12/05/2025
I started Interna almost 3 years ago now. I still haven’t picked a title. Nothing feels right. I used “founder” for a while. It never rang true because I always felt like the folx here found me.
I left my old job almost 2 years ago now. They gave me my first “big kid” title. It never felt right. I never really fit in there. I was always too much. Too many ideas, too generous to staff, too ambitious, too big of a jump, too much involving the community for not enough profit
It felt like rejection at the time. Why didn’t they like my ideas? Why didn’t they want more for the staff? Are they right about me?
I dipped my toe back into putting myself out there. A volunteer position. I was fine with the title of volunteer. It felt accurate to what drives me. I love jumping into something and trying to make things better. But I’m finding I still didn’t fit in. The same themes are there. I’m too much. I’m too ambitious. I’m not following the rules. I’m competition.
I think I’m seen as a threat, an annoyance, an unwelcomed outlier,when an organizations leadership is there to protect profit only and uphold weird capitalistic rules that haven’t made sense for 20, hell 30 years. I don’t think most leaders even know what they are protecting or why. They just have a deep desire for the “other” to get in line and comply.
I thrive at Interna because I didn’t find the folx here. They found me. They don’t think my crazy dreams are too much. They don’t have to worry about the risk when they want to try a new thing. They don’t worry about the rules because we are making new ones all together. maybe that’s pretty damn close to feeling like I belong.
I hadn’t picked a title yet because nothing rang true. Audrey said Chief Executive Wizard in our staff meeting. So I have a new title and it found me. That feels like enough for now.
