10/23/2025
Relapse - it is a common frustration in recovery, both for those struggling to stay sober and for the families and friends supporting them. However, sometimes relapse happens, and it doesn't always mean failure in the long run. This blog, by Mae Wright, offers a new perspective on the issue of relapse.
Rethinking Relapse
Relapse is not a failure; it’s part of the recovery process.
I repeat: relapse is not a failure—it’s part of the recovery process.
If you’re thinking, “Um, okay Mae. Sure thing," I hear you. I’ve been in your shoes. As someone in recovery, and as a person who has seen family members and friends suffer from addiction, I understand your concern.
C.S. Lewis once said, “Experience is a brutal teacher.” I believe relapse can be that kind of teacher—a guidepost, a signal, a check-engine light if you will.
What if we viewed relapse as a gentle nudge to re-examine a few things? Maybe it’s a small veer off the path, a missed step, or an emotion that went unchecked until it demanded to be numbed. What if relapse is a sign that a stronger, deeper recovery is just ahead—if we can meet it with compassion and action?
When I offer compassion and openness to relapse, I start to extinguish the fire of failure rather than fueling it with shame.
For Families Watching a Loved One Relapse
For those with a loved one in recovery, even imagining relapse can feel like a gut punch. You want your loved one to heal, get better, and stay sober—forever.
But addiction is a chronic, lifelong disease that requires ongoing care and attention. Families often learn this too, though knowing it doesn’t make it hurt any less when relapse happens.
So what now? How can relapse become a lesson in grace and forgiveness, rather than a setback?
Facing Two Choices
As a therapist and person in recovery, I see two main paths:
We can talk about relapse with open hearts and minds, seeing it as an opportunity to learn.
Or we can label it a failure and sweep it under the rug.
While I’m firmly on Team Option One, I know I wasn’t always there. I’ve had relapses that left me convinced I was—and always would be—a failure.
But the truth is: addiction thrives in shame and secrecy.
Recovery, on the other hand, becomes stronger when we practice honesty, openness, and willingness—especially when our loved ones and families learn to support us along the way.
Building New Muscles of Recovery
Doing things differently—or even seeing things differently—can feel completely foreign at first. But as I often remind clients:
“What’s foreign at first is just a muscle you haven’t strengthened yet.”
We learn new ways of living by doing them. Those first steps might feel sore and uncomfortable, but over time, we realize how strong we’ve become.
We’re also stronger together. When we walk toward love, forgiveness, and accountability, we become more capable of facing the dark and trusting that light is still waiting on the other side.
When Everyone Feels Powerless
Families may not always know the “right” thing to do—and sometimes even one step forward feels like a mountain climb. That sense of powerlessness can be overwhelming.
Here’s the thing: your loved one probably feels powerless too.
You might be thinking, “Oh great, Mae’s saying we’re both powerless—how inspiring!” I get the eye roll. But there’s actually beauty in recognizing our limits.
When we admit we don’t have all the answers, we open ourselves to reach out for help. We begin seeking guidance from others who have walked the same road.
This is where support groups like AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and Al-Anon can make a real difference. They create a sense of community—not just for those struggling with addiction, but also for the families who love them.
The Shared Journey of Healing
It’s no secret that families suffer alongside their loved ones battling addiction. Everyone becomes consumed with worry and hope, praying that maybe, one day, things will change.
The chaos and isolation can feel endless. But healing is possible. No one is too far gone—and no one has had “too many” relapses to find recovery.
Relapse is one of the hardest experiences to endure, yet it can also hold our most powerful lessons. Our greatest strengths often rise from the stories we once wanted to erase.
If we know that judgment from others harms our healing, then we must also recognize how self-judgment can be just as destructive—if not worse.
So, let’s aim for kindness and love, the same way we’d treat a friend. Remember: recovery is possible for every person and every family. We all need compassion, especially in our darkest, most shame-filled moments.
Thankfully, help is always within reach—if we’re willing to reach for it.
Need Support? You’re Not Alone
If you or someone you love is navigating addiction or recovery, you don’t have to do it alone.
Reach out to CHH and get connected with Mae Wright, LMSW:
🌐 Book a session
📞 Call the office at 601-898-4947
