07/20/2025
Here's a throwback for you: 🌟 Story Time 🌟
July 19, 2009.
This is me in labor with my daughter. I was young, scared, and had no idea what labor and delivery would entail. My water broke early in the morning, so I rushed to the hospital (becuase I thought that's what I had to do). My contractions hadn't really picked up yet, and I was only dilated 2-3cm. So of course, I was told I "needed" pitocin to get labor going since my water had broken. Again, I didn't know any better so I went with it. Immediately my contractions were coming hard and strong. Being in the bed on all the monitors was so uncomfortable, and I didn't know how to fix it, so after many many hours, I asked for an epidural so that I could finally rest. When the epidural was placed, all of a sudden I was very lightheaded, dizzy, and didn't feel well. My blood pressure had tanked, so they gave me more medication to raise it. I was also given an oxygen mask to wear for the rest of my labor. I was put on my left side and told to stay there, so I did- for the next several hours. When it was finally time to push, I was terrified, confused, and so numb I had no idea where to direct my efforts. At one point, I cried and the doctor who was on-call (not my regular dr) asked me "why are you crying, you have an epidural?!" I told her I was upset because she was yelling at me, and that I was trying my best. She told me she wasn't yelling at me, she was coaching me 🙄. So I kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing.. over 2 hours. Finally when she was nearly born, the doctor announced that my baby was presenting occiput posterior (I of course had no idea what this meant) but she told me it was going to be harder to deliver her. More pushing, and finally her head was born. After that, honestly- things get fuzzy for me. The room FILLED with people, the dr was moving the bed, and another doctor came in, put a step stool next to my bed, climbed up on it, and said "this is going to hurt, I'm sorry" before he began pushing HARD on my stomach. I thought he was going to break my ribs. After what seemed like forever- she was born. I was so relieved!!! But then, I realized they weren't handing her to me. They immediately cut her umbilical cord, whisked her away, and nurses surrounded her. I wanted to hear her cry and I wanted to hold her. She did cry after a couple of moments, and when they finally brought her to me, one of the nurses said something to the effect of "whew, that was close" ... what!? I had to ask what had happened. I begged for someone- anyone- to explain to me what the problem had been. A nice nurse finally explained to me that my daughter had gotten very stuck, both because of her facing up instead of down, and because she had broad shoulders, causing a shoulder dystocia. When she was born, she was completely gray, was not breathing, and completely limp. They had taken her so quickly to resuscitate her. I was left feeling grateful, but also more confused, sad, and feeling like I had failed.
I'm telling this story because SO MANY OTHER MOMS go into labor and delivery feeling this way. Trusting that birth will just "happen" because that's what hospitals are for, right?? But in hindsight, I needed someone to be with me! I needed someone to explain to me how to prepare my body for labor and birth. I needed someone to explain the process to me. I needed someone to tell me about fetal position and how it would effect my baby's birth experience. Someone to tell me its okay to stay home and wait for contractions to come, that I had a choice about pitocin, that its okay to get out of bed to encourage baby to move down, that there were very real side effects of the epidural no one warned me about. I needed someone to hold my hand and explain what was happening with my shoulder dystocia! Someone to tell me my baby was okay while she was with the NICU team. I just needed support and encouragement and someone to back me up.
🎀 I needed a doula 🎀
And now I get to be that person. I'm humbled every time someone invites me into their birth space, because I know how it can be. I've been there. My experience largely impacted my decision to begin researching and learning about birth. I went on to have 2 more births that were completely different experiences, and both great!!!
You can have a better birth- I can help!
