The Healing Power of Play | Los Angeles Child Therapist

03/27/2024

Never in the history of dysregulation has saying, "Calm down" resulted in achieving a state of regulation. And there's good reason for that!

The vagus nerve is a main component of your parasympathetic nervous system and it's job is to help the body create healthy homeostasis (including communication, safety and connection, digestion, and survival responses).

I like to describe the vagus like an interstate highway, where most of the traffic is traveling north. 80% of the information communicated through this cranial nerve runs from the body to the brain, leaving only 20% to move from the brain down to the body.

It's *this* reason why regulation must first be experienced in the body--a genuinely felt sense! Feeling regulated enough to think clearly begins in the body, rather than the other way around. This process explains why we can't reason our way out of distress. Rationality alone simply can't disrupt activation.

This probably won't surprise you if you've tried to convince someone else to calm down or if someone has told you something similar. But it's good to have this visual reminder the next time you're seeking regulation--focus on resetting the body and the brain will follow.

03/05/2022

Love this. It can give parents space to forgive ourselves for all that is hard in the atomized way we live.

Mammals are born less prepared for independent survival and examples of parental caregiving behavior are common in a variety of species. The survival of our kind relies solely on the responsive nature of our relationships.

This is a HUGE responsibility and it can be extremely overwhelming! One of the things that makes it harder on us, as humans, is that we expect to meet needs perfectly and we expect to do it within a 1- or 2-parent nuclear family. I have long reminded parents that we're designed to live in larger family units and communities. To get logistical and emotional support from a variety of sources. To find opportunities for rest and balance.

You're not doing it wrong. It's just that challenging!

02/16/2022

It’s so often not what you say exactly but that stance you take under the words which is said in the parentheses in this graphic. Tell me more vs. I don’t want you to be feeling this way.

01/13/2022

The big picture - we need to be building resilience.

Brain-Body Parenting empowers parents with tools to help their children develop self-regulation skills while also encouraging parental self-care, which is crucial for parents to have the capacity to provide the essential “co-regulation” children need.

When parents shift from trying to secure compliance to supporting connection and balance in the body and mind, they unlock a deeper understanding of their child, encouraging calmer behavior, more harmonious family dynamics, and increased resilience.

12/30/2021

Kids do benefit so much from parental accountability and realness. Powerful modeling of how to be fallible as well.

12/07/2021

I’ve noticed that I am much more confident and in control of my emotions/responses on the weekend when I have not spent the majority of my day at work, away from my son. The rest of the time, especially when I’m tired or unfocused, I feel that I am poorly responding to his tantrums, demands, …...

11/29/2021

Babies are born adventurers. If we give them our full attention and a completely safe, reasonably interesting place in which they are free to move, they’re on their way. Even the youngest infant can lead us on play adventures if we watch closely and use our imagination, because long before a baby ...

11/23/2021

We all may benefit from a pause during the Holiday Season. Thank you Maggie Dent for creating this wonderful tool, the parental pause. And read about it in her blog post:
https://bit.ly/2YNipIB

09/12/2021

Upcoming on Wednesday — this looks like it will be a valuable resource helping parents keep our own regulation in challenging moments. Very well priced and trauma-informed from Robyn Gobbel - Attachment, Trauma, & Adoption

08/09/2021

Two of my most admired parenting experts together, connecting children’s self regulation with one of my other obsessions, Polyvagal Theory.

My incredible colleague and friend Mona Delahooke, Ph.D. sums up the heart of our upcoming class, Reducing Challenging Behaviors with Tools From Neuroscience:

"The distinction between mental and physical health is an artificial one. The physical condition of the body impacts thoughts and emotions, and thoughts and emotions impact the physical condition of the body."

Come learn with us! We'll cover:

- How to help children identify what they're feeling and reach out for help when they're distressed

- The role connection and attunement play in co-regulating a child

- An introduction to polyvagal theory and what is going on in an upset child's brain

- How to create a plan with your child to avoid fight, flight, and freeze reactions to stress and disappointment

And so much more! The early bird price expires tomorrow, so register now: https://susanstiffelman.com/tools-from-neuroscience-class/

08/08/2021

Does your child shut down or move toward aggression when stressed or overwhelmed? Are you concerned about your child's ability to self-regulate when they are flooded with difficult emotions? I'm teaming up with Mona Delahooke, Ph.D. to help! Our brand new master class, Reducing Challenging Behavior With Tools From Neuroscience, takes place on August 11 at 12:00 PM PT, with the replay available if you can't attend live. In this Master Class, learn how to teach your children tools for staying regulated when stressed and overwhelmed so they can avoid moving into Fight, Flight, or Freeze when flooded with challenging emotions. Children who struggle to stay regulated and balanced when stressed are often labeled, punished, judged, or marginalized. This Master Class has the potential to change lives! Register here: https://susanstiffelman.com/tools-from-neuroscience-class/