03/20/2024
When I was about 15 (it was the mid-1960’s) my Mom asked if I thought she and my Dad should stay together. It was a totally inappropriate question given my age but she was confused, frustrated and probably a little desperate. We lived in very small town in Central Kansas…one of those places where privacy was almost nonexistent. Everyone knew everyone and most of their business. So, I’m sure there weren't many places she could go with that question. As I recall it, my response was a very self-serving, “Yes, you should stay!” She did and they eventually arrived at a good marriage in their 60’s.
That exchange jumpstarted my interest in couples. Though there have been many twists and turns in my life, I wound up with a full-time private practice as a couple therapist. The twists and turns include a year in France, two years on a Saharan oasis in Algeria, graduate schools, fifteen years as a university professor, two failed marriages, the death of a spouse, three children, two stepchildren and currently an essentially healthy long-term partnership with a wonderful woman.
Long story short… I’ve devoted my career to understanding how couples work and attempting to translate that understanding into useful interventions in the lives of well over a thousand couples. In addition, I’ve personally lived almost every variation on “couple life.”
It might be a bit grandiose, but I think I know what I’m talking about.
What does all this have to do with saving the world?
Well… It seems clear that how we treat each other (particularly those we are closest to) goes a long way toward determining how we are in the universe and, therefore, (in some small way) how the universe unfolds.
In the weekly posts that follow I will offer insights and suggestions for treating those close to you with the kind of respect that underpins the world most of us would like to inhabit. What I will offer is pretty simple… maybe common sense… but it likely won’t be easy. Though simple, it will not gloss over the complexity that intimate relationships naturally bring.
I've been a couple therapist for over 45 years and I've learned a lot. I'm offering some very simple advice for those who want to make the connection they have with their partner the best it can be. The advice is simple but likely not easy. Click to read Simple Advice for Couples, by Jake Thiessen,....
