03/09/2023
A feeling awakened in me
It wasn’t a soft or graceful one
A blend of rage and deep hurt
The pain that has accompanied this identity of an Arab woman
The ancient bitter taste of repression for what’s meant to be sacred
The identity that I was told how to wear
The words I was taught to say
Those I was forced to stay away from
The parts of myself that I was permitted to explore
Those that I was forbidden to even entertain the thought of
The “honor” that I was taught to preserve
The shame I was to befriend as a longstanding frien-enemy
It was planted so close to me so that I was guaranteed to remember its gruesome smell at all times
The voice that was programmed to never stop playing in the background, in constant assessment of society’s perception & God’s approval whom they aloofly painted as a petty monster.
As I wrote a few words on the sacredness that is woman, I quickly remembered the sweat blood & tears offered in ode of her liberation, that continue to form my greatest honor today; My healing and the healing of women in my lineage.
The death within the death within the death of who I need not be, into the dawn of birthing a sense of self that is defined by the values that I deem noble.
I have been getting to know who she desires to be underneath all of that noise, constriction, and violence; and oh what a privilege it is to not only deepen this practice of self-inquiry, but to be the cycle- interruptor too.
I still notice myself secretly hoping for their approval, except now I have a home within myself to return to with a clear compass.
I offer these raw words for the women striving to make their voices heard in a society that’s devoted to silencing them, in full acknowledgment of the privilege that I practice in a country where my safety is no longer threatened as a price for expressing my truth.
“There will always be someone who suffers more than you. But does the sky need a reason to weep? We are after all, made of the same air, moon, and stars”
Pavana reddy
Here’s to generational healing and the liberation of what was always meant to be free- the sacred feminine.
Love,
Sarah