Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy

Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy đź’« Helping you have more secure and satisfying relationships
Certified s*x & relationship therapist
Order “Desire”

Here are two examples of what to say:“I was reading a few posts online that talked about this thing called the mental lo...
09/15/2025

Here are two examples of what to say:

“I was reading a few posts online that talked about this thing called the mental load and it really hit home for me. I’d like to discuss it with you. When is a good time for you over the next few days?”

“I was reading a few posts about the mental load online and I started to realize just how much you take care of. I’d like to talk about this with you to make sure things are feeling fair and not causing resentment.”

What other ideas do you have to bring up the topic of the mental load?

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

It’s not about 50/50, tit for tat, or quid pro quo. It’s about making sure that the division of labor feels fair to ever...
09/15/2025

It’s not about 50/50, tit for tat, or quid pro quo. It’s about making sure that the division of labor feels fair to everyone involved, according to Dr. John Gottman. What’s fair is subjective, so it’s a discussion and negotiation between two (or more) people in a relationship.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

Did I miss anything?Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalize...
09/14/2025

Did I miss anything?

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

The mental load is the constant effort, thought, and energy that goes into running a household, family, and/or relations...
09/14/2025

The mental load is the constant effort, thought, and energy that goes into running a household, family, and/or relationship. In cisgender, heteros*xual relationships, this role is statistically disproportionate, with women carrying much more of the load than their male partners.

What would you add to this list?

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

The mental load is the constant effort, thought, and energy that goes into running a household, family, and/or relations...
09/13/2025

The mental load is the constant effort, thought, and energy that goes into running a household, family, and/or relationship. In cisgender, heteros*xual relationships, this role is statistically disproportionate, with women carrying much more of the load than their male partners.

This is a significant social problem. It negatively impacts our mental health and relationships, including our s*x lives.

When the mental load doesn’t feel fair or balanced, it can breed resentment and exhaustion, both of which tend to be unhelpful for intimacy.

Addressing the mental load in relationships is important. It’s often one of a number of barriers to s*xual desire for many of the clients I work with.

I’ll post more about the mental load over the next few days.

Note: Of course there are partnerships that don’t fall into this norm. This post is to help inform and validate those who do.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

I have such mixed feelings about social media. On the one hand, there’s part of me that enjoys it. I have connected with...
09/12/2025

I have such mixed feelings about social media. On the one hand, there’s part of me that enjoys it. I have connected with wonderful people and learned a lot. On the other hand, there’s a lot of attention zapping, hate, and fakeness.

How are you navigating social media these days?

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

Social media content is not known for nuance. Things are often much more complex than they appear to be in a post. Here ...
09/11/2025

Social media content is not known for nuance. Things are often much more complex than they appear to be in a post. Here is part two of a previous post.

What’s some relationship content you’ve seen online that you’re cautious about?

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

Social media content is not known for nuance. Things are often much more complex than they appear to be in a post. What’...
09/10/2025

Social media content is not known for nuance. Things are often much more complex than they appear to be in a post.

What’s some relationship content you’ve seen online that you’re cautious about?

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

While pain with s*x can be common, s*x is not supposed to hurt (unless you want it to, which is not what we’re referring...
09/09/2025

While pain with s*x can be common, s*x is not supposed to hurt (unless you want it to, which is not what we’re referring to here).

Here are the names of some organizations to locate a s*xual medicine provider for evaluation:

issm.info
smsna.org
isswsh.org

For people with vu!vas, I recommend reading the book, When S*x Hurts by Goldstein, Pukall, Goldstein, and Krapf.

Note: I use trans inclusive language in my posts and practice. If this upsets you, feel free to scroll by or unfollow as needed. Trans exclusionary comments will be deleted and accounts may be blocked.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions. Please excuse the spelling. It’s to get around a medium that isn’t friendly to this type of educational content.

My most recommended book, by far, is Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski. Though it’s written for women, the content is...
09/09/2025

My most recommended book, by far, is Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski. Though it’s written for women, the content is useful for people of all genders. She writes in such an accessible way and covers so many areas of s*xual health.

If you want to learn more about desire, org*sms, how your body works, how to manage stress, this is my go-to.

Now I want to hear from you. 💬What’s a book you think everyone should read at least once? 📖

We are honored that so many people have told us this is the best book about desire that they have ever read.Filled with ...
09/08/2025

We are honored that so many people have told us this is the best book about desire that they have ever read.

Filled with evidence-based information and practical tools, Desire is a go-to resource for managing desire discrepancies in relationships.

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Maple Grove, MN
55311

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Tuesday 9am - 5pm
Wednesday 9am - 5pm
Thursday 9am - 5pm

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+16122762779

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