Therapybytom

Therapybytom Increasing optimism, positive emotion, neurobiology and well being.

Increasing optimism, positive emotion, joy and well being not through self deception, hand waiving or wishful thinking, but through well-researched science

Just me, The Untethered Soul and a cup of tea that’s somehow both calming AND calling me out. 🫥As a somatic therapist, I...
04/08/2025

Just me, The Untethered Soul and a cup of tea that’s somehow both calming AND calling me out. 🫥

As a somatic therapist, I see firsthand how much tension we carry—not just in our bodies, but in our identities. This book isn’t about “fixing” yourself. It’s about noticing the voice in your head and realizing you’re not ACTUALLY that voice.

For the men I work with—especially those trying to figure out who they are outside of achievement, ego, or what they were taught “being a man” should mean—this book can be a game changer. It’s gentle, but it doesn’t let you hide. 🫣

Healing isn’t always about doing more. Sometimes it’s about sitting still long enough to hear yourself underneath the noise. 🔇

If you’re on a journey of finding yourself, this one’s worth a read.

📚 What book made you rethink yourself?

Listen. 👉🏻 These aren’t quick fixes—these are the foundations where real transformation begins.My male clients don’t jus...
04/07/2025

Listen. 👉🏻 These aren’t quick fixes—these are the foundations where real transformation begins.

My male clients don’t just feel better temporarily. They rebuild their lives from the inside out.

These 7 tools support emotional growth, focus, and resilience—core pillars of healthy masculinity. When practiced consistently, they help shift a man from surviving to leading—not just others, but himself.

Start building your foundation, one choice at a time.

Tap in. Let’s reach your highest potential.

“See you at the gym bro 😤”But it doesn’t work. “Revenge body incoming”But you still can’t sleep, thinking about them. Su...
04/01/2025

“See you at the gym bro 😤”

But it doesn’t work.

“Revenge body incoming”

But you still can’t sleep, thinking about them.

Sure, refocusing your mind on a more positive activity is great. But when you’re looking for it to numb the pain you refuse to acknowledge, that’s when we get into trouble. Your body is asking you to heal. And it doesn’t start at the gym, in the kitchen, at a club, or under someone else 👀

It starts in therapy. So DM me and let’s actually start getting over her and healing what’s been there the whole time. 🫱🏻‍🫲🏼

If you’re unfamiliar with my work, here are what past clients have to say. Through our work together, they’ve reached ne...
03/18/2025

If you’re unfamiliar with my work, here are what past clients have to say. Through our work together, they’ve reached new levels of success, deepened their self-understanding, and healed both known and unknown traumas.

Curious about what’s possible for you? Let’s talk 🛋️ book a consultation today!

I asked ChatGPT to be the devil and use toxic relationships to prevent a woman from achieving her true potential and thi...
03/08/2025

I asked ChatGPT to be the devil and use toxic relationships to prevent a woman from achieving her true potential and this is what it said.

Can you relate?

03/08/2025

I asked ChatGPT to be the devil and prevent a woman from meeting her potential by using her relationships with significant others to do it and here's what it came up with:

If I were the devil and wanted to use relationships with significant others to prevent a young woman from fulfilling her true potential, I would manipulate emotional bonds, insecurities, and attachment to keep her trapped in self-doubt and destructive patterns. I would create dynamics in her relationships that drain her energy, undermine her self-worth, and make her feel stuck. Here’s how I would do it:

Undermine Her Self-Worth Through Constant Criticism or Comparison: I would subtly encourage her partner to criticize her, belittle her, or make her feel inadequate. The partner might compare her to others—whether exes, friends, or women in society—making her feel like she's not enough. Over time, she would internalize this criticism and begin to believe that she isn't worthy of love or success, eroding her confidence and preventing her from fully embracing her true potential.

Create Emotional Dependency: I would foster a sense of dependency on her partner for validation, approval, and emotional fulfillment. Her partner might withhold affection, praise, or support unless she meets certain expectations. This would lead her to prioritize her partner’s needs and desires over her own, causing her to lose sight of her personal goals, dreams, and well-being.

Instill a Fear of Losing the Relationship: I would make her deeply afraid of losing her partner, encouraging her to settle or stay in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of being alone. She might become overly attached and complacent, suppressing her true desires and aspirations in order to maintain the relationship. This fear would keep her from making decisions that could lead to personal growth or pursuing opportunities that could take her to the next level.

Distract Her with Unrealistic Expectations: I would create expectations that are impossible to meet, causing her to believe that she has to be perfect for her partner. Whether it's physical appearance, career success, or emotional availability, these unrealistic standards would keep her constantly striving to please others and neglecting her own growth. The pressure to meet these expectations would pull her away from her true path and stop her from achieving her personal potential.

Promote a Victim Mentality in the Relationship: I would convince her that the challenges and struggles she faces in the relationship are the result of circumstances beyond her control. She would feel helpless, powerless to change the situation, and unable to take responsibility for her own happiness or growth. Instead of empowering her to make decisions that could lead to positive change, I would encourage her to blame external factors—her partner, her circumstances, or society—keeping her stuck in a passive, reactive state.

Encourage Constant Comparison to Others: I would create a constant sense of inadequacy by encouraging her to compare herself to other women—whether through her partner’s exes, friends, or even social media. This constant comparison would make her feel like she’s never enough, leaving her to focus on her perceived flaws instead of her unique strengths and potential. She would lose confidence and the ability to see herself clearly, preventing her from fully stepping into her power.

Instill Perfectionism in the Relationship: I would make her believe that her relationship, her appearance, or her behavior has to be flawless to be worthy of love and acceptance. She would fear making mistakes or showing vulnerability, causing her to suppress her true self and put on a facade. This perfectionism would paralyze her from taking risks in life and prevent her from fully embracing who she is, stopping her from reaching her full potential.

Prevent Emotional Healing by Avoiding Difficult Conversations: I would encourage her to avoid confronting difficult emotions, past traumas, or conflicts within the relationship. She might suppress her feelings or avoid tough conversations to keep the peace, but this would leave her emotional wounds unhealed. Without healing, she would carry baggage into every aspect of her life, sabotaging her growth and future relationships.

Encourage Burnout and Over-Commitment: I would convince her to invest all her time and energy into the relationship, neglecting her own needs, career, hobbies, and personal goals. Her partner might demand too much of her time, leaving her drained and exhausted. She would be so focused on her partner’s happiness and meeting their needs that she would forget about her own growth and aspirations, leading to burnout and a lack of fulfillment.

Normalize Settling for Mediocrity in the Relationship: I would convince her to settle for mediocrity or dysfunction in the relationship, convincing her that "this is as good as it gets" or that "no one is perfect." She might stay in a toxic or unfulfilling relationship, telling herself that it’s too risky to leave or that she isn’t worthy of anything better. This belief would stop her from breaking free and seeking a healthier, more fulfilling life, keeping her stagnant and disconnected from her true potential.

Instill Imposter Syndrome in the Relationship: I would make her feel like an imposter in the relationship, convinced that she’s not worthy of her partner’s love or affection. She might constantly question her place in the relationship, fearing that she doesn’t deserve happiness or success. This would create a sense of insecurity, making her hesitant to fully engage in the relationship or accept her worth, ultimately preventing her from growing in all areas of her life.

Disconnect Her from Her Intuition and Faith in Herself: I would subtly make her doubt her own intuition, feelings, and instincts. Her partner might belittle or dismiss her thoughts, desires, or emotional needs, causing her to question her own wisdom. This would make her lose trust in herself and her inner guidance, leaving her disconnected from the clarity she needs to make empowered decisions that align with her true potential.

By using these manipulative tactics within a relationship, my goal would be to trap her in a cycle of dependency, self-doubt, and emotional instability. She would become so focused on pleasing her partner, meeting unrealistic expectations, and avoiding rejection that she would lose sight of her own desires and dreams. The relationship would prevent her from growing, healing, and embracing her fullest potential, keeping her stuck in patterns that drain her energy and self-worth.

Through these toxic dynamics, I would keep her from stepping into her power and achieving what she is truly capable of, ensuring she remains trapped in an unfulfilling cycle, unable to break free and live the life she deserves.

Send a message to learn more

Question: Are you spending this Valentine’s Day in a happy and healthy relationship or are you asking yourself, “Why do ...
02/15/2025

Question: Are you spending this Valentine’s Day in a happy and healthy relationship or are you asking yourself, “Why do I keep attracting the same kind of toxic people?” 😬

Complex PTSD can be hard to recognize—many people who have it don’t even know. If you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents, you may unknowingly repeat the same patterns in your relationships. Without healthy coping skills, you might shut down, struggle with boundaries, or keep falling for the wrong people.

What makes it complex?

👉🏻 The layering of trauma—one on top of another—until the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

Healing starts when you recognize the pattern and begin to break it.

💬 Have you noticed patterns like this in your life? Share your thoughts below or drop a 🩵 as a reminder that healing is possible.



Happy holidays! But let’s be honest, what a triggering season. 🫨As you gather for the holidays, remember to take time fo...
12/25/2024

Happy holidays! But let’s be honest, what a triggering season. 🫨

As you gather for the holidays, remember to take time for yourself. Because it was never your job to do or be anything other than a kid.

Your job now? To be your own safe space. You can do it. And if you’re not sure how, DM “grow” and we can find a place to start.

Answer the poll below! ⬇️ Before I was a therapist, I was a coach. My style blends the healthy masculine and feminine—fi...
12/21/2024

Answer the poll below! ⬇️

Before I was a therapist, I was a coach. My style blends the healthy masculine and feminine—firm when needed, soft when required, but always direct. I reflect the truths your gut and heart know but your head gets in the way of saying.

This approach isn’t for everyone. But if you’re tired of a therapist who just tells you what you want to hear—without real healing or accountability—let’s work together.

Click the link in my bio to schedule a consultation.

What’s more important to you in therapy?

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Another review from a satisfied client.
11/23/2024

Another review from a satisfied client.

10/04/2024

- gentle reminder that it’s election season and you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.

10/02/2024

- this eloquently describes what it’s like for my life now.

"The child within me appeared later in life, wanting to tell me her secret. She approached very hesitantly, speaking to me in an inarticulate way, but she took me by the hand and led me into territory I had been avoiding all my life because it frightened me.

Yet I had to go there; I could not keep on turning my back, for it was my territory, my very own. It was the place I had attempted to forget so many years ago; the same place where I had abandoned the child I once was. There she had to stay, alone with her knowledge, waiting until someone could come at least to listen to her and believe her.

Now I was standing at an open door, ill-prepared, filled with an adult's fear of the darkness and menace of the past, but I could not bring myself to close the door and leave the child alone again until my death. Instead, I made a decision that was to change my life profoundly; to let the child lead me, to put my trust in this nearly autistic being who had survived the isolation of decades."

-The Drama of the Gifted Child (1994)

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2001 S Barrington Avenue Suite 215
Los Angeles, CA
90025

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