12/11/2024
😶"I don't care either way, whatever you prefer"
😶"I don't like to make decisions"
😶"I'm okay with whatever you think is best"
😶"I don't want to cause any trouble, so I will just do what everyone else does"
Do any of these phrases sound familiar? These are examples of passive statements. You may be thinking, "but I really don't mind letting others take control!" I get that, I really do. But what we don't realize is that letting others take control over time is what leads to inner turmoil, resentments, anxiety, stress, and depression.
What happens is that we start to become out of touch with our own emotions, wants, needs, values, etc. We start to lose our identity a little bit and maybe even become codependent on others. Passive statements here and there do not necessarily cause this, but if you're saying statements like this over a lifetime and you are not consciously checking in to see if you really do have an opinion, then it can become a problem.
Where I suggest starting is figuring out your own values. This is a great worksheet to get started:
https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/values-clarification
Once you start to identify your values, then you can start making decisions with more confidence and ease. For example:
⚡️Your friend asks you, "Do you want to go out on Friday night for some dinner and drinks?" Someone who values "Calmness" and "Free Time" - and who has identified this - might say "I've actually had a busy week and I could really use some down time. Would you like to join me for dinner at my house, instead?"
⚡️Your family member asks if you would like to go to the movies or for a hike this Saturday. You are someone who has recognized "Nature" is an important value in your life. After reflecting on being inside all week, you may say "I would really love to go for a hike. Being outside makes me happy and takes my stress away. Can you meet at 10:00 AM?"
Once you have identified some of your top values, feel free to share below!!