01/09/2026
What they don't tell you is healing is really fu***ng hard. The word sounds like rainbows and butterflies but it's a freaking hella rollercoaster. One where you're strapped in, lose all control, flips you up and down and all which ways, and praying the end is near.
There are times when you don't recognize yourself or the world around you, you question your reality, and you wish you could go back to your old life. You ugly cry more times than you could ever imagine and it literally feels like your heart is breaking.
It will tear away pieces of you, you never knew existed and open your eyes to a world you've never seen before. It's lonely, so lonely because the experience is all yours. Words can't describe the enormity of it because it can't be talked out, it's deeply felt.
And it always hits you when you least expect it, a smack in the face you never saw coming. Another hand penetrating your chest and ripping out your heart to reconfigure and put back. If you think you can control the journey and outcome, you're absolutely wrong.
Funny enough, you get to the other side and say "I am so grateful for that experience." Except, it happens again and again and AGAIN... hopefully with more grace and awareness as you go.
What's true is that more and more of us are unknowingly being thrown into healing. If you're there, you're not alone. While I'd be happy to say that I'm on the other side of healing, we never are...even on the other side. I do know that with each healing blow, I feel it harder, move through the process quicker, and remember who I am more and more each day ❤️ With conscious awareness and consistency, you can too.