05/02/2024
One of the most common things my clients come to me with are struggles with others - family, friends, co-workers, people at church, neighbors, total strangers. People do things and we react - we get hurt, we feel judged, we judge, we harden our hearts, we adopt an "us against them" attitude.
I wanted to share a little bit about how I view these things...well, let me be honest. I don't know how to be anything but long-winded. So this is MY version of a little bit, nor the common definition of a little bit. :) I actually have a lot more to say on this subject and in giving help to others to learn these things. But this is my attempt to be brief.
1 Nephi 12:17
And the mists of darkness are the temptations of the devil, which blindeth the eyes, and hardeneth the hearts of the children of men, and leadeth them away into broad roads, that they perish and are lost.
THE TEMPTATIONS OF THE DEVIL ARE NOT AN EXTERNAL ACTION, BUT AN INTERNAL REACTION.
It is very important to understand. Another person's thoughts, words, or deeds 1) have nothing to do with me, 2) are none of my business, 3) are not those "mists of darkness" - about which I most definitely should be concerned. The mists of darkness are ME closing or hardening MY heart. Me not being willing to open MY EYES to see things as they really are. Not being willing to see my own baggage and beliefs which cloud and distort my vision and stop my ears that I will not hear and harden my heart that I will not understand.
So how do we become aware of this reaction within ourselves? How do we stop judging and pointing the finger at others?
What is that which blinds my eyes? Anger, pride, envy, strife, malice, pain, hurt - anything which allows or encourages me to close my heart, anything which feels like judgment or condemning…whether toward myself or others.
God’s pattern: see with your eyes, hear with your ears, understand with your heart, convert and be healed.
Satan’s pattern: blind your eyes, stop your years, harden your heart, choose your own way, and be lost.
All too often when I allow my eyes to be blinded because of the temptations of the devil, I don’t see them for what they are. We think of the temptations of the devil as things that he tries to get me to do that are bad, like stealing or lying or cheating.
Again, THE TEMPTATIONS OF THE DEVIL ARE NOT AN EXTERNAL ACTION, BUT AN INTERNAL REACTION.
They can be in the form of me looking at someone and judging them for how they look, talk, dress, act - judgment is what blinds me. Judgment of myself or others is the temptation of the devil. It closes my eyes and hardens my heart.
Someone else has wronged me. My desire to close my heart to “protect myself” from that person in the future is a temptation of the devil who seeks that I might be miserable like unto himself. Holding slights, grudges, misunderstandings, causes me to step away from God by hardening my heart. And I can hold them not only by conscious hardness of my heart but also by stuffing them down deep inside of me because I don’t want to feel that way and I know I should’t feel that way. Either reaction is still holding them. Forgiveness/repentance is not stuffing my judgments down until I have overpowered them. Forgiveness/repentance is allowing my heart to be changed until the judgment is no longer there.
So many of my clients come to me stressed out because they can't seem to find a moment to breathe in their life. They don't see their choices for what they are - a NEED to be busy because it is the only way they are able to control the things which they are holding. They hold it in and hold it in and don’t even realize they are doing it. They force themselves into busy-ness “...lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed.” (Isaiah 6:!0)
That busy-ness can look like stressful service to their family, friends, and neighbors. It can look like an extra job to pay for the “fun things” that the regular income doesn’t afford. Perhaps it looks like being over-zealous in callings. Sometimes it looks like a mother who micro-manages every person who interacts with her children in the name of “being a good mother” or a “mama bear.” It is a father who just needs to finish that last project at work. It is a woman who sees a need but doesn’t want to fill the need because she is just too busy in her own life. It is the person who doesn’t have time to give undivided attention for 15 minutes with each of the children because they need to take care of this other thing first. It’s addicted scrolling through mindless media in an attempt to find something, anything, to help their hearts feel less empty and lonely - looking for that one thing to assuage the black hole which threatens to envelope them the moment they are quiet interntally. It is the fear of moving slowly and with intention. The fear of being still. The deep, mortal fear of being honest with themselves.
These are the temptations of the devil which blind our eyes and harden our hearts so that we wander into forbidden paths and are lost.
But this is literally our entire society in the “first world” nations and even a prevalent culture within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Or it swings in the opposite direction. Parents who spend hours on video games. Husbands and wives who don’t have an eye to eye conversation without a device in their hands. Mothers who don’t have time for their children because they are talking with their friends and they “deserve to take care of themselves.” Single women and men who choose connection that is superficial for fear of being hurt. Women who do not respect the men around them. Men who do not know how to love the women around them. Selfishness abounds. All of it done in the name of “I work hard, I deserve this.” or "I just need to find myself." or "I need to take care of me because no one else will."
Selfishness IS NOT how I take care of myself. That way of living will never help me find me, help me feel like my life is what I "deserve" or make me feel like I am cared for.
It really doesn’t matter which direction you go, as long as your heart is hard and your eyes are blind.
“And finally, I cannot tell you all the things whereby ye may commit sin; for there are divers ways and means, even so many that I cannot number them. But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.” Mosiah 4 29-30
So how do we “watch ourselves”? If I am watching myself with judgment and condemnation, then I am falling into Satan’s temptations. So what does it look like to “watch” myself without judgment? How do I observe the commandments of God? What does it actually mean to continue in the faith of the Lord”
May I suggest a few different words based on the common definitions we use today?
What if we didn’t watch ourselves but instead observed ourselves? Observation. Not adding meaning to the observation to make it a judgment but simple observation. Observe my thoughts and my words and my deeds. See them. Become aware of my internal world and be curious about it. Curiosity allows me to step away from judgment.
May I suggest, instead of “observe the commandments” think of it as being conscious and aware of the Spirit’s influence and guidance and then acting on it. It is the Spirit who gives to us the commandments of God. So being aware of His presence and influence is HOW we begin our observance of the commandments. Follow through with action is required as well.
So how do I learn to observe myself and others without judgment? How do I learn to have emotional space as I begin to become conscious of my emotions and reactions to others?
Curiosity about myself. So and so did this. I recognize a feeling in me has changed. What am I feeling right now? Isn't that interesting? It's interesting that this action or those words caused this feeling inside of me. I wonder why?
The more conscious and aware I am of the changes within me, the more curious I can become about my reactions which will teach me a great deal about me. My reactions are because of my own beliefs and baggage, NOT because of another person's actions or words. I'm going to say that again.
My reactions are because of my own beliefs and baggage, NOT because of another person's actions or words.
THE TEMPTATIONS OF THE DEVIL ARE NOT AN EXTERNAL ACTION, BUT AN INTERNAL REACTION.
The more I see me clearly, the more I see my baggage and those things that need to be healed. Then I simply follow God's pattern for healing as taught by Isaiah.
See with my eyes. Hear with my ears. Understand with my heart. Convert. Be healed.
I hope this helps someone who is trying to grow and find joy in their life. Truly, learning to use and apply these principles brings a life of great joy.
It is hard to remember to practice these things. But, as the great King Benjamin said, "And now, O man, remember, and perish not."
