11/17/2025
https://triplegoddessarts.com/blog/its-a-bird-its-a-plane-its-s-uicide
Blog of the week.
‘It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…..
S-uicide…….’
Blog by:Katherine Lily Mae Harris
(I am not suicidal and have a great therapist but here is me bringing awareness to the topic, with what has happened in my life.)
Su***de is not uncommon. It’s something evidently most people have thought of in their lifetimes Atleast once. Many people have lost someone to su***de, whether intentional or an overdose, especially here.
I contemplated su***de before in my life. The first time being when I was about 21 years old and married. My ex was abusive, he had already been to jail for it (all of our friends thought I left him because he didn’t want to ‘go out at night.’ I never told them how he treated me.) He was horrible to me, from the beginning. I hadn’t had time to process any of the immense trauma I had experienced in my life.
Being abused, molested, r***d, trafficked, gang r***d, oppressed and isolated. No wonder I was experiencing dissociative behavior.
I was so young, had been through hell and fell into a bad relationship.
I remember he sat next to me on the bed, refusing to go with me to a group of our friend’s party. He then told me, ‘nobody even cares about you, nobody is your friend or likes you, you should just kill yourself and get it over with.’
He went downstairs.
I counted out how many Aleve we had. That’s right, Aleve. I was choosing the long agonizing death of inner organ issues.
I took the pills one by one.
I was ready to die.
Eight hours passed. I had stayed upstairs and he, downstairs. I went down after the eight hours and I said, ‘I did something stupid and I need you to drive me to the ER.’ 10 minutes away.
He said,
‘What?!
Nobody noticed, so you had to say something?!’
Then he said, ‘I’m going to call an ambulance, I’m not driving you.’
He wanted to embarrass me.
So I held the phones and he wrestled me for them. Eventually getting one and calling.
The police showed up and then the ambulance.
It was Embarrassing, just as I thought it would be.
The officers said there had been several su***des in that building before. I was unsurprised. I tend to be connected to the dead.
On the way as the emt poked me, what seemed like 1000 times with the IV needle, she asked if there was anything they should know about my husband. I tried to explain to her, yes! He is abusive and horrible to me, I tried explaining by starting with what had just occurred, she said, ‘he called us because he cares about you….’
Mmmhmmmmm yeah.
At the hospital he was the pillar of a good spouse. Acting caring and concerned. I drank charcoal. I left. Saw a therapist a few times and that was it. I left him July 2008 and got divorced that December.
Did I ever think about su***de again, no. I didn’t.
Until 2023.
I guess everyone’s game and joke after I ended up crippled, wasn’t so funny to everyone, least of all me. Evidently with their government connections and power and privelage in community, they are just as unaccountable as every person who has ever harmed me here. Guess they all get ‘free passes.’
My ex fiancé crippled me. I’ve spoken about that enough. He crippled me and tormented me. I refused to let it get me down.
The medical personnel involved are not innocent to this either. When you are crippled because of a man and he is interacting with them, (your doctor, etc) more than you, as their hairdresser and your pleas to them to listen and take it seriously, fall upon deaf ears, the recipe is, disaster, no wonder it led to this…..
After a pretty terrifying summer that went between ‘fawning’ and struggling to leave (both physically and otherwise) attempting to heal, attempting to make sense of what occurred. Feeling responsible for HIS daughter and HER safety. What about mine though?
I eventually got away from him that September 2023. I haven’t let anyone near me since.
I went back to work, with lots of adjustments to the requirements of the job, my bosses knew I had a spine injury from him. I tried my best to move forward. I worked as much as I could. I died of autonomic dysreflexia a bunch. I took care of my blind elderly dog & Myself as best I could. I took care of my life. I had to rehabilitate her also, after the abuse him and his daughter did to her. I made plans for a future, even if it needed to be adapted to my injury. I had hope for something.
What happens when you live in a place that is happy to see you fail and takes pleasure in watching you be tormented?
Little by little as I began to understand the seriousness of my injury, I began being harassed by the USA government for speaking on the phone to a friend (ex) from Saudi. January 2021. I handled this harassment as I did most other traumatic events, with a trauma response.
‘Everything is going to be ok.’
I believed that everyone involved would see their mistake and be honorable. That we would communicate about it and resolve it from the inside, like adults. (They still have not done this, instead choosing to pretend I am ‘crazy.’ Nice, right? )
I did not want to speak about being harassed by our government for a few reasons.
*One, I thought once they realized their mistake, they would be honorable. That these were people too, and they would be able to have accountability for their wrong action.
*Two, my ex was married when we spoke on the phone and I didn’t want to upset his marriage. We did not say anything inappropriate, and had I known he was married, I would not have spoken to him at all.
*Three, the majority of people here have no clue what it’s like to be harassed. None. I have lived a completely different life than most here. Most don’t want to understand, or have chosen to turn a blind eye to protect the abusers.
Those that have been kind, listened, helped, THANK YOU.
I did a rare thing about my ex crippling me (not the man from Saudi, he was a great lover. Safe.)
I reported to law enforcement the abuse. My ex husband who was arrested for abuse, I dropped all charges.
My ex who crippled me, I decided to report. My therapist at the time helped me understand that if he ever does this to another, and I hadn’t reported it, I would feel horrible. So I reported it. I made sure his daughter was safe first.
I had a temporary protection from abuse order, against him.
6 months.
I reported a violation once and the officer was very kind.
The second time he was lurking about, when I spoke to an officer about it, he was rude. Such is the nature of life. Good and bad in all professions. I was proud of myself for reporting this. It was unusual of me to do so.
In 2016, I had reported an incident of a different ex stalking me, after our break up, and at the insistence of a roommate, reported it.
This time, 2020, my therapist helped me realize I needed to report him. He crippled me and tormented me. Bad.
I began posting on social media about everything when that temporary protection from abuse wore out, after 6 months.
I wanted everyone to know if something happened to me, it was him.
I wanted to speak up and keep moving forward.
I was positive I would heal quickly and wanted to keep being uplifting! I posted videos of belly dancing until I fell down from injury. I posted videos of playing the piano and kept the mistakes in. (I was trying to keep the neural pathways that were formed when I was a kid being taught the keys, carved and properly synapsing for healing,) I would Sufi spin and then go work at the daycare right after. I was really trying my best to survive and to express to anyone that understood, ‘hey, I’m in danger here and I’m dying, please help!!!’ while also, trying to continue to attempt to make an income, because without money, I was in more danger.
The doctors realized the seriousness of my injury too late and started to imply it was an underlying condition to help themselves…..pretty low.
I still had enough evidence to go off of. One diagnosis of Pelvic floor issues Summer of 2020(him hitting me in my t7-10 spine, collapsed my abdominals, I’ve never had kids. He crippled me!)Another diagnosis of Thorocolumbar radioculopathy August 2020, a neurologist noting a potential spine stroke from the hit impact in October 2020. Osteopathic notes that showed vitals conducive with spinal cord injury and constantly noting the iliopsoas and t7-10 spine issues. He told me to look into dorsal root ganglion. During all of this, the majority of my posting got responses like, it’s just ‘alga rhythms.’ And that was it.
I’m dying, being harrased and it’s just, ‘alga rhythms’ to those who could have helped!!
No wonder so many get disappeared easy!!
When I asked people from a different country about refuge, I don’t think they understood what was happening. Evidently everyone’s gossip and rumors were more fun.
I finally applied to our failing ssd because I had paid in 22 years!
I got a diagnosis of ‘reminiscent brown sequard’ after a pin pricking test all down my body. 2021. That allowed me to find out what autonomic dysreflexia was and helped me stop losing consciousness from it. The physiatrist unfortunately must also have cued in to the lies and for some reason decided to delete that diagnosis when I asked her for a Spinal cord rehabilitation specialist. She is a horrible person.
March 5, 2022 I testified against my abuser. I was treated horribly on the stand and he was found not guilty. His lawyer brought up my abusive ex. To try and make it seem like habit. I wonder, if his lawyer’s daughters were treated the way I was, by those men, if he would represent their abusers? Would he Speak to his daughters that way??
I had to stand for that jury, barely able to, after being seating an hour. I had to lean against the desk.
I stood for a jury, that watched me have a traumatized and visceral response to the man who crippled me and found him not guilty. Disgusting.
I went to a chiropractor 2022 who luckily broke my drop foot back into place and helped a ton with his adjustments.
He told me to stop attending my Sufi meditations, because I was still being harassed by the government.
During this whole time. I moved forward and believed everything would be ok.
Another neurologist noted spinothalamic tract issues form the hit.
A third neurologist has said, maybe there was a contusion that healed and is still causing issues.
I want my mri from March 5, 2021 to be uncovered and seen. That will solve everything. Then I can actually help people. The goal.
I still believed everything would be ok. Somehow. It wasn’t.
People were dishonorable and I started to speak up about what I’ve experienced. I wanted everyone to tell the truth to who they lied to. I was called ‘wonder woman’ sarcastically by people.
I was made fun of by cop’s wives who loved seeing me harmed. Loved seeing me crippled. In fact, that was the response from most women here, pleased to see me hurt. Some of them are the reason I was so harmed as a teenager here. They will never be held accountable. Look who they married!
I wrote to the president, I wrote to homeland security. I tried to make money off my art. An Etsy site. I tried to promote my online business. (The reason I traveled and studied in the past, my business, not to be confused with medical refuge in Peru, South America because of this injury. 2023)
My dog crossed the rainbow bridge February 2, 2023 via peaceful passages at home. That broke me. We were inseparable almost 12 years!!!
People here staying dishonorable led to me leaving on foot with a Walker and spinal cord injury after having to give away over 1/2 my belongings. This evidently was funny to some government officials and their spouses.
You see, some of us not only can’t go to police because of the men abusing us and circumstances.
We also can’t go to police, because the toxic spouses of theirs, will downplay everything and act like we just want the cop. That is, the ones who aren’t a part of the problem and help their spouses get away with everything, by using women like me as a scapegoat.
So it’s like double danger.
So who do you turn to?
I have to check who is at the department of where I live, before I move? Call and let them know, hey, I don’t want anybody else’s husband, but if I’m in danger, can I call? Or is your wife going to gang up on me and ruin my life worse with her flying monkeys? It isn’t just police. It’s any person in power really, but who do we turn to? Who?
I was almost trafficked. Almost. Again. Disappeared. And it was funny to them all.
I knew that had the right people been paying attention, we could have made it a lot safer for everyone. I am so anti human trafficking.
Instead, it was a big game and joke to the toxic women who have always placed me in danger and gotten away with it.
I sought medical refuge with my packets of vegetable seeds and hope. Traumatized and having faith it would all work out, I believed!
Instead it was like a malicious game.
I realized on September 17, 2023 that honor was not going to occur and that the people involved are horrible. Just wretched people.
No one knew where I was.
No one.
I had done a little social experiment of my own, to prove how dangerous these web trapping gossipers are.
I decided on September 17th that with the gabapentin I was given in 2020 for the Thorocolumbar radioculopathy (caused by blunt force trauma) that’s why I brought it. To kill myself. Rather than be trafficked again, I decided to kill myself.
So I write a letter, saying ‘I told the truth. He crippled me, etc’ I laid all the medical evidence I had out around me. I was grateful that the police in Peru actually know what goes on in the World. They aren’t blinded by privileged women who always get their daddies and husbands to torment us, for them to keep getting away with being horrible. Like here at home.
I knew they would examine my body proper, prove I was telling the truth and then actually do what a cop is supposed to, investigate and solve. Then we could have had an international trafficking ring, taken down. Instead it’s still up and running and everyone is pretending it isn’t…..disgusting.
I counted out the gabapentin.
I then looked online what the necessary dose was to kill yourself and I came across this entry, article, about a woman who tried to kill herself with them, and she drank, and she still didn’t die!!!! Wait a minute!!!
I wanted to be completely dead.
So, I wondered……..
What if it just crippled me worse?
What if dangerous people intercept my body before police?
What if………so
I prayed.
I went and got pizza.
I didn’t kill myself. Much to the disappointment of the web traps.
Me dead was what was needed for them to really get away with everything.
Someone broke into my storage unit while I was away.
The police investigated four days and closed the case, even though identification documents and other things were stolen. If they had found who broke in, we would have been that much closer to taking down a human trafficking ring, but why would they do that, when their wives are part of the issue?!
The rest of the story is known.
I believed people would have honor.
They don’t. They didn’t. They still haven’t.
I refuse to let everyone get away with what they have done.
Because I lived here all my life.
I know what’s normal and what isn’t. So many times people go missing and are never heard from again. Whether from being human trafficked or disappeared as an extremist by our government, I refuse to let this go. They can be accountable.
Thankfully I started blogging (at the recommendation of a kind person who helped me with my website. He intended for it to be about about my business, it turned out to be a sounding board for me to finally speak up!)
Through actually speaking what I’ve survived, no wonder I contemplated su***de!
No wonder while everyone decided to pick on me, watch me walk until I fell down with a spine injury from domestic assault, I was traumatized. No wonder.
A middle aged, crippled and autistic woman is fun for them to torment, I’m used to it.
Speaking up hopefully has helped those who want the area to be somewhat safer, take down some of the trafficking rings, that have long been here. Make no mistake. I was gang r***d with a bag over my head, in 2003. I was trafficked in 2001-2002/3. This has been going on. The issue is that everyone covers for the ones doing it. They would rather protect their spouses or family that’s involved, not caring that it’s happening because of them, than to be honorable.
What if it happened to you?
Your family?
Would you care then?
I’m always isolated.
Speaking up has made me even less popular than I was before.
Everyone loved it when I stayed forgiving.
As soon as I started to realise in my mid 30s that what others do to me isn’t my karma, it’s their earned bad karma, that sent everyone in a tizzy.
I started speaking up and they started ganging up on me.
I was threatened with law suits for ‘defamation of character.’ By the people or their family members who knowingly put me in danger, lied about me, spread rumors about me or hurt me themselves; yet, because they have money and popularity, they can threaten me?!?!
What about what they DID????! It’s depressing and disgusting.
Everyone playing their little web trap game and thinking it’s funny; just caused a whole lot more people to be in danger, that’s on their karma.
Not mine.
Enjoy. 🪬
So,
it’s a bird,
it’s a plane,
no it’s just su***de……
su***de because the USA became just like my abusive ex.
Always promising to be better and be honorable, giving me just enough hope to believe in a better future, before continuing to be dishonorable and act like nothing ever happened.
Please Know if you’re contemplating su***de, you aren’t alone.
Here is a call link for any of you that are or have: open 24/7 call or text 988
People like those who have harmed my life ARE the issue.
Not you.
Please remember that your life has value.
You don’t deserve their abuse.
And neither did I.
Blog by:Katherine Lily Mae Harris (I am not suicidal and have a great therapist but here is me bringing awareness to the topic, with what has happened in my life.) Su***de is not uncommon. It’s something evidently most people have thought of in their lifetimes Atleast once. Many people have lost s...
