04/21/2025
People-pleasers often grew up around emotionally volatile caregivers, and learned that the best way to predictably preserve relationships is to 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 keep others happy.
Though effective at maintaining interpersonal peace, the level of vigilance it takes to manage other’s moods can be painfully exhausting and keeps us from speaking up in our own best interests.
To regain control over their own lives, people-pleasers need to learn their personal limits and develop language to communicate them.
But the act of limit setting can be very destabilizing for a people-pleaser early in their recovery because placing boundaries where there previously were none 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 affect existing relationships, temporarily, or even permanently. That can be a scary for somebody who’s used to controlling their relationships through self-abandonment.
But remember, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙖𝙡 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚.
We 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 people to be more cognizant of their behaviors around us.
We 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 people to feel bad when they’ve hurt us so they’ll know not to do it anymore.
We 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 people to consider other resources instead of over-depending on us.
Things may need to get uncomfortable before they get better, and we should be careful not to assume that maintaining peace at all costs is the healthiest way to be in a relationship.
The truth is, once you start speaking up for yourself, you may lose some relationships. But over time, you’re left with a social network of only safe people that respects you.
