Hill Country Family Therapy

07/20/2025

DIVORCE

When two people get married, they are rarely thinking about getting divorced. They don't really know how their relationship will end up. Even when things go well, there can be minor arguments and miscommunications. And sometimes, there are much deeper incompatibilities that can't be resolved. They may go to therapy, they may try to adapt to each other's needs, but they can still end up with a broken relationship. It is a sad situation, but both parties are adults and they can move on with their lives separately.

Unfortunately, their children may have a much more difficult time. It may seem that their whole world has been destroyed. They don't know what to do and they may feel that it's never going to be okay again. They may express anger and other strong emotions. Some children may shut down and hide their feelings. If their parents are fighting or speaking badly about each other, it is extremely traumatic for the children.

Young children may have more temper tantrums or crying. They may show more fearfulness. Older children may alternate between being mad at one parent or the other, blaming them for the disruption of the family. They may avoid both parents for a while.

Parental divorce can also cause children to have school problems, trouble focusing in class, and not getting their work done. This is a major trauma in their lives, and studying math or history may not seem important at all.

When children experience the trauma of parental divorce, they may easily become distrustful. They may not believe that people will be truthful with them. They may not know who they can count on. They may feel abandoned. Even when you remind them that you love them and the divorce doesn't change that, they may not believe it all the time.

These feelings may lead to an overall distrust of other people and isolation which can affect their relationships even as adults. The process of overcoming these attachment issues can take a long time, even with good psychotherapy and support.

The emotional toll on children of divorce is terribly difficult. A good therapist, particularly one with experience with family issues and childhood trauma, is recommended, if at all possible. Having a way to deal with the big emotions they are feeling is extremely important to their mental health.

If you and your partner are divorcing, make a special effort to work with your children and help find a good therapist. Martin Noel, LMFT – Associate is a Marriage and Family Therapist who can work with your family during this difficult time. Dr. Cheryl Coldwater is a Pediatrician with a specialty in Pediatric Mental Health who may be able to help as well. Call us for more information.

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02/24/2025

DAYS LIKE THIS

Some days, you are running late for an appointment. Then you get stuck in traffic. When you finally get there, the staff want you to fill out all the paperwork you did on-line all over again!

You get to your work and the first client doesn't show up. Your next one does come, so you are glad to see them.

Just as you are getting ready to go home, you drop your phone and crack the screen. It is not repairable! You suddenly feel completely out of touch and miserable.

When you get home, your wife has ordered pizza and salad for dinner, and you try to relax and put the troubles and frustrations of the day aside.

The point of this is that Martin Noel's phone is broken and he can't be reached until the new one arrives. If you need to reach him, you can email him at martinnoel@hillcountryfamilytherapy.org or call/text 512-553-5141.

Some days are just like that!

10/19/2024

WHO CAN BENEFIT FROM MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPY?

Sometimes, our lives and relationships become complicated. Previous trauma comes up to the surface and starts affecting your feelings now. You may try to manage, think that you can just do it yourself, and it seems to get worse. Many of us feel that asking for help is being “weak”.

The truth is that we all need help from time to time. We need to be able to connect with each other, communicate our feelings, show our friends and family that we love them, and give ourselves opportunities for self-care.

Marriage and Family Therapy helps couples who need help communicating in their relationships, families who are having conflicts, and individuals who need some help working through problems in their lives. When it feels like things are overwhelming or not going as you had hoped, a therapist can really help.

They aren't there to “fix” you. You aren't broken; you just may need help dealing with a situation, explaining your feelings to someone, or showing you a different perspective. Years ago, when I was seeing my own therapist, I came in one day and said “I was really lazy last weekend. I didn't do anything productive”. And he said “So, you spent the weekend doing self-care. You rested and relaxed so you could get recharged for the new week. That sounds like a good thing”. I said, “That sounds a lot better when you say it that way!” He was right. I could have looked at it as a negative thing, but he showed me the positives in it. That's only one of the things that a therapist can do to help.

If you are having any struggles in your life (and who doesn't??), consider talking with a therapist. Martin Noel, LMFT-Associate is an experienced psychotherapist who specializes in helping people deal with trauma, past or present. If you want more information, contact him at a call at (512) 553-5141 for an appointment.

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07/06/2024

HOW DO YOU SEE THE WORLD?

Do you usually look at the world through rose-colored glasses? Do you expect the best in most people? Are you generally optimistic and believe that most things will turn out for the best?

Or, do you believe that most people are going to do the wrong things, until they prove otherwise? Are you generally pessimistic and have a strong belief in Murphy's Law (that things will usually turn out badly).

Do you think that all the people in a specific group are going to be the same? That you can easily tell who is “good” or “bad”?

An optimistic person sees good things everywhere, is generally confident and hopeful of what the future holds. From the optimist's point-of-view the world is full of potential opportunities. The pessimist, on the other hand, observes mainly the negative aspects of everything around.

Although, optimism and pessimism are polar opposites, mental health results from a healthy balance of the two. Too much optimism may cause a person to take excessive risks that may end up disastrously. Worrying too much about possible dangers may cause avoidant behavior and increased anxiety. We want to have the right balance in order to plan accordingly, assess risk, and have a certain degree of optimism that things will turn out okay.

One of the other factors we also connect with mental health is “Uncertainty Tolerance”. People who are able to accept more uncertainty (not really knowing what will happen) are likely to be healthier. Having a low tolerance can cause people to be more unhappy, since life is generally filled with uncertainties. Again, it's the balance that helps us the most. Trying to create stability in our lives (having regular routines, avoiding excessive drama, etc) can be healthy, but we also need to accept that changes will occur, that we can't predict everything that may happen. If we fight against every change, it causes more distress, since some of them are inevitable.

Strive to find a healthy balance for your own mental health.

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