01/13/2025
Today’s episode of Svadhyaya is brought to you by the number ONE and the number SIX! (Sesame Street fans will understand!)
My oldest child has shared life with me for 16 years today. For 16 years I have identified as a parent. The good, the bad, the new, the awe-inspiring, the overwhelming. I have felt all of it fully.
I think societally, parenting is looked at as a gift. And truly, it is, but that does not mean that it does not come with a lot of guilt, shame, anger, breakdowns, questions, and darkness. It is magical, but also hard as hell. It’s the hard as hell part that often goes unnoticed or is quieted.
Im here to say, say it loudly and proudly. It’s a balance, like everything else. You can’t fully appreciate the joy without going through the pain. You have to know what both feel like. And it’s ok to admit that sometimes it’s really fu***ng hard.
Parenting changes you, or at least it did me. I was 25 in this picture and that version of me so is vastly different from who I am today.
I was recently told, in a not so kind way, that “getting pregnant doesn’t make you an expert on parenting” from someone who is not a parent. And even though that statement stings because of my own triggers and trauma around my pregnancy and my postpartum depression, I have to laugh because I don’t know a single parent who would ever claim to be an expert!
Is there an expert level? Where do I feel like I fall these days? What knowledge do I bring to the collective parenting table? How has parenting impacted me? How do I bring my yogic practices into parenting? How do my children bring their knowledge into my life and expand my understanding? All questions that have come up for me today. All that require a little self-study in the days to come.
I feel peaceful today. Grateful. Full of love and admiration for this amazing spirit who has spent 16 years hanging out with me.
I would move mountains for them. And truthfully, I have. And I will continue to clear a better path forward ❤️