06/22/2025
Meltdowns 👏 aren’t 👏 manipulation 👏
💚Ok, I made my point right? The next question I get is “then what do I do”. Here are a few ways you can help your kid the next time they go into FIGHT mode.
🌬️ Breathe Together: Yes, I know this sounds cliche. But if you model slow, deep breathing you’re not only teaching them how to stimulate their vagus nerve to chill tf out - you’re also regulating yourself! Try fun visuals like “Smell the flower, blow out the candle” or “there’s a balloon in my belly! I wonder if I can blow it up really slowly” and make that fun pfffft noise for the exhale!
🤗 Use Deep Pressure: Firm hugs, a weighted blanket, a “pillow sandwich,” or doing “heavy work” like pushing a wall can help their brain understand where their body is in space (also known as proprioception) — and can trigger a calming response.
⏳ Try Rhythmic Movement: Rocking, swaying, or patting their back in a slow, repeating pattern can help organize the nervous system and create a sense of safety. The key to this is keeping it predictable. When a nervous system is disorganized, it needs structure, routine, rhythm - predictability it can rely on.
🌙 Make the Space Calm: Dim the lights, reduce noise, and move slowly. Speak softly and offer simple choices like, “Do you want to sit here or over there?” to give them a sense of control. And hey, if they aren’t able to calm down solo, then the room calms down first.
💙 Connect Before You Correct: Validate their emotions. It may not make sense to you why they are upset, but that doesn’t really matter. They are upset. So meet them where they are. Use the “lead with curiosity” language I gave you last week, and wait it out.
Remember:
👉 You’re NOT rewarding aggression — you’re responding to their nervous system.
👉 Helping them feel safe is the first step in helping them shift out of ‘fight mode’ and logical thinking.
