or multidimensional channeling, I’d love to connect while I’m visiting. Feel free to stop by, ask questions, or sit for a session.

EstherNelda.com ✨

02/13/2026