dr.monterroso

02/02/2022

The truth about having your child’s back.
We get upset at children when they handle situations they are uncomfortable with in a way that “isn’t okay.” What people fail to realize, is it is not just about teaching them to say “stop.” It’s about jumping in and managing it with them so they can begin to trust the process and trust you.

Let’s take an example: I had a child once who was being purposely bothered by an adult in their life. They found it humorous to bother the child as it was a joke. The four year old child kept saying “stop stop stop,” and the adult thought it was funny so they kept on going. Eventually the child managed it in a childish way which was to then push the adult. The adult then stopped and the parent said “you can’t hit” and reprimanded the child.

In that moment what that child learned that drastic measures will get people to stop.

What needed to happen in that moment was for the parent to realize that someone was bothering the child and the child was attempting to manage it by pushing them off, telling them to stop, whining, or grunting. At that moment the adult should’ve jumped in, told the child what to say, and then proceeded to manage the situation to ensure that it wasn’t occurring anymore after the child said that they didn’t want it to happen anymore. This teaches them “if I verbalize what I need then the people around me will take it seriously and I don’t need to react. It also builds a trust between the child and parent to know that if there’s a situation that the child feels they could not manage they can come to the parent and the parent will manage it for them and make sure that they’re not remaining in an uncomfortable situation just because an adult feels like it.

Yes we should teach our children how to react. But let’s be honest, sometimes a child can express themselves clearly or even walk away and it won’t solve the problem. Sometimes the reaction isn’t taken seriously and that’s when a parent needs to step in and take action. Often, this is managed in a child like way, because they are children and that shouldn’t be their job in those moments.
💭Food for thought, what do you think?

01/28/2022

Have you ever said “if you don’t XYZ, I’m going to take away your iPad!”
The problem is that it sends the message that you were standing in between what they want. 🤨 However that’s not the message that we want to send the children.
We want them to know that ✨their action✨ is with standing in their way of getting what they want. If we can build that connection with a child then the parents often don’t need to discipline as the natural consequence will come to play.
What kind of relationships do you see play out with your children?
Example:
1) if you finish your morning routine then you can have TV. If you don’t do your morning routine then there’s no TV.
2) when you finish your chores then you can go outside. If you wanna go outside and the chores need to be done

01/27/2022

Be there for your child, protecting them against even themselves. Threatening children with the reality of the consequences can be too overwhelming for children sometimes. We want to encourage children to change their behaviors in order to protect them from real consequences but we don’t need to do it so directly.

Don’t let your message get distracted.

01/25/2022

Reacting. Sometimes we react to children in hopes of helping them learn or prevent them from running into the difficulties of the world. We want to protect our children by stopping bad habits that they may be engaging in so that they won’t get bullied or people will decide not to be their friends.
The intention is great, however the delivery might need a little bit of help. As I’ve mentioned before children are very in the moment creatures and it’s difficult for them to truly understand the bigger picture. Though the first statement has valid information, the bluntness of it may be distracting for children and they may miss interpret the meaning of what you’re saying.
How might you rephrase the initial reaction?

01/24/2022

Do you have something to heal from that influences how you are with you’re children now?
We often think that we need therapy only when something is happening to us personally. Very rarely do people realize that the situation’s of our past often influence how we interact with people, including our children. Going to therapy to heal so that you can be an even better parent can be a beautiful and difficult experience.
That’s why I created our parent support group. It was more than just Supporting each other through managing behavioral issues or through cheering each other on, it includes acknowledging the past experiences that might be influencing your interactions with your children today.
Have you ever thought of going to therapy?

01/22/2022

Your child ever bang the fork and you look at them and tell them to stop…and then they keep doing it? You find yourself repeating it over and over.

Here are some tips when your child won’t stop something you have already said they need to stop!

1️⃣ We do not want to be condescending. We want to speak in a natural, clear manner. Where our tone does not become the distraction
2️⃣ Acknowledge that it shouldn’t be happening
3️⃣ STOP IT from happening again. Move the object, change the situation. Don’t give them a space to do again and potentially fail.
What something your child has done that you ask them 100x to stop? Share below! ⬇️

01/19/2022

How did you develop who you are as a parent? We forget to ask the questions to grow insight on the things that influence the foundations of who we are as parents. We judge our bad moments, but do you have enough insight to change it?
What’s the hardest question to answer? Tell me below! ⬇️

01/18/2022

What’s personal play time? Devoted individual time where a child can relax, play, read, or engage in any activity on their own (safely). This gives you the quiet moment you may need without it being misinterpreted as the child being a “bother.” It’s important to develop this time early so your child increases their sense of independent play. This will make them less dependent on you for entertainment, giving you more time for yourself!

How we speak to children shapes what they believe. Children do not process our words with higher thinking, understanding intentions and potential meanings. They often hear what we say and develop their own meaning which can bleed into their development of self. We want to be mindful of our words and set our children up for success.

01/17/2022

A Parents Love; A complex and innate feeling which drives us to care for these vulnerable humans. Whether biological or by choice, love is no easy task. It’s a choice we must make in the moment where our blood boils, where we feel disrespected, where we doubt our actions and seek help. Love is mindful, choosing, and consistent. You can love through hardship, messing up, and moving through this thing we call life.

What do define as a parents love?

01/16/2022

Parenting came with no manual. You are to be a confident parent in all your decisions, without ever truly knowing what to do. You are to manage your temper while raising children who will be productive and functional humans.

These online courses are designed to be easy, accessible and filled with information to help guide you through this thing we call “parenting.”

More information coming soon!

If any of these course interest you, stop a 🙋🏽‍♀️

01/15/2022

We build our confidence in moments where we do not know what to do. It’s the ability to trust a decision based on your knowledge, wisdom, your experience, and even the support of others. These experiences builds the trust in ourselves and trust that in the future we will be able to make a decision that leads to the desired outcome (there’s no “right” decision).

Parents always wonder what’s the best thing to do for our children. Unfortunately there’s no right answer. There’s many answers with the results having potential for greatness and some for chaos. Unfortunately we often only know the results of our decisions after we make them.

So how do we build our confidence?

1. Build a solid decision making system. Build one that you can vet and know all efforts were inputted in order to get the best results.

2. Know how you’re influenced. Be mindful to what’s influencing you. We’re often influenced by social media, comments of friends, and many unreliable sources. Know that something that doesn’t work for somebody else might work beautifully for you, and vice versa.

3. Know your intentions. Knowing if the decision is for you or for your child can help you feel confident that you’re making the best decision while considering the best interest of your children, not your own. (Aka, you have to do the work and make sure past traumas aren’t influencing you negatively).
How do you build confidence?

01/15/2022

11/22/2021

Unconditional love can be a toxic idea.
It makes us believe we must except all that comes with a person. But what if that person is toxic? What if that person is dealing with unresolved issues so deep that it influences the interactions in our relationship. What if being together is not what you needed at this time? Can I love you enough to let you go?
This doesn’t only go with the idea of a spouse or a partner. This can also be the same thing with friends. It’s important to set boundaries and engage in ways that feed our soul. We need to be in relationships where grace, patience, kindness, and love reside. We’re going to mess up, and it’s great when we have a loved one, a friend or a family member that chooses to love us despite our flaws.
But when do these flaws become too much? When is it OK for us to walk away, put up walls, and protect our hearts? Can I love you unconditionally and allow forgiveness to flow as deep as rivers, while still allowing the natural shifts of the relationship to flow, walk away from toxic traits, or let you know when you hurt me.
Is love the act of allowing all to be done to us?

11/19/2021

Wow. A pretty wise 20 year old, posting this gem.
We live in this idea that love is this big feeling. We chase a feeling over and over hoping to find roots but all we find is leaves in the wind. Having a partner can sometimes be painful, as we grow towards each other. That’s why I always say that love isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice someone makes every day to move towards the other person integrating their lives and one day looking back and realizing you’re just one tree.
So why are there times where you look at your partner and think that separation is the best option? Often because we move so quickly in the burning flames of love, we don’t realize that these two should not have ever been one. So once you intertwined you then realize the two lasted to long. Filled with the waters of attempted survival, your rotted roots indicate you have to separate in order to survive.