Abiding Grace Counseling

02/17/2025

“My mother never told me she loved me.”
“My mother only knows how to criticize me.”
“I feel like my mother regrets having me.”
“My mother is ashamed of me.”
“My mother told me that she wishes I was never born!”
“ I feel like my mom loves my siblings more than me.”
“I don’t know what I did to my mother. I’m so confused and hurt! I’m broken!”
“Me and my mom just can’t get along.”
“Me and my mom never made peace until she died.”
“I think my mom hates me!”

These are words I’ve heard over my years of doing therapy.

If you have unresolved issues with your mother, this is a book to help you heal. It is written based on the Empty Chair intervention from Gestalt therapy.

The empty chair method provides clients the opportunity to release painful feelings by having a desired conversation with an imagined person or thing sitting in the chair. This is usually someone with whom, or something that they have unresolved issues with. Sometimes the client talks to the person or thing, and other times the client takes on the role of the other person and responds to themselves. In this book, I take the place of that person.

The Empty Chair is a powerful tool for fostering emotional release and promoting a deeper understanding of oneself or others involved in the issue. It helps to bring clarity and insight to confusing and severely damaged relationships.

It is my hope that this book will free you from any pain that you may feel because of your relationship with your mother.

I look forward to hosting many processing groups with women who need to heal from their relationships with their mothers!

This is your year to enjoy emotional health! Grab your copy on Amazon, now! Link below ⬇️

https://a.co/d/esPY1rU

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Florida. Married for 22 years. 3 daughters. specializes in Attachment and Trauma work (EMDR). Serving individuals & couples.

02/04/2025

Irritable Depression. 🧠

People are not angry without reason or without pain and suffering.

Society has a way of dismissing people who experience anger because it makes us feel uncomfortable. The truth is that the “angry person” feels uncomfortable too.

For most people (even health professionals) when depression is mentioned their minds go to sadness, feelings of hopelessness (that’s a big one), lack of concentration, lack of motivation (another major clue), low self-confidence or low self-esteem, etc. All symptoms listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Folks rarely think about anger, yet, one reason your partner may be displaying anger often, is irritable depression. Most people find it difficult to believe that irritability aligns with depression, but it does.

Dr. Maurizio Fava, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and professor at Harvard Medical School says he doesn’t understand why irritability (reduced control over one’s temper resulting in angry outbursts) is listed as a core symptom of depression for children and adolescents, but not for adults. He asks “Why would someone who happens to be irritable and angry when depressed as an adolescent suddenly stop being angry at age 18?”

I would push his argument further and say what is there to prevent an adult who’s struggling with low-confidence/self-esteem from being irritable and even angry? Wouldn’t you be frustrated and angry to see others feeling confident about life while you don’t? Think about it.

It’s easy for depression to kick in, especially when life isn’t going so well. Pay attention to your partner’s mood and behavior. Try not to be dismissive; be curious instead.

Not every slammed door, shut down, scream, or thrown object is due to someone being “bipolar,” which is a common term used when anger is often displayed in relationships. Sometimes, it is a sign of depression. It is due to irritability that your partner is struggling to manage.

Be patient, be curious, be kind, be supportive. Seek professional help with your partner. Things could get better❤️🙏🏾

Credit:npr.org

01/16/2025

💛“I’m here for you whenever you are ready to share.”

💛“We are dealing with a lot right now. How can we support each other?”

💛“I don’t want to hurt you, and I know that you do want to hurt me. Could we go for a walk and talk a little bit?”

💛“I understand how you can feel that way. This is a very hard topic to discuss. Maybe we should take a break and try again in the evening when we are more relaxed.”

💛“You don’t have to worry about my love for you. You’re safe with me. Let’s not allow fear to disturb our peace and love for each other.”

01/16/2025

Are you struggling to communicate with your partner?

Do you feel like your spouse doesn’t understand you?

Do you wish you felt more connected to your spouse?

Here is your opportunity to learn new skills to improve communication, understanding and connection in your marriage.

Sign up today. Use the link below ⬇️

https://themarriageteam.net/

Couples come to see me because they feel discouraged, sad, angry, frustrated, afraid, and even hopeless. They want to experience a relationship where there is trust, and intimacy. They want to be friends. They want to laugh, play, and experience the good and bad together, as a team.

01/15/2025

The first place we ever experience EMOTIONAL INTIMACY is with our parents/parent. We feel completely safe opening up to them with words, body language (maybe a look or shoulders raised, etc), or simply quietly sitting beside them.

Emotional Intimacy is very fulfilling, because we feel SEEN for who we truly are. Emotional Intimacy is ONLY possible when the other person (or people) seeks to know us and not through judgment of us. When they spend time understanding us rather than looking for something to criticize. Highly critical parents breed anxious children.

If we don’t experience Emotional Intimacy with our parents, we grow a sense of distrust for the world. Not that we can never be intimate with other people, but that it takes INTENTIONALITY for that to happen.

We must first become aware of our doubts in others’ ability to be truly there for us. Then we must work on the root of our insecurities and distrust. Then we must push past our fears and give others the opportunity to prove us wrong or right. If they prove us right, then we make a decision on the type of relationship we want to have with them. If they prove us wrong, we’ve found a relationship that can help us heal! What a blessing!