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Back to Love Doc

Do you want to know the science of love? I'm a psychologist and Relationship expert. Follow me for This is described as Attachment Theory.

Unlocking your love style is important because each of us loves differently in our romantic relationships. When you were growing up you learned many behaviors from the environment you were raised in and the people who raised you. Children attach in different ways to their caregivers, which creates your own unique form of attachment. This attachment shows up in the way you connect with partners, wh

at you need from your partners and how you rely on them. After completing my quiz you will receive your love style profile which will give you a list of your traits, strengths, and needs; a summary of what you bring to a relationship as well as what you need to be happy in a long term romantic relationship. In your profile, you will also receive a list of your blind spots or patterns that you might have less awareness of as well as suggestions for what you will need to consider to become a better partner in either your relationship or to have more success in dating.

11/13/2024

When your kids go off to college -they become adults, whether they appear to be or not.

In reality this can be a challenging transition for Mom who is an empty nester. But it can be challenging for your adult child too.

They had all the freedoms at school now Mom wants to know their whereabouts. It feels like a regression. How you welcome your adult home matters.

Thanksgiving might be the first home visit, one where you slip into old patterns of doing too much. Too much organizing, cooking, cleaning and questioning.

This post is a reminder Mama to treat your child like an adult. Allow space for new interactions but remember they were managing on their own at school, even if their room was messy.

Let me know what you are struggling with.

10/25/2024

Welcome to my podcast Reframing Midlife.

Because I'm talking every week about thinking about midlife differently I wanted to devote an episode to the psychological skill of reframing or changing your thoughts, in particular the negative, unhelpful thoughts.

I call it reframing and Dr Rachel calls it 'tweaking your thoughts' Changing unhelpful thoughts to more neutral ones is a core skill in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

CBT is one of the most well researched evidence based practices for mood, weight loss, body image and numerous other psychological issues.

Dr. Rachel was on twice -listen as she shares her experience.

In our episode we took a common thought that women have in midlife: 'I'm old, there is nothing I can do.' Together we show how to change that thought, which may not be helpful and will cause you to feel and act stuck. Your self talk becomes your reality unless you challenge it.

Change your mind-change your life.

My video is now available on You Tube and anywhere you listen to podcasts.

Follow for helpful tips on stress management, body image and hear her episode on

Leave Rachel some ❤️

10/05/2024

Week three round up for the Golden Bachelorette.

Which is your fav?

My You Tube video is up now!

10/03/2024

My new podcast episode about Gray Divorce is up on Apple and a video on You Tube.

I had the honor of interviewing three women on the topic. I call it the Good, the Bad and the Ugly as we discuss the pros and cons of divorce. How midlife did or didn't contribute to their divorce and advice each of these women would give to others who are struggling.

Let me know who you most relate to Cynthia, Maryam or Jenny?

I'm not advocating for marriage or divorce, rather what we can learn in our midlife relationships.

Comment Gray and I will send you the podcast link.

09/24/2024

Do you know the psychology of laughter?

In midlife humor is a lifeline. It keeps you grounded, connected to others and helps you gain perspective.

While some things are no laughing matter it's about finding the sweet spot between grace and self compassion.

Adding humor to the mix is when the magic happens.

Comment the word laugh and I will send you a link to my blog post.

09/19/2024

Last night was a huge success.

The memes were flying and the men were some of the sweetest we've seen. The group pickle ball and all the men congratulating for getting the first impression 🌹is what competition should look like.

From the limo entrances, the prune juice to the horses and cooking, there was not a dry eye in the house.

Let me know your favorite slide below!

I was blown away.

Thoughts?

04/26/2024

As a therapist, I often get this question: How do I know someone is 'the one' or if this is the right relationship? ⁠
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We often talk about our 'triggers.' The right person may still trigger you, but how the two of you handle the communication will be the tell-tale sign. ⁠
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For a healthy relationship, you cannot avoid communicating. ⁠
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Does communicating with your partner and feeling relaxed and safe bring compassion, curiosity, and closeness? ⁠
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You need to feel safe in your relationship to communicate your⁠
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👉🏻needs, ⁠
👉🏻wants, ⁠
👉🏻fears, ⁠
👉🏻boundaries ⁠
👉🏻and concerns. ⁠
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The right relationship will make you feel like sharing your vulnerabilities and insecurities, and vulnerability will be welcomed and make you feel closer. ⁠
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In contrast, if communicating with your partner causes you to shut down, withdraw, or fear that things will be used against you, your relationship is not sustainable. In this case, communicating your vulnerability makes your relationship worse. Beware.⁠
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How does communicating make you feel? ⁠
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Does communicating make you feel:

04/15/2024

This post is a reminder to be authentically yourself. The problem is that too many people feel a certain level of shame about who they are, so they pretend to be someone they are not to fit in. ⁠
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Blindsides happen in two main ways. ⁠
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1. You have an anxious or Nervous attachment style. On some level, you worry that you are too much, too needy, too clingy. You think that by presenting yourself as an independent type, you will be hurt less. You suppress your need for connection and present yourself as calm and with minimal needs. ⁠
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2. You are an avoidant or independent type but pretend to be a secure type. You don't like that people see you as mysterious or complicated to read; you compensate by being attentive and emotionally available. You might even tell partners you had an idyllic childhood or are close to your family. In reality, you don't know what being close means. ⁠
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This happens subconsciously; people present themselves as they ideally would like to be. Then, the blindside happens over time; when stressed, our attachment needs come to the surface. ⁠
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Under Stress: ⁠
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1. The anxious person craves connection, their attachment fears get activated, and they fear abandonment and rejection, so they need more reassurance.⁠
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2. The avoidant feels crowded and needs time alone to process, they worry they are loosing their independence so start to question the relationship if it is not perfect. ⁠
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The only problem is that you presented yourself as someone you are not, so your partner is confused. Who are you? ⁠
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And here's the thing: secure functioning people don't feel any shame or embarrassment. They speak their truth and ask for what they need. ⁠
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It's important to know who you are. Don't pretend to be someone you are not. ⁠
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Fitting in is not the goal; the goal is to be who you are authentically. ⁠
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Not sure what your attachment style is?⁠
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Comment with the word QUIZ, and I will send you my free quiz. ⁠

In two minutes, you will know your attachment style. ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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04/06/2024

Control the things you can!

Drop me a ❤️ or 🤣 if you can relate

03/29/2024

This post is not my usual therapy post but I've seen funny memes about voodoo doll, and because today is Funny Friday, I wanted to explore this topic further. ⁠
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Out of respect and a lack of knowledge about the use of voodoo dolls, I had to look into what is behind the meaning. ⁠
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As it turns out, there are two distinct theories, ⁠
1. The use of Voodoo dolls is a myth made famous by works of fiction and Hollywood movies.⁠
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2. For those who believe in “Voodoo,” it is a genuine thing, and it is the primary religion in Haiti. You can confirm as much with a simple Google search⁠
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While voodoo dolls have been notorious for revenge-seeking and for inflicting pain on someone that you are not happy with, they can also be used to influence positive outcomes. Who knew? ⁠
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For Kelsey, I imagine her voodoo doll was a cute way to stand during her limo entrance. Voodoo dolls are symbolic of New Orleans. Joey had his 1:1 with Charity in New Orleans, so the doll was very appropriate. ⁠
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But before you go out and make a doll for your recent crush, understand that dolls have a lot of meaning for some people, and using such a doll has ethical implications. Are you influencing someone unnecessarily or interfering with free will? ⁠
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Also, be careful of how you dispose of such a doll. I've heard suggestions of leaving it in a drawer and not disturbing it, drowning the doll deep in the ocean, and taking the doll apart rather than burning it. ⁠
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What do you think of Voodoo dolls?⁠
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1. Fact⁠
2. Fiction ⁠⁠⁠⁠
🌹 ⁠

03/28/2024

The finale of Joey's season as The Bachelor had so many beautiful moments- it was hard to choose just one. ⁠
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The surprise ending wasn't the most dramatic, but it was unique in all the right ways. Could it be that the positivity from the women of has successfully transferred to The Bachelor?
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Looking for the lessons we can learn in Love is it possible that Joey, Kelsey and Daisy are all secure people?

Daisy has a gut intuition that something is wrong. She understands that if Joey were going to pick her, she wouldn't be feeling so much ambiguity and anxiety. She leans into her intuition. Daisy says that doing the right thing is often hard. She walks herself out, which is a queen move. ⁠
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The happy couple relishes knowing that they are both lucky and that their relationship is 'easy.' These are good words to describe a relationship that feels right for both people. ⁠
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Which slide is your favorite? ⁠
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Check out my longer video, in stories, and the link to my bio. ⁠⁠⁠⁠
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03/21/2024

This post is for people in dating and relationships. ⁠
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One of the chief complaints about dating is that the process leaves you feeling flat and unimportant. Your date talks only about themselves and what they want, not asking you a thing about yourself or wanting to explore the intersection of who you are and who they are to assess fit. ⁠
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In relationships, partners can also get quite defensive; feedback feels like an attack or a suggestion that they are failing you. The impact is that their partner feels dismissed.⁠
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Either way, the lack of curiosity is killing dating and relationships. ⁠
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The phrase Curiosity Killed the Cat is wrong. ⁠
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Possible reasons why people aren't more Curious? ⁠
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In dating apps, it's all about us. What do I want? We seldom are asked to think about the other person. ⁠
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If we grew up in insecure homes, we rarely experienced people being curious about us. ⁠
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Most people are insecure; no wonder it's hard to feel heard. ⁠
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Therapist note: You can't change others; you can only change yourself. ⁠
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Try being more curious today. ⁠
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Leave me a heart if you agree. ⁠
Thoughts? ⁠
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Doctor Diane

I’m a licensed psychologist a dating and relationship expert. I work with singles to find love and couples to enhance their love.

I’ve created my own style of therapy that helps people figure out who they are in their relatinships and I give them therapy tools specfici to your type to help you find love.

You became who you are now in your relationships as a result of your past. Your relationship with your parents and your past romantic relationships. Your attachment style along with your communication style make up what I call your Love Style. Your Love Style will predict who you connect with a long term partner, what you need in your relationships and the blind spots you have. Take my Love Style quiz @ secure in love today to find out your Love Style.