07/27/2021
Everyone has a perspective that they see life through. It’s impossible to see things as another person. For this reason, it is unhelpful and sort of dehumanizing to tell someone who is struggling with their own work that their experience is not real, or the symptoms they are experiencing are not real. Trauma may put people in irrational thought patterns, and it may be unhealthy or unhelpful. To them, in that moment, it is very real, and to say otherwise only adds salt to the wound.
Believe me, I get it, it’s really easy - when our own life is getting in the way, to unintentionally minimize, dismiss, or even rob someone of their experience, but if we want to help, to heal, we must meet people where they are.
Additionally, if you are experiencing dismissal of your own experience, that is the time to set boundaries.
How do I know if someone might be doing this?
It can be hard to tell at first, but it comes in the form of something like the following…
“ You know your symptoms aren’t real, right?”
“That’s not how it happened, you’re remembering it wrong “
“ you’re being too emotional about this, that’s not what you should be feeling “
“That’s stupid “
Other signs of someone invalidating you’re experience may come in the form of:
Feeling belittled around them.
Not being able to finish a thought, or share your experience without them interrupting or undermining what you just said, and saying things like, “of course, I would never do that” but their behavior doesn’t change.
If in doubt, trust yourself. You are the only one who knows your experience. Set boundaries where you see appropriate. Seeing a licensed professional is often helpful here too. They will be able to model healthy boundaries with you and her you navigate situations you’re unsure of in an empowering way.
You got this.