01/01/2026
For the past three years, I concluded the year by responding to Suleika Jaouad’s “Five Lists.” I found her book, Between Two Kingdoms, one year after being diagnosed with breast cancer. It became the catalyst for my own survivorship journey.
2025 was hard in many ways. Doctors appointments filled my weeks for months on end, draining me. Depleting me. I need outdoor exploration, creative marathons, and freedom to breathe. The onslaught of doctors suffocated me into another depression. The daily negativity in news, finances, climate, health, government…was also exhausting and joy-inhibiting. I found myself writing less, creating less, exploring less - rejuvenating me less.
I also reflected more this year on who I am. I have a stronger understanding of me, what I need to thrive, and what I offer others.
Looking to 2026, I’m recommitting to rejuvenating myself so that I may spread joy to others. I know there are so many uncertainties ahead. I’m trying to take one day at a time.
I’m trying to pace myself. I give 150% to everything, and I burn out as a result. I’m learning to stop apologizing for the things that make me tick. My need for independence. For space. For creative freedom. For exploration. To fully feel each emotion. These are the parts of me I will own this year.
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What in the last year are you proud of?
Reflecting on who I am, and seeking answers to trends. When I noticed that I frequently cry, not out of sadness, but out of overwhelm, I took action. Throughout my life, this has been a source of shame. Crying isn’t socially acceptable, but I found it to be a biological response to overwhelm - whether that was a teacher saying how great I did to being frustrated at not understanding instructions, I would cry. By July, I had a diagnosis of autism. And, I feel relief. Relief at finally understanding critical parts of myself. And, I yearn for so much more understanding.
What did this year leave you yearning for?
I yearned for time. I always yearn for time, but it’s the thing that we have so little of. I wanted more time away from doctors. More time to have marathon creation sessions. More time to visit family. More time to hike. I yearned to have more energy. I felt overwhelming fatigue for large portions of the year that left me drained.
What’s causing you anxiety?
2025 caused me anxiety. I became anxious about the future. I’ve always been an optimist, someone who tries to find joy in anything because it’s what keeps me going. However, I felt anxious for our souls, for life. Recognizing that people I know and care for continued to support a group that paraded hatred and immorality left me jaded. I still look for cracks in this dark hold that has captured America. However, I’ve found I need breaks from joy-searching. And, that in itself, makes me anxious.
What resources, skills, and practices can you rely on in the coming year?
I want to practice intentionality. I want to only make purchases with intention. I want to eat with intention. I want to have intention in my relationships. I want to experience each moment as it comes. I also want to write again. I missed my writing. It helped ground me. As I approach five years since my diagnosis, I want to practice living . Each year, I’ve grown more into my new normal.
What are your wildest, most harebrained ideas and dreams?
I want to create my own makerspace for thrivers and survivors to practice healing through making. This year, I worked hard to make this more of a reality. Some day, I hope to announce that this space exists. I firmly believe that creativity, failing, trying something new are the ways to growing and healing. I dream of having land where we can have donkeys, a gazillion animals to care for, a garden to sustain us, wildflowers to make us dream, trails to help us explore, and peace. So much peace. It’s such of a cliche thing to say, but this year more than ever, I crave peace and I dream of peace.
