Brazen Bee Beauty

01/27/2026

I lived at the center of chaos when I got sober. I had made choices in life that completely isolated me. I hadn’t seen a friend in months. I had no family member close enough to fall into their arms without driving 3 hours or getting on a plane.

I HAD SET MYSELF UP FOR FAILURE.
I now see that as a divine choice.

We all “hit bottom” differently. I think a woman’s bottom is often more complicated to spot. We can be so skilled at maintaining certain things while we are dying inside. Only three people in my life knew what was really going on around me and they didn’t really know that alcohol was any part of it.

I didn’t get sober at the worst of my drinking. I wasn’t having whiskey or that handle of vodka alone in my car that I had often spent hours with in the years previous. I was on a diet of pure heartbreaking chaos mixed with a case of Truly or White Claw most nights. I was spending some nights trying to pass out outside in the corner of an acre by the fence. I wanted to die.

I had driven my life into a ditch and made sure no one was there to help me. All I had to reach for was an idea of a god that I had spent years being angry with. I cried myself to sleep often mumbling “God, please help me,” and rocking myself back and forth on the hard ground with “it’s gonna be ok.” I did not think it was going to be ok.

Today is my 300th day sober. 299 days ago I reached out for help. I walked into a support group meeting and I met many women who had been in my shoes. 300 days ago I made a decision to take life on with clear eyes and an open heart. 300 days ago I was broken to completion. I had no way or strength to get my vehicle out of that ditch. No amount of pretending or faking it till I made it would have lifted that car back onto the road. It was clear to me, finally.

The difference in my life from then to today is miraculous. Life is not just worth living, it worth appreciating. I wake in the morning with prayers of gratitude on my heart and a sense of wonder.

I’m grateful that my god didn’t answer my prayers for death that I asked for so many times. I’m grateful to be here.

01/13/2026

On this ride through life, I have been labeled a lot of things. A “cryer” is certainly one of them. “Too much” is another one!
A wise person finally told me that “Feelings aren’t reality, they will pass.”

In my younger years, I definitely thought they were EVERYTHING. They drove the car. I mislabeled them as passion, intuition, and lessons. They can be all of those things, but now I know they are often not.

I sit with them. I let them wave through me. I spend time just allowing them without analyzing them, as best as I can. I don’t respond to them or act on them right away. They are, in fact, like children. They are here to teach me and give me messages. But the first thoughts inside of my feelings are not often the most important ones.

Obsession often leads to compulsion and I choose to not live a compulsive life.
Is it ok to be spontaneous? Yes. But spontaneity and compulsion are two different things.

One is fun and spirit-filled and the other is driven by a need to be comforted right away. Compulsion is to reach for, too often, something not good for me.

Compulsion is driven by a feeling of discomfort, which is just a temporary feeling. If it becomes pervasive, I need to pray more to my higher power and ask what the source is. The source is usually from my own mind and the wrong thinking that I have any control of the world around me.

01/06/2026

NOTHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU because you allowed someone to misunderstand you. Reread that.
I just learned this at 49 years old this week. Finally.

NOTHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU because a person thinks misguided or bad things about you. It’s not your job to correct them. GASP.

I will no longer explain myself out of FEAR. I will explain myself if someone who wants to hear me ASKS.
I have to work hard to not explain out of fear, but now that I am choosing to not do it, I am seeing how the other half lives and how I could have been living my whole life. It ain’t bad out here, y’all.

12/31/2025

Happy New Year’s Eve!!
I just spent 20 minutes on my knees sobbing to god that I just can’t BELIEVE how much my life has changed in one year?!
Like wow.
Y’all. This is so incredible.

All I can pray is that I can touch someone else’s life as often as possible so they have hope. There is no way I could have done all this. I have so much gratitude I could fill an ocean.

I had the SH*TIEST day on this day last year. If you had told me all this would come to pass I would have punched you for messing with my head and heart.
I wanted to die on this day one year ago. And now i give thanks for every day that i am here and hope that i can have time to return this love and pay it forward for as long as possible.

Lay your troubles at the feet of the god of your understanding and wonder at the water that flows, freezes, falls from the sky, gets lifted into branches of the trees, evaporates from the snow on the sunny mountain tops.... our cycles are beautiful in EVERY form and moment. You are beautiful in all of them.

May we move through this year with a sense of glorious wonder. May we tickle someone else’s heart with the love we’ve been shown. May we lift someone else up or allow someone to lift us up.

There are people that love you, no matter who you are. The people who are mad at you love you. The people who are frustrated with you love you. The people who you have failed love you.

May you find softness in your heart for yourself and allow the love of whatever created you hold you tenderly.

Each moment is and can be a moment of new beginnings.

I now understand “I came. I came to. I came to believe.”

12/24/2025

Merry Christmas Eve!
This time of year, when the darkness is darker, the light of day wanes so early… we naturally are drawn into parts of ourselves that demand more contemplation.
The little lights of Christmas are to remind us that the light is housed within us all. As we find ourselves indoors more and closer to people, may we ever remind ourselves in each moment that we are here to reflect the light of our creator.

All the lights decorating trees and houses resemble our many soul lights here to decorate god’s creation on this earth. People used to light the many candles to remind themselves that WE carry light into the darkness. We are responsible for that in each of our lives. It is our birthright to be and embody that light, and it is the highest path that imparts the most giddy sense of gratitude.

Be the light for someone else this week as we travel through the time of darkness. The sun will return. Spring will be upon us sooner than we think.
Hope will fill our hearts as we see new buds on the trees and unseen flowers emerge like magical beings on the sides of highways.

For now- you carry that for your fellow people and it is beauty in its highest form.

12/03/2025

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08/26/2025

A sober me. Vulnerability is the best policy. I’ve been racked with fear about all the newfangled things the marketing experts say I *should* be doing. Screw it. This is what I know and this is what I’m sticking to.

06/30/2025

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06/27/2025

BIG SALE! The Power of Powders Sale. see link