Walking With God Oxford

Welcome to "Walking With God"! This page is for parents, family and friends who have suffered the loss of a child. I need to begin by stating "I am not a counselor". I have a BS in psychology, but I don't want to give the impression this is a counseling group. This is a peer support group. Walking with God is a Christian support group. A group to help people through a very difficult time in their lives. I would like for people to be able to share their thoughts and feeling during their grieving process. Grieving is different for everyone. So please keep it friendly, as we never know where others are. Please feel free to post photos, tell stories and ask questions so others in the group can give feedback. You may also message me if it is something you are not ready to share with everyone. A little about me.... My name is Marilyn. I have been pregnant 7 times, had 6 live births and 5 living children. My children are all girls, in my opinion, the most beautiful girls on the inside and out. In february of 1992 I miscarried, this was my third pregnancy. I was very young and although I had family right with me, I shut them out. I didn't understand why this had happened and did not want anyone telling me how to feel. After a couple of years I became pregnant with my third little girl and shortly after her birth became pregnant with my son, Philip Jr. Born in June 1995, he was born several weeks early and spent about 4 weeks in the hospital before he came home. Overall a very healthy baby, just a little behind in developing since being a premie. My husband at the time and I drove a semi truck across county. All 4 children with us and I would not change that precious time I spent with my children. In October we decided to stay home and work like "normal" people. The kids went to a sitter and I worked 5 days a week from early in the morning until late at night. It was a cold December morning and I went to work just like we always did. A teacher was bringing my oldest to me at work after school because my mother-in-law was having surgery and no one would be at house that day. I walked out to take a break and check on her, when someone from the office came in and ask "can someone go get Marilyn there is someone on the phone and said it is an emergency." I immediately thought something had happened to my mother-in-law. It was not what I expected. About the only thing I remember the sitter saying was "Marilyn it's the baby, I did everything I could!" I ran to get my husband and grabbed my daughter as we ran out the door. My husband said "pray, Marilyn, pray." There was this moment on that 20 minute drive to the hospital that I felt a hand of comfort and I knew my son was gone. Once at the hospital what seemed like a forever wait, the doctor confirmed my worse fear was now a reality. My son was gone! It was determined a SIDS death (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome or Crib Death) December 18th, 1995, the day he first slept all night, the day he first turned his head to kiss his mommy, the last day I held him in my arms. So now for the second time in my life, I started shutting people out. I felt like the world stared at me, judged me, felt sorry for me, but my life was just what it was. I tried to focus on my 3 girls and just move forward. I felt so alone, because no one understood and I was so tired of hearing people say they were sorry. A friend told me it was because they didn't know what else to say. I didn't like talking to counselors as my thought was they don't get it either. It took me hitting rock bottom and getting so mad at God for where I was in my life to finally pick myself up and run with what I had. My 2 youngest girls have always been told their brother picked them out special for me. He knew exactly what I needed. After my divorce I continued to not really want to talk about Little Philip. I was still so hurt and felt like there was no one to talk to. My 5 girls and I moved to Mississippi and then to Tennessee, where I married a wonderful man. Little did we both know that God really had a bigger plan for me. So my journey begins. I have friends who have lost children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and close friends. With each of them grieving in their own way. My conclusion is that no one should have to feel alone. There are many of us out here who can relate, and help talk you through those tough days. I personally still have tough day! Please join me in making sure no one feels like they are alone!

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