Gay Therapy La - Ken Howard, LCSW - Psychotherapy and Coaching for Gay Men

Gay Therapy La - Ken Howard, LCSW - Psychotherapy and Coaching for Gay Men Licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified S*x Therapist, and life/relationship coach specializing i from 2012-2021.

Ken Howard, LCSW, CST is a licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified S*x Therapist, and life/business/relationship coach, specializing in gay men -- individuals and couples -- with over 29 years experience. He was also an Adjunct Associate Professor with the USC Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work, teaching courses in advanced Clinical Practice in psychotherapy, Couples Therapy, and LGBT Issues. He is available for in-person and online counseling/psychotherapy sessions in West Hollywood, national and international coaching, phone appointments, we**am appointments, speaking engagements, and organizational consulting.

12/05/2025

Here are 3 reasons many gay men shut down emotionally, and none of them mean you’re broken:

1. Vulnerability was punished growing up.
Showing emotion once came with rejection, shame, or danger. Your body remembers that.

2. You learned to stay small to stay safe.
Silencing your needs wasn’t a weakness. It was survival.

3. Conflict once meant danger, not connection.
When disagreement used to feel unsafe, your nervous system still braces for impact.

Shutting down is self-protection, not indifference, and it can soften with safety and support.

GayTherapyLA.com

12/03/2025

Here are 5 subtle signs of internalized homophobia many gay men don’t realize they’re carrying:

1. You hold yourself to standards you’d never expect from others.
2. You feel ‘too much’ or ‘not enough’ in gay spaces.
3. You apologize for your needs.
4. You downplay your identity to stay safe.
5. You shrink when you should be seen.

These aren’t flaws — they’re old wounds shaped by fear, shame, or past environments.
With understanding and support, they can heal.

GayTherapyLA.com

12/02/2025

Avoiding conflict doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It often means your body remembers what it once took to stay safe... staying quiet, staying small, and staying out of the way.

For many gay men, conflict carried real emotional consequences growing up. So your nervous system learned that silence was protection, not passivity.

But real intimacy isn’t built on perfection or avoidance.
It’s built on repair, the ability to address difficult feelings with steadiness, clarity, and respect.

Conflict can become safer when it’s paced, regulated, and grounded in mutual understanding. Connection grows when honesty doesn’t threaten the relationship, but strengthens it.

Which part of conflict feels most overwhelming for you?
GayTherapyLA.com

Conflict is a normal part of life, but not every disagreement deserves your energy. Many gay men have learned to stay on...
12/01/2025

Conflict is a normal part of life, but not every disagreement deserves your energy. Many gay men have learned to stay on alert — to protect ourselves, defend our boundaries, or brace for judgment. That history can make even small conflicts feel bigger, sharper, or more personal.

The real skill is knowing which situations need a firm boundary and which ones are simply draining your time, mood, or emotional bandwidth. When you understand your triggers and learn to regulate in the moment, you can respond in ways that protect your well-being instead of escalating the tension.

In this week’s blog, I break down 10 practical strategies to help you navigate conflict with clarity, confidence, and emotional steadiness.

Read the full article here:
https://gaytherapyla.com/10-ways-for-gay-men-to-handle-conflict/

Watch the full video: https://youtu.be/ZsrK0Te9kuM?si=oeLphFRZYLvZeqbt

For educational purposes only.

11/28/2025

What many gay men discover is that the gym becomes a training ground for life outside of it. The same habits that build physical strength often support emotional strength: showing up even when you don’t feel like it, staying present, and pushing through moments that feel challenging but meaningful.

When you learn to approach your well-being with consistency and curiosity instead of pressure or comparison, you create a kind of long-term resilience that benefits every area of your life.

What has the gym taught you about yourself?

11/27/2025

Thanksgiving can bring up a lot… family, expectations, memories, even stress.
But one practice consistently helps gay men feel better, faster: gratitude.
Not a comparison. Not perfection. Just pausing to notice what’s good, what’s present, and what’s meaningful.

Gratitude strengthens self-efficacy, builds emotional resilience, and reminds us that we have agency in how we respond to life.

💛 A small gratitude practice can make a big difference.

Watch the full episode:
https://youtu.be/aD-b4r0M6y0?si=ainr8YSG7bbKJe_Z

Apple : https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-28-gay-men-at-thanksgiving-living-in-gratitude/id1450860786?i=1000457943688

Blog: https://gaytherapyla.com/gay-men-at-thanksgiving-gratitude-history-community/

11/26/2025

People-pleasing isn’t kindness, it’s protection.
For many gay men, staying agreeable was safer than being honest. That’s the nervous system doing what it needed to do.

These patterns can be understood and slowly unlearned with clarity and support.

GayTherapyLA.com

People-pleasing isn’t a personality trait, it’s a survival strategy many gay men learned long before adulthood. When saf...
11/25/2025

People-pleasing isn’t a personality trait, it’s a survival strategy many gay men learned long before adulthood. When safety depended on being agreeable or “easy,” the nervous system adapted by smoothing tension, avoiding conflict, and staying likable at any cost.

The problem is that fawning feels protective, even when it’s exhausting. It keeps the peace, but it also keeps you small.

Understanding where this pattern comes from is the first step toward changing it. With the right support, you can begin to honor your needs, set limits without fear, and build relationships where you don’t have to earn your place.

For educational purposes only.
If you’d like structured support exploring these patterns:
Therapy is available for clients in California at GayTherapyLA.com
Coaching is available worldwide at GayCoachingLA.com

Every relationship between gay men brings together different histories, values, and emotional languages. Those differenc...
11/24/2025

Every relationship between gay men brings together different histories, values, and emotional languages. Those differences aren’t obstacles, they’re opportunities for deeper understanding.

What matters isn’t whether you grew up with the same culture.
What matters is how willing you are to understand how your partner learned to love, communicate, and navigate conflict.

If cultural differences feel confusing, start with small steps:
• Ask open questions instead of assuming intent
• Notice each other’s “emotional language”
• Talk about values before solving problems
• Keep what matters to you, don’t disappear to keep the peace
• Let your differences expand the relationship, not limit it

Gay relationships thrive when curiosity leads the way, not stereotypes or guessing.

If you want support navigating cultural differences in dating or long-term relationships, therapy (California only) and coaching (US/worldwide) can help build clarity, confidence, and connection.

Watch the full video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/r37LlJGkCHg?si=2EFHd16n9LsWPpWm

11/21/2025

Wicked has always been political — but in 2025, its message hits harder than ever.

In his newest blog, Ken Howard, LCSW, CST explores how Wicked: For Good mirrors what many LGBTQ+ people are feeling right now: the pressure to stay quiet, stay compliant, and stay “acceptable” in a country where our rights are once again under threat.

Just like Elphaba, gay men today are navigating a world where truth-telling is punished, visibility is questioned, and silence is demanded. And yet, resilience is still possible — through community, courage, and refusing to disappear.

If you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or politically exhausted, this piece offers context, grounding, and a reminder that resistance is not just activism — it’s mental health.

🔗 Read the full piece at GayTherapyLA.com:
https://buff.ly/Gjl5W4s

Real connection can’t grow with someone who isn’t emotionally available.When you stop investing in potential and start v...
11/21/2025

Real connection can’t grow with someone who isn’t emotionally available.
When you stop investing in potential and start valuing presence, everything shifts.

Letting go of fantasy isn’t loss, it’s self-respect.
That’s where real healing begins.

Watch more insights on my YouTube channel:
youtube.com/

In Wicked: For Good, Elphaba is called “wicked” for daring to speak the truth — and that’s never felt more familiar.In h...
11/20/2025

In Wicked: For Good, Elphaba is called “wicked” for daring to speak the truth — and that’s never felt more familiar.

In his newest blog, Ken Howard, LCSW, CST connects the story of Wicked to what’s unfolding in America today: the silencing of q***r voices, the rise of propaganda over truth, and the mental health toll of living through another wave of fear and regression.

This isn’t the time to be quiet. It’s the time to stay loud, stay visible, and stay resilient — for good.

🔗 Read the full piece at GayTherapyLA.com: https://buff.ly/Gjl5W4s

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Ken Howard, LCSW, is a gay therapist (Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW #LCS18290 in California) who has been a specialist in serving gay men and gay male couples in therapy and life/career/business coaching for over 27 years. He is also on the faculty of the Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work at USC, teaching courses in advanced Clinical Practice in psychotherapy, Couples Therapy, and LGBT Psycho-Social-Political Issues. He is available for in-person counseling/psychotherapy sessions at his office in Los Angeles/West Hollywood (near San Vicente and Sixth), coaching, and phone/we**am sessions anywhere in the United States and all over the world, as well as being available for speaking engagements, corporate training, and organizational consulting.