03/23/2026
In the ‘80s, Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver extended attachment theory to adult partnerships and found that we tend to adopt one of four predominant patterns of interaction:
1. Secure: This is when there’s comfort both with closeness and independence, the use of more effective or assertive communication, and a general trust of relationship stability. In times of stress, more secure people activate their attachment system (i.e., turn towards others for comfort in clear ways).
2. Anxious: This is when there are fears of abandonment, a strong need for reassurance, difficulty or discomfort with independence, and the use of less effective communication, often more aggressive or critical than assertive. In times of stress, more anxious people generally hyperactivate their attachment system (i.e., turn towards others in unclear or critical ways).
3. Avoidant: This is when there’s discomfort with emotional closeness, withdrawal or shutting down with distress, and more passive or absent communication. In times of stress, more avoidant people generally deactivate their attachment system (i.e., not turning towards others for comfort).
4. Disorganized (Introduced by Mary Main): This is when there’s both a need for closeness, but also a fear of it, difficulty trusting others, frequent emotional dysregulation, and a mix of less effective communication, such as aggressive and passive methods. In times of stress, more disorganized people tend to use a mix of hyperactivating and deactivating strategies to address attachment needs (i.e., turning towards others for comfort in unclear or critical ways and/or not turning towards others for comfort).
Caption continued in comments.
