A Reason to Hope Counseling

11/16/2022

10/20/2022

Every single day I sat at my brother’s bedside, I wavered between hope and dread… I hoped he would be okay, I hoped he would make it, but the dread always won over, because what wafted through my head 24/7 was the anticipation of his death.

With the anticipation, came all the thoughts of what it would be like without him in my life, which was wrapped tightly around my anger, sadness, disappointment, and regret. For eighteen days I anticipated the absolute worst, and my hope began to fade.

Anticipatory grief is a very real experience, and for some people it starts at diagnosis, which could be months or even years before the death. And regardless of how much time you have had to prepare for it, or saw it coming, or knew it was close, when that last breath is taken it is as though you had absolutely no idea.

When someone is struggling with the anticipation of the death of someone they love, please do not say things like, “don’t worry about that now,” or “he’s not dead yet.” Comments like these are not helpful. Instead walk beside them on their journey, support them as they grieve before, and after the death. They are anticipating having to say goodbye to someone they love, imagining a life without them, while also grasping tightly to all the memories they have shared, praying they too don’t leave.

We are in no position to tell someone else how to grieve, when they should start or when they should stop. Just be there for them and understand that this is their journey and remind them they are not alone.

xo
Gabby

10/12/2022

“It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.”
Hugh Laurie