Evie Shafner, LMFT

01/06/2026

Your partner’s love language isn’t just a preference - it’s a portal to their childhood wound.⁣
⁣
Your resistance to their love language might be your own childhood wound showing up. ⁣
⁣
The relationship is the healer. Your willingness to stretch is the medicine.⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually!

01/02/2026

Wishing you a year of compassion - especially toward yourself. Here’s to progress over perfection, small wins, and the courage to keep showing up. Happy New Year! 🎆

12/31/2025

Recovering from the ending of a relationship is usually much more difficult than we expect. No matter what our mind might be telling us about how necessary or right it might be, we can feel devastated emotionally and physically for a long time.⁣
⁣
Brain researcher Dr. Helen Fisher has studied the brain when people are experiencing a break-up. The research showed that the addiction center of the brain gets activated, with the same strength as being hooked on co***ne and the body physically hurts with physical symptoms and anxiety. ⁣
⁣
Heartache, it turns out, is actually a physical condition.⁣
⁣
Know that the extreme pain in the beginning does not mean it will always feel this way - it’s actually the signal that you are headed to something better. ⁣
⁣
As Dr. Fisher says, the opposite of love is not hate- it’s indifference. Turns out time does heal the wound. You will get there.⁣
⁣
If you or your relationship needs support, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually.

12/28/2025

Repost . Emotional integrity is the foundation of lasting love. When we’re honest about our feelings - both with ourselves and our partner - we create safety, deepen trust, and build a relationship that can weather any storm. Authentic connection starts with showing up as our true selves.
・・・
“Emotional integrity is the quality that helps you recognize and build real closeness. It means that both partners are emotionally honest, safe, and consistent. No pretending, no walking on eggshells, and no fear of being too much. It is two people showing up as their true selves, treating each other with care and respect, and being willing to grow together,” explains psychologist Jonice Webb, Ph.D. ().

Is emotional integrity present in your relationships? How can you tell? Let us know in the comments. 💭

Do you know someone who should read this? Share it with them. 👀

Click the link in our bio to read more.

12/24/2025

Wishing you all a beautiful holiday season filled with joy, rest, and celebration.🌲

12/23/2025

When we meet our person, one of the wonderful gifts is permanence - someone we can count on, the familiarity, reliability.⁣
⁣
Yet what made our beginnings exciting was the unknown. Our partner was their own person, there was mystery - creating excitement and pursuing each other.⁣
⁣
How to keep that once we’ve gotten to the familiar, the daily, the safe and committed?⁣
⁣
Keeping one’s individuality, the ability to do some things separately, is the key. Paradoxically, space creates better intimacy; we feel happier to see our partner, we bring energy in when we have our separate interests.⁣
⁣
So learning to tolerate separation, be ok within ourselves and not look to your partner to get all your attachment and love needs met is crucial.⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually!

LA Imago Relationship Therapist Evie Shafner, LMFT, with offices in LA’s Hancock Park and Westlake Village offers Imago Relationship Therapy, Imago therapy workshops as co-facilitator at LAImago, individual therapy and marriage counseling.

12/19/2025

Why aren’t we attracted to those who are safe and stable? There’s a saying that self-hatred is the core of the resistance - meaning, that somewhere in your unconscious, you don’t believe you deserve to be loved. Self-hatred can sound harsh, but what else would make us tolerate behavior we shouldn’t? ⁣
⁣
Part of why we push away the person who might be truly good for us is because we are wanting to right the wrongs of childhood. For example, if you had a cold parent as a child, when you grow up, you don’t want love from a warm hugger. You want warmth and hugs from a NON-hugger - that’s what drives us to seek that which we did not get from a reasonable facsimile to our parent. ⁣
⁣
But this can lead to a lifetime of picking the wrong person, thinking that you have to have that relationship to feel whole, loveable, or even survive. This translates to becoming addicted to another person. And addiction is not love.⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually!⁣

12/17/2025

Want to get out of a relationship rut?

Go back to being the LOVER instead of just the LOVEE.

It's not about grand gestures all the time - it's about daily awareness. Focus on how your partner can feel loved, appreciated, supported, and safe around you. When you do that consistently, the rut dissolves.

Because you become the person they want to be around the most.

If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually!

LA Imago Relationship Therapist Evie Shafner, LMFT, with offices in LA’s Hancock Park and Westlake Village offers Imago Relationship Therapy, Imago therapy workshops as co-facilitator at LAImago, individual therapy and marriage counseling.

12/13/2025

Repost . The healthiest relationships aren’t perfect—they’re intentional. Built by two people willing to show up, communicate, and work through life side by side.
・・・
A healthy relationships is where BOTH people want to work at the relationship together ❤️

12/12/2025

In the honeymoon phase, we do not feel motivated to do couples counseling. Everything seems effortless and wonderful and we are on our best behavior. It’s only when our partner becomes reactively nasty that we feel the fear and motivation to go to couples counseling.

But what’s so interesting is that we avail ourselves of coaching for everything. Want to run a marathon? Increase your social media marketing for your business? We call in experts. But, just by virtue of meeting our special someone, we seem to think we will stay happy forever.

We know that 60% of marriages end in divorce. So if you knew that a little relationship coaching while things are going smoothly could prevent years of rupture and disconnect, why wouldn’t you put the tools in your arsenal, ready to use when you need it?

If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually!

LA Imago Relationship Therapist Evie Shafner, LMFT, with offices in LA’s Hancock Park and Westlake Village offers Imago Relationship Therapy, Imago therapy workshops as co-facilitator at LAImago, individual therapy and marriage counseling.

12/10/2025

One of the things we know is that our brain is hard-wired for danger. So if, over time, your partner says hurtful, blaming, shaming words on a regular basis, you will recover much less easily each time, and you won’t forget. After a while, we just don’t recover. It’s like a form of war trauma. Low level chronic warfare destroys safety, and you will experience your partner as the enemy.⁣
⁣
So learning how to contain, listen, stay compassionate and kind, and knowing how to validate your partner - the practice of non-reactive communication - is almost a complete guarantee of ongoing closeness.⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually!

LA Imago Relationship Therapist Evie Shafner, LMFT, with offices in LA’s Hancock Park and Westlake Village offers Imago Relationship Therapy, Imago therapy workshops as co-facilitator at LAImago, individual therapy and marriage counseling.

12/05/2025

Repost ⁣
⁣
Green flags we’re not talking about enough: someone who can recognize their emotions, talk through conflict without shutting down, and actually apologizes when they’re wrong: 🚩➡️💚. Emotional intelligence hits different when you’ve experienced the opposite.⁣
⁣
・・・⁣
Emotional intelligence isn’t about never messing up. It’s about how they handle it when they do.⁣
⁣
These people don’t make you feel crazy for having feelings. They don’t punish you with silence. They don’t turn your hurt into their victimhood.⁣
⁣
If you’re with someone who does these things consistently, that’s not common. That’s someone who’s done the work.⁣
⁣
Which sign matters most to you?