12/15/2025
HOLIDAYS
Holidays can be a time of joyfulness, enjoying time with family or friends, and taking a break from our usual routines. They can also be stressful, especially when you feel there is so much to be done and you are carrying the weight of it. Cooking, cleaning, decorating, buying and wrapping gifts, and trips to the post office to mail them can all start to feel like way too much work.
For some people, the holidays can present an extra stress. It may be their first holiday season after a divorce or break up, so spending time alone has an added pressure. It may be their first holiday without their children, if the kids are going to the other parent's home. It may be a time where they more acutely mourn the loss of a loved one, whether they died recently or many years ago. Our emotions can be very complex at these times.
There is a lot of pressure to be happy during the holidays. It seems that everyone is singing holiday songs, wishing us a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or Happy Holidays. You may not actually feel happy! You may be going through stress at work, or a relationship problem, and just have no feelings of joy at all. That's okay. You feel whatever you feel and those feelings are valid.
Our brains may be telling us that everything must be perfect in order for it to be a good holiday celebration. But that's not reality. It's more important to take time for self-care, mindfulness, and stress reduction. Take time to decide what is most important to you and your loved ones for the special day. You can't do everything.(no matter how much you'd like to) You have limitations on your time, your energy, your finances, and other resources.
Finding a way to connect with others is important. Do you have a particular tradition for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or any other holiday you celebrate? Are there rituals for your holiday (such as lighting the candles on an Advent wreath or a Menorah) that are meaningful to you? If you aren't able to be with your family, a group of friends in the same situation may be able to join together to celebrate. If finances are tight, homemade gifts can be special as well as spending quality time with someone. Get together to cook a meal or plan a cookie recipe swap (everyone makes their favorite cookies and brings them to the gathering to share, along with a copy of their recipe). Spend some time helping others- serving a meal at a shelter, donating to a person in need, or participating in a toy drive for children.
It's helpful to be present in whatever experience you are having. Be in the moment no matter which type of holiday it is, who you might be with, where you are, and what you are doing. That may be easier said than done. It's a normal human impulse to compare real events to our dream of what we think they “should” be. Find a way to enjoy the current time just as it is. Enjoy the simple pleasures of that time by focusing on who we are spending the holiday with, or the flavors of the special foods, or the magical effect of holiday decorations. And don't forget to BREATHE!!
If you need a Marriage and Family Therapist for help with your stress and concerns, contact Martin Noel LMFT at 512-553-5141.
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