07/25/2024
Look mommy the emperor is NAKED!
Its an old tale from Hans Christian Anderson about a vain and self centered emperor who puts himself and his wants ahead of the good of his empire. He gets convinced by 2 con men that the new clothes they are making for him are invisible to the slow witted. He parades around the city nude....never even thinking about the fact HE can't see his new clothes either.
I recently joined a couple singles groups on facebook in my area, mostly for the laughs. Boy has the dating scene changed in the 24 years since i last looked at it. Then again so have i. I really started thinking about this post a few days ago when i saw someone post a meme with this list of 19 things she expected from a man. It was futhered in my mind when a man responded to this list with what he expected from a woman. These lists covered both the relationship and the physical appearance. What got me really thinking was the way the man was set upon. One responant even saying "well you better hope you're never in an accident were something happens to your body!" I asked myself, why was it ok for the woman poster to have expectations on a mans physical appearance but it was not likewise ok for the man to have expectations on the womans?
Look Mommy the emperor is naked....
The true moral of the story is that the lies we wrap ourselves in are readily transparent to everyone else. But to apply it to todays relationships either in dating or marriage is a much trickier task or so you would be lead to believe.
The FACTS are simple, we do not live in the time from up to the 1950's anymore. But i ask you honestly...were they that bad? Clearly defining expectations in a relationship should NEVER be accompanied by a side dish of ridicule or shame as long s 1. those expectations are realistic and 2. Both parties are and have the freedom to establish their own .
Lets take my previous marriage as an example.
i was expected to:
Pay the bills
Clean
Cook
Take care of the kids
Take care of the yard
Take care of the animals
Repair broken things(3 kids...you can only imagine!)
and pretty much give her what she wanted.
Wanted to breed and show dogs...done cost me 2 surgeries in the process
Wanted to make crafts...done...i lost count of the $ spent
Wanted to sell paparazi jewlery...done...i finally on my owwn got rid of most of it...
Wanted to do T-shirts, hats, cups etc vinyl ....got her all the equipment and supplies...the 15in x 15in heat press was almost $500, its now been 3.5 years...its never even been turned on.
I did everything that was asked of me...and more...and what you may ask did i ask for in return?
I wanted a partner...someone that i could old and ugly with with.
what did i get? i got 3 kids, and no i wouldn't trade them for the world. I got a lot of heartache, i got a lot of grief. I didn't get the one thing i wanted.
Look mommy the emperor is naked.
Todays society , as i am learning is absolutly determined to break men down. you are not allowed to set expectations, you are not allowed to have standards, you must accept what society says you do. You are no longer and alpha, you must be a beta. You don't like it well (list the excuse here because there are to many of them)
I call BS!!! The lack of alpha men is why society has become what it is. The lack of men willing to stand up for themselves and say what they expect AND what they bring to the table. Society says if you say what you're bringing to the table you are being boastful, conceited and misogynistic. BULL CRAP. Everything we are told is designed to break men down because some IDIOT somewhere feels threatened.
Men it is time to have standards AND enforce them. It is time to be who you are and not what you are told you should be.
I'll offer a funny example. Anyone that knows me has probably herd me say "i'm a carnivore" and i am. I'll take a plate of meat hold the veggies 3 times a day and do so happily. Vegans/Vegitarians will call me a murderer, a savage and more..because they want to force their lifestyle on me. I have had a couple try...i laughed and sent pictures of steaks back to them. It's who i AM, it is who i WANT to be. Yes there are some veggies i will eat..but at heart..i'm a carnivore. I REFUSE to apologize for it. I have my standards and i will enforce them for me. I'm not out here forcing my standards on others.
But back to the point, when men have standards for what and who we want we are ridiculed. Never mind that its TOTALLY fine for the other side of the aisle to have standards for who and what they want.
So start standing up for YOURSELF. establish your standards, if you're in a relationship remember that it goes both ways, she gets the same ability to establish standards as you do. Once those standards are established ENFORCE THEM! Do not be a doormat.
When i started enforcing my standards, she left. Now you are saying...OMG! why would i want to enforce standards if she is going to leave? IF she leaves because you have a set of standards, then my guess is you will be better off anyway. In my situation, i set them, i enforced them, she didn't like them, she left.
what you may ask were my standards, how BAD were they for her to leave?
Get out of bed, stop staying in bed 24 hours a day
Help me with the cooking and cleaning
Be a part of our kids lives
Run the businesses you said you wanted to run( read above and the thousands of dollars invested)
Be a partner to me and a mother to our kids.
Not "Lose weight" not "wear this or that" not anything in the physical realm. Just things that you would ASSUME would be a standard part of any relationship.
She left.
as a result i am better off for it. I set a standard, i enforced it. I live by it. Maybe (and thats a very big maybe) one day there will be someone else. for now i am happy living up to my standards...for me.
Look mommy, the emperor is naked. See ya next week!
Comment, Share, invite to like! talk back to me!
