Dr. Chelsi Davis

01/18/2023

Obsessing about what you should eat, what you should look like, and how you are failing at both is miserable. I’d love to help ❤️

To learn more or enroll visit: https://drchelsidavis.teachable.com/p/salespage

06/03/2022

Do what your mama tells ya, kids.

What I don't like about people telling you to not be upset is they are dismissing the fact that, you are, indeed, upset.

Steps to responding to someone who is upset:

1: Acknowledge that I'm upset. Literally say: "I know you are upset."

2: Be curious. "What's making you upset right now?"

3: Express understanding, even if you wouldn't be upset if the same thing happened to you. "I get why you would be upset about that."

4: Ask how to support: "What would be helpful to hear right now? What would feel supportive?"

5: Do what they say, if you can. If you can't in good conscience, say: "Urgh. I wish I could do/say that. What I can say is I care about you and I wish that I could do more."

What do you think of telling someone not to be upset?

05/31/2022

It's nothing personal. I just can't stand you.

05/27/2022

Emotional eating is unavoidable-we literally are wired to experience pleasure from eating. It's science!

If your goal is to stop emotionally eating-this is why you are struggling to do that.

Accept that food will give you some pleasure-AND that there are limits to what food can do for you.
This acceptance empowers you to chose how to use food to comfort you AND gives you the opportunity to figure out what else you can do to create pleasure in your life.

Because food just isn't cutting it.

05/24/2022

Part II of who knows how many: How can I stay motivated?!

Again, I'm a therapist, so when asked a question I ask questions back. And when asked this question, I in turn ask:

What are you trying to accomplish?
What makes you want to that?

For example:
What are you trying to accomplish?
"I want to run every day for a half hour and lift weights for a half hour."
What makes you want to do that?
"Being healthy is important to me. I want to be able to walk up the stairs without losing my breath-sheesh!"

In this example, we may explore if there are other ways besides running and lifting weights for an hour every day to move towards your value of being healthy. (This is assuming that "health" really is an important value to you and not just something you feel like you "should" value!)

If working out every day isn't something you are doing, we would explore what is getting in the way.
Maybe that number feels intimidating and hopeless and setting a different workout goal would create more optimistic feelings. If we don't have hope of meeting a goal, our motivation is going to be low low low.
We may explore how to be more flexible about what "exercise" means-maybe broadening your concept of what working out means to include a workout class or meditation. It could be that the prospect of doing the same exercise every day feels boring!

Part of staying motivated is about making sure you actually feel capable of, optimistic about, and interested in doing what you want to be motivated to do.

What do you want to stay motivated for?!

05/20/2022

This one comes up A LOT. And..it's complicated. Therefore, this is Part I of a series on this question. How many posts will there be in this series? Only time will tell :)

Anyway, since I am a therapist, I am legally obligated to ask questions back instead of answering the question of how to stay motivated :)

When asked this-I ask back:
What are you trying to accomplish?
What makes you want to that?

For example:
What are you trying to accomplish?
"I want to wake up early in the mornings to have some time to myself before everyone wakes up."
What makes you want to do that?
"I just feel like I should do it. It shouldn't be this hard, but I can't do it."

In this example, we would talk about how feeling like you should do something isn't super closely tied to a value, which makes it not motivating to you! If this was your response, we would try to find a value that is important to you that is tied to the goal of waking up early. For example-the values of efficiency or parenting.

How could this tie to efficiency?
We would identify how waking up earlier could make you more efficient. Will you get tasks done without a million questions thrown at you and thus get tasks done more quickly? Are you able to take a deep breath and have a coffee which sets your mood up right and makes you more efficient later in the day?

How could this tie to the value of parenting?
Would you be in a better mood if you had one gosh darn moment to yourself before taking care of everyone? Would waking up early to your alarm make you less frantic than waking up to wailing cries, making you calmer and more patient when everyone wakes up? Would it allow you to make lunches without the critical gaze of a two year old who has a very strong opinion on pickles even though they have NEVER ACTUALLY TRIED THEM?

Part of staying motivated is about making sure what you are motivated for is actually something that is important to you.

If it is just something that you feel like "should be" important-it's just not going to happen.

What do you want to stay motivated for?

05/13/2022

I'm nearing 100 runs (cough-jogs), and I was reflecting upon how this milestone came to be.

Not a single one of these jogs happened out of a desire to lose weight.

Some of these jogs were at night, during some I bundled up and braved the frigid cold, some were in the early morning, most were in the afternoons when I needed a break from the day, some felt awesome, a few felt absolutely terrible, most felt just ok.

But all of them happened because I felt strong or wanted to feel strong, I felt capable or wanted to feel capable, because I wanted to work through current stress or chip away at my stress backlog.

I know from my past self that if I had wanted to jog in order to lose weight or look different-the vast majority of these jogs would not have happened. That just didn't motivate me. I am so beyond grateful for the new motivation that led to *almost* 100 jogs.

What gets you moving? Comment below!

05/10/2022

Have no fear-this is so incredibly normal!

Disappointing for sure-but this isn't weird, nor does it mean the plan didn't "work!"

When we have a thing that we don't want to do-we are going to have an urge to do the same things we have always done instead of the great new plan that we created. In times of stress, we revert back to what we know, even if what we know makes us stressed out.

Let's say you typically get drunk before a party, because you are nervous. You create a plan to 1. meditate before the party, 2. remind yourself that you are going to spend time with people that you actually like, and 3. bring a list of 3 conversation starters on your phone. The party comes and instead of wanting to do your plan, you feel the urge to get drunk and throw your great plan into a dumpster fire.

That urge to revert back is allowed to exist. AND, just because the urge is there, that doesn't mean you can't decide to do your plan.

Urges aren't a sign that something has gone wrong or that things aren't going to change-there are a sign of stress.

Meme by https://www.instagram.com/boredpd/

05/06/2022

Our feelings are always real-but not always true.

Alone is something I feel a lot, especially when I am doing something new or vulnerable or courageous. When I notice this feeling, I have to remind myself that though I feel alone, I know I am not alone.

05/03/2022

If you are reading all the self-help books, listening to all the podcasts, going to therapy-but nothing is "working" for you...that gets pretty frustrating!

Question: are you doing the things, or just learning about them? That is my own personal default, ha! I hear the tips, suggestions, journal exercises and think "I understand this concept, I don't need to actually do the thing."

But-in order for the advice to "work," I need to.

Is there something you have learned about that you skipped over the "doing" part? Put it in your calendar, make your plan to do the thing and see what happens.

Report back here!

To learn more about how to get yourself to do things, check out podcast episode Add Pleasure to Boring S**t :)

04/07/2022

There is now a podcast, can you even believe it? My colleague and friend Dr. Alysondra Duke and I chat about the work we do as psychologists-we hope you enjoy!

‎Education · 2022

10/19/2021

All the hands in the air if you tried to orchestrate your way out of anxiety by trying to create ABSOLUTELY NO REASONS ANYONE COULD EVER HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU EVER.

Not to brag, but I was pretty good at this. And yet. Problems. Tensions. Anxiety. Worry. Fear. Depression.

Just me? I didn't think so.

I see you. I am you. We can be in recovery together, k?