Ridge Top Counseling and Education

12/11/2025

Kancamagus Highway, NH, 12 10 25

11/19/2025

A common (but outdated) strategy is to tell children when they don’t obey us that they are making us sad. We have since realized how damaging this approach can be, as it creates a fawn response, when the child needs support. The focus is taken from the child’s emotional needs, to the adult’s. It’s a guilt trip. Pretty common in the parenting of the 80’s and 90’s but we’re working to grow from that to using tools that do support emotional intelligence and the development of empathy.

We can help children to recognize their own emotions and the emotions of others, without shaming them or making them responsible for our emotions. Simple phrases such as this one above, can create the roots of parentification and enmeshment.

Instead, acknowledge your feelings without placing blame “I’m feeling kind of frustrated and worried right now because we’re running late. I’m going to take some deep breaths so it’s easier to stay calm.”

Do you enjoy my posts about parenting? This post made the cut for my latest book. It’s a concept I’ve never seen before and I’m excited to be the first content creator to do this. I’ve taken my posts and created a book. The book is visually appealing and easy to read, just like when we scroll online or read a book to our child. You can read one post or a whole section. I know I’m bias but it is a must have for all parents who enjoy this page. It is also a way to pass on the knowledge you have gained from this account, to someone else.

Link: https://amzn.to/3Jo40u8

Title: Love Grows: A Collection of Works By J. Milburn

11/19/2025

There is no medication, treatment or operation that can "fix" the spiritual woes we face. Nevertheless, one remedy's effects have been validated by scientists and men, and women of faith alike. "I am referring to the healing power of gratitude."
Russell M. Nelson, "Heart of the Matter," Deseret Book, 2023

11/10/2025

Change can add color and a new dimension to your life much like the brightly colored Autumn leaves. Don't be afraid of change, it can be as refreshing as a cool breeze in the Fall of our lives.
🍂🍁🍂

07/31/2025

“My child never listens!”

Do they really mean “listen” or do they mean “obey”?

When we teach children that the meaning of the word “listen” is actually “obey” they never learn the true meaning of the word. The act of “listening” to someone else instantly evokes feelings of giving up one’s power.

That’s why we try to control other people’s actions and feelings when they do ask us to listen. We think “if I just listen to their point of view, I’m complying and agreeing with what they are saying.” That’s not what “listening” means. When “listen” means “obey” it can be hard for people not to get defensive.

I believe I encounter this paradigm most days, online. People read something I wrote that they do not agree with. They become offended and defensive, even though the post was not personally addressed to them. They made a choice consume the message. Instead of seeing it as a message that they could listen to or not, they saw it as a requirement to obey; “how dare you try to tell me how to parent?”

Well, I didn’t... but when we teach children that the concept of “listening” and “obedience” are so closely intertwined, people can spend their life becoming defensive of those who don’t share their views on everything.

J. Milburn

Edited to add:

Examples of alternatives to “listen to me!”

“I need you to _____ because ______.”

“You need to _______ because _______.”

“You will need to _______ if you want to _______.”

Examples in practice

“I need you to hold my hand because I need to keep you safe in the busy parking lot.”

“You need to brush your teeth because you just ate a cupcake.”

“You will need to put on your shoes if you want to go to the park.”.

Learn more about this in my latest 📖

Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation

Link in bio

07/31/2025

Listening with eye contact is the beginning of validation!

Our children will run into lots of people who don’t validate their emotions. What’s important is they know when they get home their experience will be validated ❤️

J. Milburn

Parents often ask how to get others to treat their child in a responsive way and the truth is, we can’t control others. We can set boundaries but no matter how many boundaries we put up, our children will interact with people who make them feel sad, angry, mad, afraid. We can’t have full control over how they experience the world. Their hearts will be hurt. They will be treated unfairly, at some point. What we can do is ensure that they can always return to their secure base and feel safe. That unconditional acceptance extends to honouring their experiences and listening to their heart even when it hurts ours.

Of course, if your child is being mistreated by someone, speak up! I’m referring to different approaches to interacting with children.

Learn more about how to do this in my latest 📖

Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parent’s Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation⁣⁣
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Link in bio or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣⁣

Reviews

“Your book is currently changing our lives 🙌❤️🙏” T. Frissora

“Absolutely love your book! Thank you for what you do.” KQK

“The first book I can’t put down.” S. Cerami

“I don’t feel alone anymore!” P. Cassin

07/31/2025

06/13/2025

Why do we judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else? We are more critical about our own weaknesses, flaws and mistakes than we are towards the worst offender. It's so important to catch ourselves in the act of unfair self-talk. Catch it early and turn it into a compliment to increase our self-esteem. Try it, you'll like it!

It’s helpful to listen to what your inner critic is trying to warn you about even if you don't agree with how it expresses it's message. See if you can meet your inner critic with curiosity, not shame.

05/25/2025

05/25/2025