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Gay Therapy La - Ken Howard, LCSW - Psychotherapy and Coaching for Gay Men

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Gay Therapy La - Ken Howard, LCSW - Psychotherapy and Coaching for Gay Men

Licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified S*x Therapist, and life/relationship coach specializing i from 2012-2021.

Ken Howard, LCSW, CST is a licensed psychotherapist, AASECT Certified S*x Therapist, and life/business/relationship coach, specializing in gay men -- individuals and couples -- with over 29 years experience. He was also an Adjunct Associate Professor with the USC Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work, teaching courses in advanced Clinical Practice in psychotherapy, Couples Therapy, and LGBT Issues. He is available for in-person and online counseling/psychotherapy sessions in West Hollywood, national and international coaching, phone appointments, we**am appointments, speaking engagements, and organizational consulting.

03/05/2026

Depression shows up in many different ways for gay men.

Sometimes it’s sadness or lack of motivation. Sometimes it’s irritability, isolation, or the quiet feeling that the future has somehow narrowed. And because many of us grew up managing stigma, rejection, or pressure to hide who we are, depression can become tangled with deeper issues of self-worth and belonging.

On the Gay Therapy LA blog, I talk through four major approaches that can help gay men struggling with depression: therapy techniques like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, consultation with psychiatrists about medication, medical factors like testosterone levels, and newer treatments such as TMS or ketamine-assisted therapy.

The message I want men to hear is simple: depression is treatable, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Often the most powerful step is allowing someone to help you carry it.

You can read the article through the Linktree in my bio. If this topic resonates with your own experience, I invite you to reach out and start conversation.

03/02/2026

I’m excited to be contributing to again. They are featuring my article, “Attention, S*x + Status: How Toxic Gay Currencies Sabotage Well-Being.”

For over three decades, I’ve watched how many of our struggles as gay men cluster around what I call “toxic currencies” — attention, s*x, money, status, drama, revenge, jealousy. These can feel powerful in the short term. But over time, they often leave us anxious, competitive, and disconnected from what truly sustains us.

In this piece, I unpack why these currencies are so seductive — especially after a lifetime of minority stress — and what healthier currencies actually look like: self-respect, s*xual empowerment, emotional maturity, authentic connection, peace of mind.

If you’ve ever felt caught in comparison, status-chasing, or the pressure to perform your worth, this conversation is for you.

You can read the full feature through the Linktree in my bio. I’m grateful to Instinct for amplifying this work — and I welcome your reflections on what “currency” you’re choosing to invest in these days.

02/27/2026

If you’ve ever been told you’re a “s//x addict” simply because your s//xuality doesn’t fit someone else’s comfort zone, this episode is for you.

In my article on GayTherapyLA.com, I take a careful, clinical look at the CSAT “s//x addiction” model — where it came from, why it was never adopted as a legitimate psychiatric diagnosis, and how it can harm gay men by reinforcing shame, moral judgment, and heteronormative ideals.

I also discuss what we should be using instead: s//x-positive, evidence-informed frameworks like the OCSB model and the Six Principles of S//xual Health. These approaches focus on consent, values, emotional regulation, and integration — not surveillance, punishment, or forced abstinence.

Gay men deserve therapy that supports autonomy and dignity, not control disguised as treatment.

You can read the article and listen to the related podcast episode through the Linktree in my bio. If this topic raises questions or resonates with your experience, I encourage you to reach out and start a conversation.

02/26/2026

If you’re in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, you know how disorienting it can feel.

One moment you were emotionally anchored. The next, the relationship ends — but your body, your home, your nervous system haven’t caught up. You’re expected to function, to stay composed, while internally everything feels unsettled.

I’ve just released a new Gay Therapy LA podcast episode based on my article Gay Men and Immediate Coping Tips for a Breakup. In this episode, I talk about what’s happening biologically and emotionally in the early days after loss, why your reactions may feel chaotic, and how to practice emotional first aid so you can stabilize before trying to “figure everything out.”

This isn’t about rushing past grief. It’s about creating steadiness so healing can actually begin.

You can listen to the new episode through the Linktree in my bio. If you’re going through this right now, let this be a place to start — and a reminder that what you’re feeling makes sense.

02/25/2026

Loving someone with OCD can feel confusing and tender at the same time.

You may see the handwashing, the checking, the rituals. You may also see the fear underneath it — the part of him that feels responsible for preventing something terrible from happening. Most people living with OCD know their fears don’t fully make sense. That’s part of what makes it so painful.

In this guide, I talk about what OCD really is: a brain-based condition driven by anxiety, not stubbornness or control. I also share how partners can respond with steadiness instead of shame, how to avoid accidentally reinforcing the rituals, and why treatments like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Exposure and Response Prevention are so effective.

OCD is not who your partner is. It’s something he is dealing with. And with the right support, it can become far more manageable.

You can read the full article through the Linktree in my bio. If this topic touches something in your life or relationship, feel free to reach out and start a conversation.

02/23/2026

If you’re in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, it can feel surreal: the relationship ends, but your body doesn’t get the memo. One hour you’re calm. The next you’re spinning. That emotional whiplash is not a sign you’re “doing it wrong.” It’s what attachment loss does to the nervous system.

In my new article, “Gay Men and Immediate Coping Tips for a Breakup,” I focus on emotional first aid — the stabilizing steps that help you get through the first days and weeks without making impulsive choices, collapsing into shame, or trying to “figure it all out” before your system is settled.

We talk about why ordinary triggers hit so hard, how grief shows up in waves, and what containment actually looks like when friends mean well but don’t know how to hold the intensity.

If this is bringing up recognition or questions let’s have a conversation about what might help.

Go to my Linktree (linked in bio) to start a conversation, read the full article, or listen to the podcast episode (coming soon!).

02/20/2026

A lot of gay men I work with have been telling me the same thing lately: it’s not just “the news.” It’s the feeling of being revved up inside your own body after you’ve been exposed to yet another wave of culture-war outrage.

In this guide, I name a pattern I see constantly — what I call gender role enforcement rage: the way some people (and some politicians) seem to become intensely angry when anyone steps outside rigid gender rules. And how that rage shows up everywhere: families, workplaces, schools, entertainment, religion, and politics.

I also talk about why this matters for gay men’s mental health — because living inside that kind of social climate can create chronic vigilance, shame, anger, and exhaustion. And then I share practical ways to respond: how to recognize it, speak up effectively, protect your nervous system, and stay oriented toward dignity instead of fear.

If this is bringing up recognition or questions, start with curiosity — and let’s have a conversation about what might help.

Go to my Linktree (linked in bio) to start a conversation, read the full article, or listen to the podcast.

02/19/2026

Breakups don’t just end a relationship. They disrupt your nervous system, your routines, your identity, and your sense of the future.

In my work with gay men, I see the same pattern over and over: the pain comes in waves (shock, anger, grief, relief, loneliness) — and the mind tries to “solve” it by spiraling into stories that make it worse.

In this guide, I share 21 actions that reliably help breakup recovery, including:

- how to stabilize in the first days
- how to make sense of “why” without getting stuck there
- what to do with anger, bargaining, and grief
- how to handle friends, boundaries, and social media
- how to rebuild your life without self-sabotage

If this is bringing up recognition or questions, start with curiosity — and let’s talk about what might help.

Go to my Linktree (linked in bio) to start a conversation, read the full article, or explore therapy/coaching options.

02/17/2026

Have you felt… on edge lately?

Not panicked.
Not falling apart.
Just unsettled.

Many of the gay men I work with describe a persistent background unease. The world feels louder. Harsher. Less predictable. Even if your job, home, and relationships are stable, the emotional climate has shifted.

Political instability. Repeated election cycles that feel existential. Attacks on LGBTQ+ rights. Economic strain. Constant outrage in the news cycle.

For many gay men, this doesn’t just feel political. It feels personal. The nervous system remembers earlier eras when safety felt fragile.

In this article, I explain:

• Why prolonged uncertainty exhausts the nervous system
• How collective stress differs from a single crisis
• Why reassurance doesn’t work—but containment does
• A few grounding tools that actually help

If this brings up recognition, that matters.

Start with curiosity.
Go to my Linktree (linked in bio) to read the full article or explore working together.

02/13/2026

When you say “partner”… what do you actually mean?

Gay men have a whole relationship vocabulary:
Daddy. T***k. Husband. Hookup. Paramour. F-buddy. Companion. Partner.

Some of these terms are playful. Some are empowering. Some are outdated. Some carry hidden expectations about money, age, status, power, or commitment.

But here’s the deeper question:

Do the labels that describe your relationship life match what you actually want?

I often meet men who call someone a “f-buddy” but quietly want a partner. Or men who use “partner” when what they really want is husband. Sometimes there’s alignment. Sometimes there’s a gap.

In this article, I break down what these terms often mean culturally and psychologically — and how they shape how we see ourselves.

If this brings up recognition or questions, start with curiosity.
Go to my Linktree (linked in bio) to read the full article or explore working together.

02/12/2026

Open relationships don’t fail because of s//x.
They usually fail because of ambiguity.

If you’re thinking about opening your relationship — or you already have and things feel tense, confusing, or uneven — the real work isn’t just “being open.” It’s clarifying the who, what, when, where, and why.

Who is okay — and who isn’t?
What’s allowed — and what stays just between you?
When is it appropriate?
Where are the boundaries?
Why are you doing this in the first place?

Most jealousy spirals, resentment, and shutdowns come from assumptions that were never actually negotiated.

In this article and podcast episode, I break down how to create ground rules that work in real life — not just in theory — so you can have both security and freedom.

If this brings up recognition or questions, start with curiosity.
Go to my Linktree (linked in bio) to read the full article, listen to the podcast episode, or explore working together.

02/10/2026

Performance anxiety is one of the most common—and least honestly talked about—s//xual concerns among gay men.

And for many, the hardest part isn’t the arousal itself. It’s the panic, self-monitoring, and quiet conclusions men draw about aging, desirability, or masculinity.

In this piece, I take a practical, experience-based look at what actually helps—beyond pills, injections, and pressure. That includes medical realities, anxiety and self-surveillance, relationship dynamics, aging, trauma, and the cultural stressors gay men carry into s//x.

ED isn’t a verdict. It’s information. And when we listen to it with curiosity instead of fear, real change becomes possible.

If this brings up recognition or questions, start with curiosity—and let’s have a conversation about what might help.

Go to my Linktree (linked in bio) to read the full article on this topic, listen to the podcast episode, or explore working together.
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Tuesday	9am - 7pm
Wednesday	9am - 7pm
Thursday	9am - 7pm
Friday	9am - 7pm
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Ken Howard, LCSW, is a gay therapist (Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW #LCS18290 in California) who has been a specialist in serving gay men and gay male couples in therapy and life/career/business coaching for over 27 years. He is also on the faculty of the Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work at USC, teaching courses in advanced Clinical Practice in psychotherapy, Couples Therapy, and LGBT Psycho-Social-Political Issues. He is available for in-person counseling/psychotherapy sessions at his office in Los Angeles/West Hollywood (near San Vicente and Sixth), coaching, and phone/we**am sessions anywhere in the United States and all over the world, as well as being available for speaking engagements, corporate training, and organizational consulting.