08/11/2025
Happy National Son and Daughter Day. This is my son. I didn't think either of us would survive his kittenhood. I have raised, like, 11 cats because I used to foster. And he was, by far, the worst kitten I have ever met. Some of his hobbies persist to this day, including:
1. Screaming incessantly while changing the pitch of his meows so you can't tune him out
2. Stomping on my face at 3am
3. Stealing butter out of the butter dish so that now we can't have soft butter in the house
4. Becoming besties exclusively with people who are allergic to cats
5. Learning how to open doors (he can now open 2 kinds of doorknobs! Unending joy!)
6. Opening cabinet doors and chewing on-- but not eating-- entire packages of bagels. Every bagel, every time
7. Scooping litter out of his box and onto the floor as an act of protest
8. Lying about the last time he got fed, even to the person who fed him
9. Being carried around the house and office in a box-palanquin
10. Sitting too close to the television
Is he sentient? Yes. Is he a cat? Maybe. Is he a human that got yeeted into a cat body as some sort of cosmic revenge? That's more likely. A cryptid? Probably.
Zero shade to parents who use the tv as a babysitter every now and again. Look, you do whatever you need to do to get a break and may the odds be ever in your favor🤷♀️
