05/16/2024
My husband showed me the power of a simple touch when we are in an argument.
Last week my husband and I were arguing about something. The kids came home from school, so it was time to put the argument on pause as we needed to make dinner, and just be parents.
I was sitting at the table on my laptop, while waiting for dinner in the oven to be ready.
My husband sat down beside me, and opened up his laptop to do his own work.
He slowly put his hand on my leg, and kept it there for a minute.
I looked at his hand, placed on my leg, and said “I thought you were mad at me.. why are you touching me?”
He looked at me and said “even when we are arguing, I want you to feel safe in our relationship. I want you to know that my physical touch, or affection, will never be withheld from you as some sort of punishment for still being in an argument.”
It was in that moment I realized, he knows I need to feel safe and secure, even in moments of arguing.
It was in that moment I realized, I had conditioned myself to think that I didn’t deserve his touch if he was upset with me.
I thought back to the recent arguments we have had, and realized I have withheld touch and affection from him.
It was in that moment, with his hand on my leg, that I realized the power of his small act.
My husband taught me, in that moment, touch is not something to be withheld, or used as a punishment.
You can be in a disagreement, but still remind your partner that they’re safe, and you will work through this together.
Him putting his hand lightly on my leg seemed small to him, but to me, it felt like safety.
His small graze on my leg, reminded me that we will work through this, together.
His small touch reminded me that even in moments of disagreements, I am safe with him.
His small touch reminded me that I am always worthy of his physical affection, and that it should never be used as a weapon in an argument.
His small touch, even in the midst of an argument, well, it felt like home.
✍️ Caitlin Fladager
