LoveAlways.DrBetsy, Los Angeles, CA (2026)

04/10/2026

If there’s ever a time to have total dependency on somebody, it’s during childhood.

As children, we had zero capabilities to survive, and had no choice but to rely on our caregivers to prioritize and cater to our every needs.

We shouldn’t have to feel bad about that.

But if we were raised by overwhelmed caregivers who dealt poorly with stress, then help and support didn’t come easy.

When our requests were met with a loud sigh, we might’ve worried about pushing past their limits
When our parents fought over money, we may have felt guilty asking for things
When they didn’t offer help freely, we might’ve assumed it was our job to figure things out

And when we did show initiative to do things on our own, we were praised for it. So we learned that being capable and independent gave us worth, and leaned into it.

Over time, we found creative ways to solve problems, and we knew a lot simply from having to do a lot.

We would go on to live this impressive, highly efficient lifestyle… and all goes well until we encounter something we don’t have the solution to.

Because we prided ourselves on being self-sufficient for so long, it became a strong part of our identity — and the idea of asking for help threatened it. As if we aren’t truly capable and are somehow cheating at life by receiving help.

Holding onto this belief holds us back from progressing because we all need a supportive community to thrive. But when we’re raised in an environment where support wasn’t given freely, we never learn to appreciate the true value of having relationships.

Imagine how things would be different if our caregivers reassured us that those loud sighs were not because we asked for too much, or despite their complaints, that they were strong enough to overcome their stressors?

Maybe then we wouldn’t have to wait until things have fallen apart, or every option exhausted to ashamedly ask for help. Maybe then, we can trust that our needs for support are valid, and we can be more intentional about selecting relationships that are supportive.

03/26/2026

Unexpected situations tend to trigger reactive or volatile reactions in emotionally immature people.

When things don’t align with their preconceived ideas of good and bad, they feel frantic and out of control.

In response, they may reject the unfamiliar information by criticizing it, blaming it, or acting out in anger against it.

Many of us were raised by caregivers… who were raised by caregivers … who were raised by caregivers who had little to no understanding of how to productively manage emotions.

Think about the parent who overreacts to their child spilling milk.

Or the authoritarian caregiver who harshly punishes their child for “talking back” and advocating for themselves.

For children, strong negative reactions from caregivers are distressing. So if showing up honestly and authentically could trigger emotional outbursts, then naturally it would feel safer not to be honest, not to be authentic.

Over time, masking truth stops being just a tool to avoid hostility, it becomes second nature in overall relationship engagement.

The child who lies about their grades to avoid getting in trouble, becomes the adult who can’t be honest to their boss about struggling at work.

Aside from losing the trust of others, dishonesty keeps others from knowing us intimately. It deprives us opportunities to exist in safe and comfortable relationships, where we feel totally free to be ourselves.

Most people who lie aren’t liars, they’re scared to be honest because at some point it wasn’t safe to be honest.

What would happen if you gave yourself a second chance by choosing honesty? Choosing connection?

What would you do differently?
Would you be more intentional about who you allow in your life?
Would you be kinder in ways you talk to yourself?

03/04/2026

How skilled we are at something is relevant to how much exposure and practice we have in it.

Through experience we trial, we error and learn valuable lessons that help us grow.

But errors can be difficult to navigate when things are not seemingly going well.

Even more difficult if we were raised by caregivers with unrealistic expectations and struggled to accept less than perfect from us.

These caregivers might’ve tried to criticize or shame our “imperfections” out of existence because our struggles felt personal to them — as if they represented their own failures as a parent.

But we don’t have to own their shame in the way they probably took on their parent’s.

We know that progress is rarely linear.
We can use our mistakes as learning lessons.
We can find strength in overcoming struggles.

No matter where we are in life, how many skills we’ve acquired … leveling up takes courage.⁣
⁣⁣
⁣We’ll need to step out of familiarity, and be prepared to re-encounter the discomfort of integrating new information with what we’ve already mastered.
⁣⁣
⁣We can expect to feel discouraged, maybe even embarrassed when we make mistakes, and still be willing to be a work in progress because in life, we never 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝 learning.⁣
⁣⁣
⁣But at the same time, we can remember that while we are students, we’re not novices.⁣

What’s already part of us are internalized knowledge and wisdom gained along the journey to this moment. Trust that that is enough to help navigate the challenges of getting to the next level.

02/26/2026

Tiger parenting is a form of authoritarian parenting common in Asian upbringings where elders, by default, are to be held at high regard by younger generations with unquestioned respect and obedience.

Children are rewarded for being “good”, which usually looks like making life easy for adults in their lives. Anything outside of adult expectations would typically result in some degree of criticism or punishment.

For young children, criticism and harsh punishment feel like rejection, and they learn to adapt to adult expectations by hiding their “unacceptable” parts, and over-performing the “acceptable” ones. Over time, these habits become maladaptive tools they generally use to navigate life.

For example, if a child were constantly shamed for making mistakes, they might grow up to overthink problems until ideal solutions surface in order to avoid being shamed for making mistakes.

There are benefits for children raised under similar parenting styles. They often have great work ethics that lead to job security and are quite capable of maintaining a stable lifestyle. However stable though, it’s rarely fulfilling due to a rigid set of standards they need to live under.

If this resonates with you, healing might look like learning to accept and reparent the previously rejected parts of you, so that you can show up comfortably and authentically. You might be challenged to step outside of the safe path laid out for you, and learn to trust yourself to make good decisions in your own best interests — even if you make a mistakes along the way.

Oftentimes, doing this work will help you mend your adult relationship with your early caregivers by detaching from their misguided expectations, and help you show up more intentionally as a parent to your own children.

02/19/2026

Had the pleasure of joining in a conversation about Valentine’s Day and whether we place too much value and expectation on
how the day should be celebrated.

I know we’re 5 days past the holiday now, so why are we still talking about Valentine’s Day? Well this fact is actually right on brand with the topic of our discussion.

Don’t get me wrong — I like Valentine’s Day a lot. I remember school parties where we’d get to make little mailboxes and give/receive Valentines to our little classmates. It was one of my favorite holidays… but now as adults, we don’t always need to give into all the commercializing to show love, nor do we need to wait for a special day to acknowledge it.

Shane wanted to know, as a relationship specialist, what I thought couples can do to nurture their relationship — whether on a special holiday or not.

What did I name as one of the simplest ways to enhance a relationship? Appreciation. Listen to the 10 minute segment to learn ways to integrate more appreciation in your relationship on , or link in bio

02/18/2026

When clients come to me, rather than try to “fix” the parts of them that they’ve rejected, I teach them to accept and find ways to live with them. This doesn’t always mean they’ll eventually learn to covet every single part of them, it just means they can be comfortable in their own skin by letting those parts exist without hiding or getting rid of them.

We learn to reject parts of ourselves because during some earlier, more formative time in our lives, we received messages about those parts of us that made us feel bad. So for me, “good hair” has always been characterized to be stick straight and silky that can be air dried, and because that’s not my hair, I was always doing whatever I could to achieve that look — never once did I wonder about how I can work with my waves, or trying to understand the mechanics behind my problem areas. I just chalked it up to, “I just wasn’t born with good hair.”

This isn’t going to be my forever haircut, but at least letting my hair do its thing without over-styling is an option now where it never was before.

Now I wanna hear from you. What’s a part of you that you consciously work to hide/get rid of?
Now just imagine for a second, what do you need in order to feel safe to live with it out in the open?

12/09/2025

Cuffing season is among us. Any idea what that is?

It’s that internal motivation to cozy up to somebody special during the holidays — particularly referring to singles who may want to seek out a non-comital relationship with somebody just to pass the holiday season.

Can you relate?

If you have the urge to find a snuggle buddy, check out this article on where they talk to several relationship experts and ask all the burning questions about this phenomenon — from advice on how to find a cuffing partner to how to navigate the situationship.

Full article link here: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a69264781/what-is-cuffing-season/

12/04/2025

There is no universal standard for what a healthy relationship looks or feels like — it’s measured by how you and your partner feel in it.

Thank you for having me on your talk show to chat all about finding that “sweet spot” in a healthy relationship, getting back on track after a relationship crisis, and how our childhoods impact what we expect from our adult relationships. Though brief, this interview is one of my favorites.

Listen to the full episode here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/saving-your-relationship-is-it-healthy-or-just-familiar/id1756318756?i=1000738618939

12/01/2025

When I was growing up, the rule of thumb was always 3 days — 3 days to call after you get somebody’s digits, 3 days after a date to ask them out again… the whole point was to play hard to get so that the other person views you as high value.

Thankfully those tactics are mostly behind us … in today’s dating world, mind games are out and authenticity is in.

So if that’s the case, do we all just plunge head first, un-healed parts and all, into a relationship with everyone we think we have a connection with?

Well, not quite..

I talked to AskMen.com about the newer and improved ways to navigate the second date.

See the full article here:

https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating-advice/how-long-should-you-wait-before-asking-for-a-second-date.html

08/26/2025

… because when we love somebody, we’re internally motivated to desire a lasting relationship with them.

But wanting a good relationship is not the same as having a good relationship with somebody.

Relationships can be messy. They bring up deep intimacy wounds and they challenge our perspectives and personal values.

If during childhood, we never learned to manage our emotions and to properly navigate interpersonal disagreements, then as adults we’re likely to act out our struggles in ways that don’t feel like love to our loved ones.

This might look like yelling, stonewalling, threatening, controlling behaviors when feelings are unacknowledged and needs unmet.

Having a good relationship means that …
… we hold ourselves accountable to change the habits we know are hurtful to our partners.
… we strive to understand our partners, and insist on the fact that their feelings, needs and perspectives are reasonable and valid.
… we push through our frustrations with communication because we know that articulation improves with practice.
… we strong arm our egos to initiate repair after big fights.
… we set our partners up for success by directly vocalizing our feelings and needs.

These are just a few of the many skills that you can learn in my Couple Skills Workbook. Mark your calendars because the audiobook version is on sale at a deep 75% discount until 9/5/25. Link in bio above.

08/24/2025

🎉 One year ago the audiobook version of my book, The Couple Skills Workbook, was released! To commemorate this milestone, is offering it at 75% off! In it you’ll learn about how your childhood unmet needs could impact how you show up in your adult relationships, and develop skills to relate healthier to your partner. Get the deal before it ends 9/5/25! Link in bio!

06/02/2025

Not every predicament has an imminent deadline.

Uncertainty can be stressful, so in the face of difficulty, we may feel the pressure to find solutions or make quick decisions.

We often forget that in most circumstances, a third option exists; we can give ourselves the time we need to process our options or wait until a solution becomes slightly clearer.

Can you learn to cope with feelings of uncertainty so that you can give yourself more time to think?

LoveAlways.DrBetsy

04/10/2026

03/26/2026

03/04/2026

02/26/2026

02/19/2026

02/18/2026

12/09/2025

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06/02/2025

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