02/24/2026
There is healthy, socially shared shame and toxic or “carried” private shame. Healthy shame clearly reveals the errors of wrongdoing and guides us to self-correct. For minor infractions, we can gently laugh, and playfully remedy the situation—such as letting someone off the elevator before we rush on. But carried shame is self-punishing and has no basis in our actions.
Healthy shame can include shame over living in a civilization built on war, slavery, and other injustices. It can also include feeling out of one’s integrity through cheating or stealing. Can you feel empathic shame, and can our shared shame guide you to right action, such as making amends or reparation?
