07/22/2025
Yes! We need this!
Men need more platonic intimacy together.
This is my sweet brother . He has helped me move through so many of my negative associations with men.
One thing I hear over and over again from men is that they stopped receiving affection from their parents and their peers once puberty began.
There are many reasons for this. One is that testosterone decreases the ease of emotional expression so boys appear a bit more stern and shut down.
This isn't the case for all boys, but the ones who do have this effect are quite affected by it.
Another reason is the unspoken, yet deeply felt, fear of male sexual energy.
When a boy begins maturing into a man his own father's internal homophobia can cause the father to pull back kisses, hugs, and hand holding.
His mother may give him more space than she would have when he was younger because it's intimidating or harder to relate to them.
One of the most important things for boys in puberty is touch.
Just consider this: boys start going into puberty and are treated differently by the people in their life.
Then, in their isolation, they turn to p**n.
So they're touch-starved, isolating, and spending hours (for most men and boys I've worked with) watching p**n.
They begin developing in a dissociative state where the only touch is sexual self-touch in isolation.
This is no bueno and, I believe, contributes to developmental sexual trauma.
Whether it's competitive sports, dance groups, cuddling, or just simply walking with their arms around each other I hope more boys are encouraged and supported in normalizing male platonic affection throughout development.
For me, it has been life changing to have friends (especially straight ones) who are so comfortable with touch, hugging, eye contact, and affection.
It has helped transform the fear in my body around men into something more softer and trusting, and it has also helped me not see all male touch as sexual.
I'll be talking about this during my webinar on Saturday August 9th at 12pm EST.
The webinar is specifically about supporting boys through puberty. Let me know anything you want me to cover and I'll do my best to work it in.
