Evie Shafner, LMFT

04/22/2026

There have been many studies on the effects of community, connection, and well-being on overall happiness. Everyone feels happier when they socialize, and that includes introverts. Allowing yourself to connect in the ways that work for you - connect to something you love, for example books - puts you in the flow of life. ⁣
⁣
And, although quantity of connection is one measure, the people who report the greatest sense of belonging are the ones who have deep conversations, and connect from a vulnerable place. ⁣
⁣
The people who report being the happiest have twice as many substantive conversations. Want to feel better? Go deeper, share more, ask questions, expand your ability to connect. ⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually and in person!⁣
⁣

04/18/2026

⁣
When your partner is off - quiet, irritable, distant- it’s easy to fill in the blanks with your own story. But assumptions aren’t connection.⁣
⁣
Pause. Check in. Get curious instead of defensive.⁣
⁣
“Hey, you seem a little off - want to talk about it?” goes a lot further than silently deciding what it means about you or the relationship.⁣
⁣
Source: .travel

04/17/2026

Interdependence vs. Codependency ⁣
⁣
If your self-approval depends on how your partner views you, you will continuously abandon yourself to please your partner.⁣
⁣
Overgiving in this way is a form of self-abuse. And it can feel suffocating to your partner - or leave you open to being manipulated and mistreated. Become your own source of validation and okay-ness. ⁣
⁣
Co-dependent relationships are where the expectation of attachment and emotional support is distorted. Each partner is trying to help the other not fall apart.⁣
⁣
Interdependent relationships are two self-sufficient people with a flexible dance of helping each other without trying to rescue each other.⁣
⁣
Each partner is flexible and attuned to each other’s needs while taking full responsibility for themself. ⁣
⁣
In an interdependent relationship, you understand that you and your partner have different strengths and support and appreciate those. ⁣
⁣
Instead of enmeshment, it’s two adults resting in their sense of agency and there to respond lovingly to their partner’s needs without losing themselves.⁣

04/15/2026

A boundary is simply a border, a line around us that teaches people how to respond to us. Knowing what healthy boundaries are and feeling entitled to have them is crucial to having a healthy relationship.⁣
⁣
Many of us did not grow up learning how to have healthy boundaries. Our boundaries may have been violated in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. The good news is, we can learn how to cultivate them.⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually and in person!

04/10/2026

Maybe the first and most important one is that your partner won’t always be able to meet your needs and to know that you can manage that. That you can tolerate disappointment in your partner and stay connected. ⁣
⁣
Your partner cannot be your parent, it is unrealistic to think they will do things the way you do, feel about things the way you do and that needs to be ok. ⁣
⁣
To have trust, kindness, empathy, someone who is willing to repair, can take ownership of their stuff, meets your bids for connection most of the time and when they can’t, they communicate that in a good way, those are all realistic expectations. ⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually and in person!⁣
⁣

04/10/2026

Your relationship is a mirror. ⁣
⁣
The person we’re drawn to often reflects the story we’re quietly telling ourselves about what we deserve.⁣
⁣
And until we rewrite that story, we’ll keep casting the same characters.⁣
⁣
You are worthy of a love that feels safe, reciprocal, and whole. The work isn’t just about finding the right person. It’s about becoming someone who believes they deserve one.⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually and in person!⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
Source: ⁣

04/07/2026

Communication can connect us or rupture us. I have seen time and time again that for most couples, it’s not what they are talking about but HOW they are talking to each other that creates such a divide, makes us feel that our partner is not a safe person, and makes us want to avoid them. ⁣
⁣
If you want to live in a connected relationship, become a safe person in how you talk and listen, it’s much less about outer conditions and much more, “Am I talking to you like someone I love?⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually and in person!⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣
⁣

04/06/2026

The truth is, most of us aren’t intentionally making withdrawals — we’re just running on autopilot, repeating patterns we learned long before this relationship began.⁣
⁣
But here’s what we know: you can’t keep withdrawing and expect the account not to run dry. And you don’t need grand gestures to turn it around. Small, consistent deposits made with intention are what build a relationship that feels safe, connected, and alive.⁣
⁣
The relationships that thrive aren’t perfect — they’re just committed to investing in each other, every day.⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually and in person!⁣
⁣
⁣

04/03/2026

So much of what we do in relationships is rooted in patterns we didn’t even choose - and the invitation to shift from judgment to curiosity is exactly the kind of work that is needed to have healthy conflict resolution. ⁣
⁣
Because when we get curious instead of defensive, everything changes.⁣
⁣
Source: ⁣
・・・⁣
What if we tried something different in our relationship. ⁣
⁣
I believe as relationships today, we’re fiercely needing to step out of finding ‘right or wrong.’ For many people, they have learned (from their earliest relationships) that there is a ‘right’ way and a ‘wrong’ way. ⁣
⁣
There is a different way. We can co-create our connection and next time view what is shared as INFORMATION. ⁣
⁣
Let me know what you think or leave a 🔥🔥 if you’re working on changing these tricky cycles.

04/01/2026

A safe relationship feels like exhaling. ⁣
⁣
You know you’re in an emotionally safe relationship when your nervous system relaxes around them. When you stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. When you can be vulnerable without it being used against you. When love doesn’t come with conditions. ⁣
⁣
If your relationship needs a tune-up, please visit my website at www.evieshafner.com for more information on therapy or to schedule a consultation. Now seeing clients virtually and in person!⁣
⁣
⁣

LA Imago Relationship Therapist Evie Shafner, LMFT, with offices in LA’s Hancock Park and Westlake Village offers Imago Relationship Therapy, Imago therapy workshops as co-facilitator at LAImago, individual therapy and marriage counseling.

03/29/2026

If you are a person who longs for a mature, connected relationship and find yourself with someone who can’t meet you there, don’t think you can fix them. ⁣
⁣
Of course, you can share what you are experiencing with them (in a non-harming way) and see how they respond. But unless they are someone who can see the truth about themselves, and are committed to self-recovery, there may not be a person to connect to. ⁣
⁣
This is the time for you to take a stand for yourself, so your life is filled with safe connection.⁣
⁣

LA Imago Relationship Therapist Evie Shafner, LMFT, with offices in LA’s Hancock Park and Westlake Village offers Imago Relationship Therapy, Imago therapy workshops as co-facilitator at LAImago, individual therapy and marriage counseling.

03/27/2026

This. 🙌 Some connections aren’t meant to last forever — they’re meant to change you. reminds us that growth and love aren’t always the same journey, but they’re both worth embracing. 💛