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OliveMe Counseling - Joanne B. Kim, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

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OliveMe Counseling - Joanne B. Kim, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

I help women who are EXHAUSTED by anxiety, guilt, and shame create VIBRANT relationships where SHE MATTERS, TOO! Kim, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Special focus on:
- Enneagram (1s, 2s, 4s, 9s)
- Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)

Joanne B. Joanne B. Kim is an Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist based in San Jose, CA who helps those who are exhausted by anxiety, guilt, and shame create relationships where they matter, too! Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT 110804)

11/04/2025

Check-in! What’s been a win for you lately?

(BTW wins aren’t always great and shiny things. If you managed to scrape through a hard quarter, that’s also a win.)

We’re at the tail end of the year, and there’s so much busyness to even acknowledge the ways we’ve overcome hard things this year.

Take a minute. Honor your body. You’ve been through a lot.

11/03/2025

You have your Enneagram autopilot patterns of thinking, feeling, and doing because this is what you needed to navigate times in your life when you were actually powerless, resourceless, and/or supportless.

The very cage that protected you from the scary, shifting outside world when you were younger actually restricts you and causes suffering when you grow bigger in size.

Your body grows up and your abilities expand, but your autopilot survival mode doesn't upgrade accordingly.

Hence it's really important to be gentle with yourself that your Enneagram autopilot is still on - it's trying to help you, but with outdated information.

Read more about being more gentle with yourself along with some growth ideas here:

Link in bio > Blogs > “Why Self-Judgment Doesn't Help But Actually Keeps You Stuck”

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/self-judgment

10/22/2025

I want to make posts that are actually relevant to you!

Comment below with 1 sentence about what's weighing on you.

Some examples:

🔺 My partner and I keep fighting about money.

🔺 I don't know how to deal with resentment.

🔺 How do I deal with impostor syndrome?

🔺 How do I get over procrastination?

🔺 How do I hold boundaries with a difficult boss?

10/20/2025

The Enneagram is a powerfully comprehensive yet compact resource that reveals the “autopilot” ways we experience and respond to life events.

The nine Enneagram types (named “Type 1” to “Type 9”) describe nine reactive patterns of thinking, feeling, doing, and relating. These personality types helped people navigate through life experiences, especially ones where we did indeed need coping because we were truly limited in ability, resources, and opportunity (e.g., our childhood).

As we physically grow, our autopilots don’t upgrade with us. This means that what used to help us cope can sometimes even cause problems because there is a MISMATCH between what’s actually happening and what our personalities perceive is happening.

Thus, becoming healthy involves working ourselves OUT of our reactive patterns, so that we can engage and respond to present situations for what they actually need, not just what we’re used to.

Read more about how to identify your Enneagram type here:
Link in bio > Blogs > "How Do I Find My Enneagram Type"

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/how-to-find-my-enneagram-type

10/17/2025

Don't quote me on this, but it's my observation that Enneagram 4s are typically very disconnected from their physical bodies (and overly connected to their heart first and then their head).

The body is an afterthought, except as a target of self-criticism, judgment, and shame.

I have no freakin clue what possessed me to not just sign up for a 3-week trial at the yoga studio, but also to sign up for a membership (and actually stick with it even to this day!!).

Whatever the reason, I've learned many things from being more connected with my body center of intelligence.

Read what I've learned here:

Link in bio > Blogs > "Let Your Body Show You The Way"

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/yoga

10/13/2025

The Enneagram tells us 9 different ways of seeing/responding to life that USED TO be helpful coping strategies when we were younger that NOW keep us stuck in painful situations.

Find out two growth tips for your Enneagram type here:

Link in bio > Blogs > "Growth Tips for Each Enneagram Type"

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/enneagram-growth-tips-part2

10/08/2025

The very patterns that helped us cope with difficult experiences have over time become rigid, fixed, and automatic, keeping us unconsciously trapped in painful lifestyles and relationship patterns.

Consider these “stuck points” like muscle knots you develop from poor posture or from an over-reliance on some parts of your body.

The tighter the knots, the more painful and out of alignment the rest of your body is, creating other problems and limiting all that you could do.

Unless we catch ourselves in our unconscious habits and then consciously “shift our posture,” we reinforce our knots and become more trapped and in pain.

If you are confused or frustrated from getting stuck in the same dynamics, the Enneagram can help you learn:

🔹 WHY you do what you do,

🔸 WHAT your core needs, fears, strengths, stuck spots, and blindspots are,

🔹 HOW to turn off your autopilot mode and be more responsive, not reactive,

🔸 HOW to foster new, lasting ways of being.

Learn more about the Enneagram here:

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/enneagram

10/06/2025

The great Dr. Sue Johnson said, "The natural place to heal wounds is in the arms of people who love you."

Connecting with a lot of safe people where you can take off all your masks, and you can show up as yourself, and you know you’re not going to be judged.

It’s a really important, essential factor that people need to do the healing work.

Aside from a therapist, friends, or sometimes a family member, our partners might be a huge agent of healing for us. It definitely is possible to work through these super scary experiences, and it’s so worth doing the work, and until then, it might be hard to imagine it. So until that time, your safe people—including your therapist or pastor or whoever—you may borrow the hope they have on your behalf.

It’s okay if you feel scared or unsure.

Listen to the podcast or read the transcript about moving on from trauma here: Link in bio > Blogs > "Moving on from Trauma"

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/trauma-fhl

10/03/2025

All living beings (yes, including mammals & lizards) have three gut-based instincts that (supposedly) help with survival. These instincts hang out in our lizard brain, the part that controls all automated/involuntary experiences (e.g., heart rate, body temp, pupil dilation, etc.).

There's way too much info for our brains to handle (especially when we're kids), so our brain simplifies the process by focusing in on certain themes or details (informed by our dominant instinct) and ignoring the rest (what goes with our repressed instinct).

Our dominant instinct is much like a barrel of a cannon (the HOW), directing the "firepower" of our Type (the WHY) in three specific arenas/themes:

⛑ Self-preservation (SP)
- main focus on the concrete & practical, one's own personal experience (internal)

- themes: control, predictability, safety, security, rhythm, routine, structure

- energy: withdrawn, constricted, guarded, quiet

👩🏻‍✈️ Social (SO)
- main focus on one's position vis-a-vis the group/collective (who's in/out, top/bottom, who has or lacks power, influence, status, prestige)

- themes: responsibility, roles, politics, strategy, power, influence, status

- energy: outward, strategic, calculated - depends on the group culture

💃🏻 Sexual (SX) - aka "Intimate" or "1:1"
- main focus on one's status or closeness chosen individuals (attachment figures - parents, partners, kids, best friend, or who's right in front at the moment)

- themes: attention, intensity, extremity (biggest, brightest, best, prettiest, strongest, closest), competition, rivalry, conquering

- energy: selectively outward, vivacious, expansive, boundary-breaching, creative, spontaneous

Learn more about Instincts and Subtypes and why they are important with the Enneagram here:

Link in bio > Blogs > "What are Enneagram Instincts & Subtypes?"

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/enneagram-instincts-subtypes

10/01/2025

COMPASS, not DESTINATION. 🧭

We're 3/4 through the year! This year might have turned out like NOTHING you imagined, and the beginning of the year might feel like it was eons ago.

If you set a New Year's Resolution, chances are that you broke it by now, NOT because you're a failure, but because resolutions are outcomes-oriented and motivation-driven.

You set a goal and have a burst of motivation in the beginning of the year to pursue it for a few days, a few weeks, MAYBE a few months.

But once that motivation dies out (or life throws a million things at you and you get overwhelmed), you've got no juice left to continue the race.

Then you feel like a failure and give up altogether, 'cause "What's the point of trying? This year is already a wash."

New Year's Day is just one (arbitrary) day! It's not extra magical compared to any other day of the year. Meaning, you can always reset any day.

The best day? TODAY!

Set your New Year's Intention today! Some reflection questions in the blog in stories:

Link in Bio > Blog > "What's Your New Year's Intention?"

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/intentions

09/29/2025

Brainspotting is actually what we do naturally, just not on purpose.

If you've ever seen a veteran who is back in civilian life and they're kind of sitting on a bench and they're staring off into space. That's an example of brainspotting.

The person doesn't quite know that they're internally processing, but their lizard brain is definitely trying to metabolize some stressful things. Obviously, for veterans, they've gone through a lot.

HSPs tend to do that, staring off into space a lot more often. It's just that the idea of staring off into space is not socially acceptable. It's as if someone is not engaged or disinterested or whatever.

Often when someone is sitting, staring off into space, the people around them are like, hey, are you okay?

But in actuality, the person's brain is saying, no, I just need to sit and do nothing and decompress.

What I recommend for clients who come in, they find out that they're HSP or they've known for some time, but they're wanting to know how can I de-stress as soon as possible. I would say give yourself permission to sit and zone out for at least five minutes uninterrupted.

The emphasis is on permission.

Often when we have those experiences, when we're checked out, there's a lot of judgment and shame around it. When our body's actually trying to recover, when we bring in that judgment, then that actually sets up a whole bunch of triggers that ends up adding more stress than even before we start zoning out.

Learn three ways to calm your nervous system as an HSP here:

Link in bio > Blogs > "3 Ways to Calm Your Nervous System as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)"

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/hsp-calm

09/26/2025

Did you know that I am born and raised in Berkeley? Did you know that Berkeley happens to be a historical significant spot for the Enneagram?

The Enneagram has been around for thousands of years, passed down as an oral tradition. Because of the power of the Enneagram to reveal people's innermost patterns, wise teachers wanted for this system to only be shared with those who had the emotional, psychological, and spiritual maturity to wield its wisdoms well.

Alas, Berkeley students did as Berkeley students do, in defying their teachers' instructions to NOT write down anything about the Enneagram...by writing down things about the Enneagram.

The Enneagram as we know it today is what's exploded since it's been put to paper from the 1970s and on. It's come and gone in popular waves a number of times since then, and I believe that we're in the middle of yet another one.

When some individuals, friend groups, church circles learned about this compact yet comprehensive system, they took the ball and ran with it HARD, leading to the dissemination of the Enneagram across the world. (Yes, the old teachers are turning in their graves.)

I have a love/hate relationship with the fact that the Enneagram is picking up in popularity especially through social media.

I LOVE that more people have heard about it and thus are open to learning more about it.

I HATE that the information that's being passed around is the exact OPPOSITE of what the Enneagram was meant for.

Learn how not to use the Enneagram here:

Link in bio > Blogs > “How NOT to Use the Enneagram"

https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/how-not-to-use-the-enneagram

Address

987 University Avenue, Suite 22
Los Gatos, CA
95032

Opening Hours

Monday	9am - 8pm
Tuesday	9am - 8pm
Wednesday	9am - 4pm
Thursday	9am - 8pm
Friday	9am - 6pm
Saturday	9am - 3pm

Telephone

+14087223770

Website

http://www.OliveMeCounseling.com/

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