11/06/2024
Gossip, prejudice, mistreatment and brutal honesty.
It’s been 17 weeks today, Conner I love and miss you so much! I do want to thank you for the things you planned ahead on - your wildflowers, fruit trees, pups….ALL the things! I haven’t posted in a few weeks - partly because I have been sick and partly because a few things have really been on my mind.
Gossip is the sharing of untrue information - or opinions - for the purpose of malice. Such an act leads to prejudice of those you share it with - which leads to mistreatment of those you are speaking of. It spreads like a poisonous wildfire and the effects last for years. Some mistreatment stems from the ignorance of those who just don’t even care to have the whole story, or consider themselves (or their offspring) capable of doing such harm or being touched by disappointment. Members of the church are not impervious to the situation or condition I think it could even be called.
I volunteered at the school when the kids were little during book fair. There was a prestablished mom clique volunteering at the same time - the gang leader was horrible to me - I never went back. She went on to be employed by the school - terrifying as the thought was - I avoided her. She was a screamer, rude, mouthy to the kids - same as she has done to me in the library. Years later C was in high school and she reached out to me accusing C of bullying her son on the bus. As it turned out - her son was calling C “Phillips Screwdriver” because of his name - thinking he was playing - C called the kid “Garden Gnome” (a play on his name). This young man was very small and told his bigger friends C was picking on him - which resulted in C being placed in a headlock and lifted over the back of a bus seat - and not able to breathe. J took C to the kids house and spoke with the parents - the young man admitted to the actions - and apologized. The mistreatment eats at me because of the kind soul C was. I wonder if that young man feels any different about his actions now that C is gone?
I had a situation within the church - a young man that would go out of his way to pick on one of our kids - it happened on Sunday School, Wednesday nights, in front of J and I. Now we spoke to parents and grandparents - both of which believed that we were just picking on their child. The mom shared false information with the grandma - which lead to prejudice - the grandma is cold to us to this day. Mistreatment.
I will always fight for my children, that being said - I will also be the first to call them out when they are wrong.
Mistreatment can also happen out of selfishness. I did not visit my grandpa in hospice because I did not want to remember him that way. Mariah and I were with my grandma when she passed in the same hospice. C had home hospice and he was surrounded by friends and loved ones after he went to sleep - Pastor, J and I were here with him - he waited until we had all nodded off and passed - with the kids asleep upstairs and his pup by his side.
Learning from poor choices is an important part of life. C had friends who showed up weekly (and that last night), some who texted regularly, and one who disappeared not wanting to remember him sick. That friend has struggled with the guilt of their choice - we have talked - I was brutally honest. I pray they make a different choice in the future.
There are some friends who you think will always have your back - who freak out when your life becomes too real. This stems from them having a false reality that they are untouchable by disappointment. I was talking with a friend journey not to different from ours and she mentioned the people who ghosted them - people they felt were close friends. (Which triggered LOTS of loud feelings.) Our journey brought new friends who had our backs and were truly hands on - only a phone call away! We had friends we knew always had our rope and prayed, visited a few times and helped from a distance. My close group were always busy behind the scenes - even without me having to ask - but I didn’t necessarily see them often. These were always there.
Now what hurts my heart most - for anyone in this situation - are the ghosting friends. Friends who say call me, text me, I am happy to help….and they ghost you - don’t return calls or texts. This is pure evil. Sometimes in grieving you just don’t want to be alone, or feel alone - that might mean a cup of coffee, a shoulder to cry on, a presence so you don’t cry, just being there. Some days motivation is limited - and that presence is nice. Some days I just need quiet and want your presence. I have a “friend” who I reached out to on a particularly hard day and just didn’t want to be alone. The family doesn’t live very far away and a short visit was all I was looking for….she ghosted me. It’s been weeks….WEEKS!!! Don’t pretend. That is the worst thing you can do - if you love someone - BE THERE! SHOW UP! I am not talking about life happened and plans changed - I’m talking about failure to be present in any fashion. It’s heart breaking and sometimes hits even harder than grief itself.
I have 4 children - each with a different approach to life choices - but I have always told them to own their actions. You made a poor choice? Own your actions! Yep I did that and yep I will pay the consequences - good or bad.
Life gets real sometimes. Be present for those you love. Life isn’t just about you. When someone you have mistreated is gone - it’s too late to fix it and you are the one who has to live with the pain and consequences. When you mistreatment someone you love who is going through a non ideal situation - you may never be able to repair that relationship or hurt. Don’t be selfish.
Brutal. Honesty.
If something I said hits you - step back a take a look at your actions because it’s not me talking to you.
Like Mom always says - We Love Each Other!
Laugh hard. LOVE HARDER!♥️
