Waking Heart Zen Place

09/17/2025

At the Zen Center of Denver in the early nineties we began the zazen instruction portion of our introductory seminar by saying, “Practicing zazen is a commitment to failure.” This would occur a few hours into a weekend seminar that included an eight-hour day on Saturday and two hours on Sunday morning, when the seminar participants joined the sangha for zazen, a chanting ceremony and a teisho, a talk presented by the teacher. It was a deep dive into beginning Zen practice.

When I went to my first seminar and heard that I was making a commitment to failure, I initially thought, “How refreshing! We are going to be learning something that we can’t do.” Then I thought, “How discouraging!” To hear this a couple of hours after entering a Zen Center for the first time. This is our introduction to Zen?”

But there are many pursuits in life which we expect to result in failure.

In strength training we calculate an amount of weight and the number of repetitions until we can lift the weight no more. We build strength through failure.

In practicing a musical instrument, the first few notes of a melody or the awkward fi*****ng of chords seems foreign and clumsy but we return and repeat the melody or chord changes over and over again until some facility begins to develop. We are always practicing at the edge of failure, whether as a beginner or an aficionado.

I once played an open mic as a solo acoustic guitarist and a young man with a stand- up bass asked if he could join me on stage. Improvisation with a musician you’re meeting for the first time either goes very well or becomes an absolute train wreck. I figured “nothing ventured, nothing gained” so we both climbed up on stage and began to play. And he immediately meshed perfectly with what I was playing, which was admirable, because he had never heard my repertoire before. He was the new kid in town. We played three or four songs together and my immediate thought was, “Band!”

When we stepped off the stage, I thanked him profusely then asked him what kind of music he enjoyed playing the most. He said, “Jazz.” I was surprised because he had immediately picked up on the contemporary acoustic folk rock I was playing. I asked, “Why jazz?” And he said, "Because I’m not very good at it.” That was one of the most encouraging things I ever heard in my life as a musician! “I love it, because I can’t do it!”

There is always a challenge drawing us back to what we love but can’t do, again and again. The human body can be stretched only so far into a yoga asana. The mind can only retain so much in a classroom hour.

Life is full of intentional failure. Anything to which we aspire becomes the practice of failure. So, if we attempt something, fail, then quit, then that’s that, it’s a done deal. But isn’t there always something left on the table when we walk away?

The most important and necessary failure that occurs in Zen practice is the failure of expectation. The desire for achievement, improvement and prowess begins to fall away and be replaced by sitting and living with things just as they are…no more, no less.

And this is the real gift of zazen: life just the way it is. What a relief! I don’t need to conform to some idea about how zazen should be, of whether I am doing it right or doing it wrong, I just need to do it. Toss the progress tracker at the door!

And what an interesting way to experience life: now my back is out of whack, now daylight and shadow create a delicate dance across the floor and wall, now I can’t keep my eyes open, now I am irritated with my spouse.

Now zazen is graceful and elegant, now it is awkward and uncomfortable, kind of like…life! It’s all the unfolding of our unique and unrepeatable being.

We can take our reluctance and resistance in hand, disappointment can straighten our cushions, joy can place each careful step in kinhin. We can admit everything. And discover our frequent unwillingness to do so. “Can’t I somehow change the channel on this pain in my knees? Hmmm, I guess not!” So, the heavy eyelids and sour stomach are just enough…a perfect fit. The way your hands fold into a lovely mudra is IT, the whole ball of wax. Your life is a perfect fit.

09/08/2025

The one that got away: I have been working for the past few weeks on renting a small space in an office park in Loveland to start a public Zen meditation studio, or "Zendo." Several people expressed an interest in the prospect of having a place to do that. So, I need to let everyone know that I will not be moving forward with the rental.

I worked through all the requirements to start a commercial rental, including liability insurance, utilities, and negotiating the lease with the landlord. I consulted with our accountant who advised speaking to our lawyer who ultimately did not like the details of the lease. He advised against signing the lease. The landlord, and his agent were not willing to modify the lease. So, no Zendo at this time. It sure was a learning experience about the reality of a small business start-up! I learned that you need to talk to the lawyer first.

I continue to have my eyes peeled for a suitable in person Zendo.

Stay tuned!

07/06/2025

soanyway, several people have asked recently about an introduction to Zen meditation and practice. I would like to begin by offering an online thirty-minute introductory session before the existing Zoom Tuesday Evening Sitting that I host weekly.
Formal meditation begins at 6:30 and ends at 8:00 PM and follows a formal structure for Zen sittings. There are three 25-minute rounds of zazen interspersed with 5-minute periods of walking meditation or kinhin and a closing ceremony.
This Tuesday I will begin at 6:00 PM with an introduction to Zen meditation postures, breathing and beginning practice.
Anyone interested in learning Zen meditation, zazen, please join the Zoom session by clicking the link below. Also find below the schedule for the formal sitting. Feel free to join the formal sitting, if you would like, after the introductory session. Please use the kinhin periods to enter or exit the formal sitting.

Zoom link for Waking Heart Tuesday Evening:
https://zoom.us/j/92831959690?pwd=lm2oFX8qqNGOkgo5wxgQeGZ4BEfYk4.1

Zoom is the leader in modern enterprise cloud communications.

07/06/2025

soanyway, several people have asked recently about an introduction to Zen meditation and practice. I would like to begin by offering an online thirty-minute introductory session before the existing Zoom Tuesday Evening Sitting that I host weekly.
Formal meditation begins at 6:30 and ends at 8:00 PM and follows a formal structure for Zen sittings. There are three 25-minute rounds of zazen interspersed with 5 minute periods of walking meditation or kinhin and a closing ceremony.
This Tuesday I will begin at 6:00 PM with an introduction to Zen meditation postures, breathing and beginning practice.
Anyone interested in learning Zen meditation, zazen, please join the Zoom session by clicking the link below. Also find below the schedule for the formal sitting. Feel free to join the formal sitting, if you would like, after the introductory session. Please use the kinhin periods to enter or exit the formal sitting.
Zoom link for Waking Heart Tuesday Evening Zazen:

Zoom is the leader in modern enterprise cloud communications.

06/04/2025

soanyway, I have a favor to ask, or an ask to make, or pretty please, pretty please!

I would like to start in person zazen meditation sessions in Loveland. I have been leading an online sitting from the basement of our house every week on Tuesday evenings. This works well for sittings with 100% participation online, but it is not practical for in-person zazen because of conflicting work/lifestyle schedules in our home.

So, I am looking for a place to start a ‘live’ zendo or meditation studio. The picture posted is a photo of a small zendo, about 10’ X 12’.

I wonder if any of my Loveland friends have or know of a place to hold meditation sittings. We would need to use the space from 1 to 1 ½ hours at a time once or twice a week to begin with. I have cushions and instruments to set up a zendo like the one in the photo.

A place that is quiet with space to do walking meditation and a bathroom nearby would work well. The cushions could be stacked in a corner when not being used. I could pay some rent, but I cannot afford the $800.00 a month average rent that a studio apartment goes for right now in Loveland.

A shared space could work since I would need it only a few hours a week to begin with. Sharing a small office, massage therapy studio, yoga space, martial arts studio, spare room, basement, garage, or barn might work since we would be using it evenings and weekends to start.

The main requirement of a meditation space is to have as little furniture as possible, so empty is good! Somewhere around 150 square feet of empty floor space would work…about 10 x 15 feet.
Please contact me if you have space available or know of a place.

Thank you and many bows!

David

05/20/2025

Humans have a need to experience peace. Its quality is inherent in our essential nature or Buddha nature. Peace is a pond in its natural, still state. We humans have the potential to become a still pond, but this requires a paradox. Instead of venturing out and searching for and discovering our peaceful nature we need to stop right where we are and allow the pond to settle. And it will.

We have the potential to calm our pond down, but it isn’t through activity that we discover peace. Peace is not an achievement like a high school diploma or a new Lamborghini, peace is an allowance. We must be willing to allow it in our lives, perhaps even invite it in, like a beautiful but shy wild creature. The creature of peace is always with us.

I remember when I was young, at the end of the Catholic mass, we would turn to each side in the pew and say to the person next to us, “May peace be with you.” and they would respond “And also with you.”, then turn to their other side and wish that person, “May peace be with you…and also with you.” and so on until we filled the whole church with the wish for peace. I always thought there was a kind of magic in this prayer/wish because we were sending peace out into the world, as our last act of the mass. But my young mind also thought that it was a rather odd wish because peace was really always with us, why would we need to remind each other? Where else would it go? It didn’t seem any further away than the shiny black shoes I wore to Mass every Sunday. It was already there in the holy water and the hymns. I knew that it was in each person as well.

I did not quite grasp the power of intention at that young an age, but as an adult it has come to hold a compelling meaning. Human intention and will are enormously powerful and we need to be careful with them. We need to be careful with our superpowers.

In Buddhist belief, volition, or will is one of the five skandhas or aggregates that compose human consciousness. I asked Copilot if the word Skandhas and the word Skeins are related. Copilot said it was unlikely since they come to Modern English through distinct cultures. The word Skandhas comes from Sanskrit and Skeins from Norse and Old English, but I say it’s close enough for rock and roll. Skandhas are seen as bundles of interwoven states and Skeins are loosely coiled bundles of yarn. Sounds like a good description of human existence to me! We’re really five bundles of yarn apiece.

In the Skandha view of things, reality is formed by matter or form, sensation, perception, mental formation, and consciousness. These are bundled together to create human consciousness and are something that we don't normally devote a lot of attention to. We usually are aware of the entire bundle and perceive that mistakenly as a self. We bind the five skandhas into what is experienced as a unified whole. These Skeins cannot be pulled apart and separated individually, they exist in relationship with each other. But the interesting thing is when engaged in deep meditation there can grow more awareness of form, sensation, and pure consciousness.

Mental formations are where the pond starts to become choppy. These formations are composed of thoughts and feelings, and volition, our fundamental psychology. The winds of thought/feeling begin to blow and at times become quite stormy. The practice of meditation is to stop and simply be with form, sensation, and direct consciousness, and allow thoughts, feelings, and perception to arise and pass. If we simply become aware of thoughts and emotions that arise, without grasping or aversion, the pond will of itself begin to settle. This is where intention or volition are important. It is important to remember when we sit in zazen why we are doing it. It's also important to remember that our will or volition is always functioning, so we need to be mindful of it.

If our intention is to sit as a human being that is completely alive and completely faithful, the creature of peace will appear at the edge of the still pond and perhaps even visit for a while. May peace be with you…and also with you.

04/26/2025

“Our True Nature is eternal, joyous, selfless, and pure.” This is a line from the Ten Verse Kannon Sutra, a traditional Zen Buddhist sutra or teaching, chanted often at daily Zen practice centers.

“When I find myself in times of trouble…” Paul McCartney would answer that with “Mother Mary comes to me.”

In the Buddhist tradition, Kwan-yin, Kannon, or Kanzeon is revered as the Bodhisattva of Mercy. Kanzeon has evolved from Indian culture, as Avalokiteshvara, through Chinese culture, as Kwan-yin, to Japanese culture as Kannon or Kanzeon. She has also evolved from a male figure or archetype originally, into a female figure in Chinese and Japanese culture. Kwan-yin is also viewed by some as androgynous or without gender.

Kwan-yin is often depicted with multiple arms and hands, with an eye embedded in each hand, the purpose of which is to reach out to the world with kindness, compassion, and vision. She is also described as the hearer of the sounds of the world, or the cries of the world. In Buddhist cosmology Kwan-yin came to awakening through intently listening to and hearing every sound, all sounds.
The Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara listened to sounds so intently that all separation between herself and sounds fell away, and she came to full awakening. Her practice was to hear sounds of the world so clearly and intentionally that she became sound itself. She became the sound of fluttering green leaves in the Ash tree and the chattering of the Blue Jay.

She stands, sits, or reclines in the world today as the presence of compassion and mercy, often depicted holding an overturned jug, pouring out the waters of compassion. She is also in the world as an archetype of our own compassionate nature. She represents and reminds us of the basic nature of our own psyche, the true quality of our spirit.

“Our True Nature is eternal, joyous, selfless, and pure.” What we essentially are cannot be born, cannot die, is without limiting self and is joyous and compassionate. What we essentially are is compassion itself. What we essentially are is understanding of others and their plight in the world. With understanding and experience of our essential nature we understand and experience our sense of empathy and understanding toward all. We really are all in this together and we recognize that this is our naturally endowed, underlying state of being. Indivisibility. From a Buddhist point of view, we are not born into a world of compassion, we are born as a world of compassion.

Metta is an ancient Sanskrit term that is commonly translated as "lovingkindness." The English language equivalent "love" is also appropriate. Although, unlike conditional love often found in human relationships, Metta is boundless and unconditional, radiating warmth and compassion towards all beings, irrespective of their actions or characteristics.

What the Kannon Sutra reveals to us and reveals for us is that lovingkindness is not something that we need to venture forth in search of, rather it is always present, always here as a quality of our being. It Is never farther away than our own hands and feet…and heart.

In the traditional Buddhist view our inherent kindness, love and generosity is obscured by the Three Poisons of greed, hatred and ignorance. From the Zen point of view our true nature is obscured principally by ignorance of our compassionate True Nature.

Metta meditation may be carried out as practice and one component of formal practice is extending goodwill or Metta toward those that you find yourself in conflict with. At the root of this practice is the recognition that everyone, especially those you disagree with, are essentially whole, complete and perfect; their true nature is eternal, joyous, selfless, and pure, and they are possessed of humanity and kindness. During times when it seems that much of the world is simply possessed, I believe it is necessary to have faith in our Kwan-yin nature and to look for it in the world. It rises in the world along with greed, ill will and delusion. “When I find myself in times of trouble” … compassion and kindness come to me.

Metta Meditation:
May I be happy/May I be free from strife and disease/May I be free from suffering/May I attain peace
May you be happy/May you be free from strife and disease/May you be free from suffering/May you attain peace
May those I disagree with be happy/May those I disagree with be free from strife and disease/May those I disagree with be free from suffering/May those I disagree with attain peace
May all beings be happy/May all beings be free from strife and disease/May all beings be free from suffering/May all beings attain peace

03/26/2025

A Land Not Mine posted 032525

03/11/2025

Why are you asking me?

03/01/2025

How to Go Slow Part II

In traditional Zen practice, zazen meditation is organized into rounds of 25 to 40 minutes which are assembled into blocks of two to three hours. A retreat day consists of four blocks: an early morning block, a late morning block, an afternoon block, and an evening block. A zazenkai or all-day-sitting is one full day devoted to zazen with three to four blocks of sitting.

In a daily practice center there may be a morning sitting and an evening sitting four to five days a week, a Sunday morning teisho or talk, monthly zazenkai, weekend retreats, full seven-day sesshin retreats, and a day devoted to samu or work as meditation practice. There are also ceremonies periodically throughout the year to commemorate Thanksgiving, New Year’s Eve, and the Buddha’s birth and enlightenment. There may be the ceremony of Jukai, the taking of the Buddhist precepts. There may be ceremonies devoted to students making a formal commitment to working with the teacher or in which apprentice teachers receive formal transmission from the teacher.

Everything that happens at a modern Zen center requires a minimum commitment of two hours. There are at least two rounds of zazen before a ceremony or talk.

So why do people committed to Zen practice spend so much time sitting? The answer is simple. It requires time sitting in stillness to remember ‘how to go slow.’ When we remember how to go slow, we return to our true home. We meet the world at the exact pace that it is moving. It may be more of a mutual homecoming though. The green, green grass of our original home will reach out to meet us if we are willing to make the journey home.

We can’t merely tap our heels together and recite “There's no place like home; there’s no place like home…” like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. We ordinary human Buddhas must make some effort in remembering. Indeed, Right Recollection is one of the “folds” of the Buddha’s Eight-fold Noble Path. We slow down, stop, and recall.
When we re-collect, we may learn, like Dorothy and Toto, that “If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.”

In fact, it may be found right beneath our heels without ever having to tap them together. It is here in a hardwood floor supporting slipper-shod feet. It is here in the chittering of chickadees in the bare winter branches. It’s here in the icy pearl-gray swirl of clouds swiped across an aquamarine sky. It’s here in the warmth of a loved one’s hug.

So, if you feel a bit of longing deep in your bones to remember how to go slow, to recall a time in your life long ago when there wasn’t the need to hurry and scurry and rush hither and yon, rest assured that there is an avenue to return to that green, green grass. There really is a yellow brick road that will return us home. We never really lost it to begin with.

02/28/2025

02/26/2025

The following excerpt is from Joan Sutherland Roshi’s book Through Forests of Every Color: Awakening with Koans:

“In the eighth century, a new kind of Chan developed in response to a cataclysmic time in Chinese history (Chan is the word that transliterated into "Zen" in Japanese culture): in the space of ten years two-thirds of the population died of rebellion, invasion, famine, and disease. A sort of order was restored, but Tang dynasty China was no longer a flourishing empire, and life had a new tenuousness. A few Chan innovators wanted not to escape the catastrophe looming around them but to more fully meet it with what philosopher Simone Weil called 'a just and loving gaze'.”

I think it’s difficult for Americans to even begin to fathom the reality of a ten-year period when two-thirds of the population dies. There would be no citizen of the nation untouched by death. There would be no family, no neighborhood, no city untouched by horrific loss. But it’s precisely this kind of time that gave birth to an engaged Chan practice.

“If they were going to be helpful, they had to develop, and quickly, flexibility of mind, an easy relationship with the unknown, and a robust willingness to engage with life as they found it. Perhaps most importantly, they needed a really big view. For them Chan practice wasn’t about getting free OF the world; It was about being free IN the world. How do we fall willingly into the frightened, blasted, beautiful, tender world? Because, to paraphrase Peter Hershock…it’s not enough to see what Buddha nature is you have to realize what Buddha nature does.”

How many times in decades of Zen practice have we heard, “Show me?!” Don’t talk about it, don’t describe it…”Show it!” Bring it to life, show how Buddha nature functions in the world! Bring it!

“From Mazu Daoyi’s perspective, the need was so great that there wasn't time for people to despair or lack confidence or run away. It’s as if he were saying that you can get clear right now about your own nature and the nature of life and then you can roll up your sleeves and start doing something about it.”

What to do, what to do? That's always the question isn't it? Not 'to be or not to be', but "What do I do?" “Fall willingly into the frightened, blasted, beautiful, tender world.” I think that Joan Sutherland Roshi is displaying a fierce vulnerability here. It’s easy to see by looking around right now the frightened and blasted quality of the world. But we need to remember, and to bring forth the beautiful and the tender.

There are forces in the world today that are conjuring the frightened and the blasted and which seek to destroy the beautiful and the tender. But greed and arrogance cannot destroy what we truly are: our indivisible, shining wholeness. Ignorance cannot destroy our original ‘wokeness.’ It can however destroy this Blue Planet that is our home.

So what would it look like if we were to “Fall willingly into the frightened, blasted, beautiful, tender world?”

When John Daido Loori, abbot of Zen Mountain Monastery in Mount Tremper, NY, visited a tiny garage zendo, in the alley of Columbine Street in Denver in the early 1990’s, someone asked him, “I just came from a protest. How do I maintain my Zen practice in an environment like that?” Daido Roshi replied, “You're responsible for the whole catastrophe!”

If we choose to undertake a practice like Zen, we become responsible for the whole catastrophe. We accept responsibility for the whole “frightened, blasted, beautiful, tender world.” It can seem daunting, but it helps to know and experience that one IS the whole catastrophe. It becomes easier to accept responsibility for the whole nine yards. To paraphrase Hakuin Zenji, “I am the sun, the moon, the stars"...and “the weapons of chemical dust” as Bob Dylan described in the song With God on Our Side. I am the shoes that march and the voice that chants.

A monk asked Shih Tou, “What am I supposed to do?
Shih Tou replied, “Why are you asking me?”
The monk said, “Where else can I find what I’m looking for?”
“Are you sure you lost it?” asked Shih Tou.

Per Dorothy when she arrived back in Kansas: “If it wasn’t here to begin with, I never really lost it in the first place.”

I’ll give Bob Dylan the last word here, Bob seems to be everywhere these days: “When you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose”