Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy

10/25/2025

A reminder that there is no relationship where this happens 100% of the time. Perfection is not the goal, nor realistic. But when a relationship trends toward creating a culture of support, appreciation, safety, and comfort between partners, secure attachment is likely to follow.

To learn more, I recommend reading the book Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson.

Source: Based on attachment theory developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions. Attachment theory is nuanced and dynamic and cannot be fully captured in a social media post.

Secure | Attachment | Relationships | Partners | Marriage | Partnership

10/23/2025

What does it really mean to have “good-enough s*x?” This is a concept that’s really important to understand, but is frequently mischaracterized.

“Good-enough s*x” is about approaching s*x with realistic expectations. It’s about recognizing that things won’t always be perfect. Expecting perfection every time heaps a lot of pressure onto us, which can contribute to performance anxiety and, ultimately, can decrease satisfaction and pleasure.

In other words, good-enough s*x isn’t about settling, having s*x that’s only OK, or not having your needs met. It’s just a mindset that helps us to be more flexible and adaptable in the bedroom.

*xed *xeducation *x

10/23/2025

A reminder that we cannot change other people *and* we can still ask for what we need and be clear and direct with our communication.

Bids for connection is a term from The Gottman Institute.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

10/22/2025

The Gottman Institute defines a ritual of connection as “a method of ‘turning towards’ another person that is reliable and can be counted on.” And this is not just limited to romantic partners.

What are your favorite rituals?

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

Ritual | Connection | Relationships | Partners | Couples | Marriage

10/20/2025

What would you add?

Dating | Date night | Couples | Partners | Date ideas | Relationships | Connection | Love

10/19/2025

Being able to tolerate some level of rejection is a relationship skill. It’s inevitable that not every need will be met and that we will hear the word “no” many times.

Of course, we want to cultivate relationships that are balanced, secure, and involve reciprocity. But even in these relationships there is rejection. We aren’t always on the same page. We don’t always want the same things. Relationships require negotiation.

I enjoyed listening to Esther Perel on the Diary of a CEO podcast.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

10/18/2025

To learn more about bids for connection, check out .

To learn more about being emotionally responsive and engaged, I recommend the book, Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

10/17/2025

These things happen in relationships. The most important thing here is to learn to repair after ruptures in connection.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

10/17/2025

10/16/2025

Long relationships are idealized. If you’ve been together a long time, it’s usually seen as a sign of success. This assumption is why one of most common questions people ask when they find out someone is in a relationship is, “How long have you been together?” We use this to gauge the quality of the relationship because it’s not socially acceptable to ask, “Are you happy with your relationship?”

This assumption is also embedded in relationship research. Tons of papers use relationship length as a measure of relationship quality, implying that longer is better.

However, this assumption is flawed. Of course, if you’re happy with someone you’ll probably stay together. But it’s also true that some people in long-term relationships are seriously unhappy.

By the same token, some relationships that are very short-lived (measured in weeks or months) are extremely meaningful. They can have a profound impact on our lives and change us in important ways. Deep emotional connection sometimes happens really quickly. Also, shorter relationships can be more intense because you only ever knew that person in the passion phase, which typically declines the longer you’re together.

So let’s stop conflating relationship length with relationship quality. A longer relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve succeeded, and a shorter relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you failed or wasted your time.

*xed *xandpsychology

10/16/2025

What would you add?

Date | Date night | Dating | Relationships | Partners | Fun ideas