Diane Mouradian, LMFT, TF CBT

11/21/2025

And So Passes The Dark Night Of The Soul…

This is not a morbid tale. On the contrary…this dark night of the soul has a silver lining. Stay with me.

My fifties were marked by moments of deep grief and loss. A shadow came, seemingly, out of nowhere and lingered for quite a while. Grief and Loss for a variety of reasons - the deaths of my mom, my closest friend Sandra, and our family pets Molly, Whiskers and Zelda, as well as the end of a decades’ long career. Amidst these moments, my son went off to college. And then there was the descent into perimenopause with a host of unsettling health challenges that lasted for several years…To round out this unmooring, I moved from a place that I’d lived since first coming to California some twenty years earlier.

I felt like life was over, as if there was nothing to look forward to, and a fatigue settled over me that I couldn’t explain. I became uncharacteristically sleepy. Sometimes, I would close my eyes for “five minutes” and wake up hours later. Hormonal? Emotional? Both? I cried many tears in that decade, for different reasons…sometimes, silently, railing at what felt like loss of control and predictability. I was scared. Life as I knew it was ending.

I share this because I know that many others have experienced equally dark nights…and, in these shared experiences, is commonality and community.

Oftentimes, when I need to ground myself, I pull out my printout of the Dual Process Model for Grieving. Healthy grieving as a two step process: a loss orientation (backward looking) and a restoration orientation (forward looking). Looking back is essential, to honor what has been lost, and looking forward is hopeful, to create a vision for the future.

Amidst the rabble of what I was dismantling, shoots of Growth, Change, Opportunity and Creativity emerged. This included a new career path, a new home, a new way of relating to my now adult son, a new dog and a new relationship. I use the word “new” emphatically and on purpose to underscore the fact that beginnings are possible at ANY age.

Surprisingly, after all the tearing down that has taken place, I have found myself in a season of building. Something I hadn’t expected. William Bridges speaks to this creation phase in one of my favorite books, The Way of Transitions. Beginnings following endings…seemingly, self-evident but not easy to identify in the midst of the dark night. Some of those dark moments are increasingly hazy now, despite how very raw they were at the time.

In bringing this reflection to a close, I honor the backbone that existed while I was dismantling: steadfast family and friends, a purpose driven orientation, a great therapist and a strong faith that things can/do improve with tenacity and hope.

-I wonder what dark nights of the soul you might have experienced?
-How have you processed loss while also envisioning your future?
-What support system do you have in place?

https://throughmymindseyeblog.com/2025/11/21/and-so-passes-the-dark-night-of-the-soul/

11/15/2025

Under 18years of age is a child - no ifs ands or buts about it - a child

673.4K likes, 20.8K comments. “Here’s a reminder from an actual 14 year old about what a child even IS. If adults are out here debating the “acceptable age” of abuse, then kids aren’t the ones who need to grow up. ✨sources✨ https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/2256 https://apnews...

11/12/2025

I feel very anxious when faced with anything technical or mechanical, ie anything to do with my computer or car. My thoughts start to race and I feel myself shut down. The story I tell myself is that I’m not good at understanding anything technical. (stories don’t have to be true to be powerful) So, it’s no surprise that I experienced a lot of resistance when presented with the opportunity to use an AI notetaker in my psychotherapy practice....

I feel very anxious when faced with anything technical or mechanical, ie anything to do with my computer or car. My thoughts start to race and I feel myself shut down. The story I tell myself is th…

11/12/2025

Oh My, AI!

I feel very anxious when faced with anything technical or mechanical, ie anything to do with my computer or car. My thoughts start to race and I feel myself shut down. The story I tell myself is that I’m not good at understanding anything technical. (stories don’t have to be true to be powerful)

So, it’s no surprise that I experienced a lot of resistance when presented with the opportunity to use an AI notetaker in my psychotherapy practice. Note transcription, note synthesis, after-session summary for charting and post-session client communication…theoretically, it all sounds wonderful!

For me, Resistance = I’m feeling scared and intimidated. Instinct = Run Away. Hide my head in the sand…At the same time, I see resistance as a challenge because I don’t want to avoid something out of fear. So, I decided to take a leap and try the AI tool. I promised myself that if I didn’t like it or it wasn’t what I needed I could always go back to taking notes the traditional way. Made it more palatable for myself…nothing to lose…

Dialing it forward, I’ve now been using different AI platforms for six months, in both English and Spanish. Being an end-user has been surprisingly easy…no stress or hand wringing. None of what I was scared of…(take note: the pitfall of anticipatory anxiety vs reality)

The tool has improved the quality of my life and that of my clients, something that I hadn’t even considered. I’ve saved time, without relinquishing quality or responsibility. And, I’m not embarrassed to admit that, in many instances, the output is actually better than what I, myself, could have produced (in terms of time savings and content).

Of course, the output requires my review and intermittent modification but, overall, is impressive. And, periodic down time happens so being able to pivot to manual note is a possibility. What I find fascinating is that the systems are evolving…I can see it in the ever improving quality of the notes.

I want to add this: I don’t feel replaced. My ego hasn’t taken a hit. I say this purposely because it could feel like a machine is doing the job of a human and, to some degree, that is very true. But, for me, this is a Winning Hand, allowing me to focus on clients while technology acts as the interpreter - translator. A win overall…

To sum it up:
-Was I scared? Yes
-Am I glad I challenged my resistance? Yes
-Have I benefited? Yes

This is not an endorsement of a product but, rather, of the willingness to try something new and outside of our comfort zone. Resistance is a signal not a barrier, unless we allow it to be. It’s an opportunity to listen and learn about what’s making us uncomfortable. That is valuable information. We can’t solve a problem if we don’t know what the problem is.

Is there an opportunity that scares you but could also represent a possible gain for you? What could you do to challenge the resistance that you feel?

Like Wayne Gretzky said, “you miss 100% of the shots you never take.”

https://throughmymindseyeblog.com/2025/11/12/oh-my-ai/

11/05/2025

First Time Eyes

I just returned from a weekend in Nashville and, without doubt, it was one of the best trips I’ve ever taken.

Clearly, Nashville is THE seat of country music. Am I a country music enthusiast? No, not at all. My knowledge of country music is so very limited that I was certain that it would be an opportunity to experience something completely new. And that’s what I wanted. To enjoy being a total newbie.

The Country Music Hall of Fame and the Johnny Cash Museums were true gems - highlighting music, artists, stories, instruments, wardrobes, memorabilia…spanning a hundred years of country music history.

We even enjoyed a night at the Grand Ole Opry. A historic venue with a famed stage that has launched the careers of so many artists. Again, an experience outside of my daily frame of reference but, now, is one for the books. And maybe that’s why…something totally new that sparked my novice appreciation.

I had a similar rush (but for a different reason) at Andrew Jackson’s Hermitage. I’ll admit that I had some preconceived notions/concerns about possible glorification of history (or sanitizing of it). My knowledge was limited and my apprehension was high. Not the best combination…

Thankfully, I was wrong. I got to see reality - the good, the bad and the ugly…from Jackson’s positive contribution towards a new type of government representation to his regrettable participation in slave ownership and Indian removal. And the messaging was explicit: we can’t ignore the parts of history that we don’t like or don’t want to see. We must look at it all if we want to learn and evolve.

To be a novice - in Nashville - at 61 was revitalizing. To feel that spark of newness….to feel a sense of wonder…to learn and feel my frame of reference expand. I got what I was hoping for…

So, as Marcel Proust said, “the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new vistas but in having new eyes.” Here’s to turning towards and learning from what we don’t know and/or don’t like. That’s where hope for change resides. That’s where our own growth lies.

What do you think? Have you had similar ah-ha moments?

https://throughmymindseyeblog.com/2025/11/05/first-time-eyes/

10/27/2025

Having a heart while having some edge is a life skill that takes development. While there are likely prettier ways to phrase it, having an edge is the phrase that feels right. For me, an edge means a boundary, a line in the sand, a no fly zone. Without doubt, early in my life, I didn’t even know it was necessary to have an edge....

Having a heart while having some edge is a life skill that takes development. While there are likely prettier ways to phrase it, having an edge is the phrase that feels right. For me, an edge means…

10/27/2025

An Edgy Heart

Having a heart while having some edge is a life skill that takes development. While there are likely prettier ways to phrase it, having an edge is the phrase that feels right. For me, an edge means a boundary, a line in the sand, a no fly zone.

Without doubt, early in my life, I didn’t even know it was necessary to have an edge. I didn’t know that I needed to show up in different ways at different times. I learned the hard way, like most of us, and maybe that’s THE way we learn about this skill. From life itself…whether we’re prepared or not…

I think back about my lived experiences, some happy, many exciting, others sad, confusing, even intimidating and a few truly scary…how they shaped my personality over time…sometimes showing up as light and carefree, other times energetic, loving, tenacious, worried, salty and, at times, really really tough.

I imagine we are all multifaceted in this sense, having had a range of experiences that morph into a range of thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Coupled with how our genetics impact our temperament…

Some reactions are adaptive…tailoring themselves to the situation at hand. Some reactions are maladaptive…they don’t fit with what’s happening, like when we’re tough but the situation doesn’t warrant it…or being open when we need to have stronger boundaries. For sure, this is a simplistic illustration but I offer it to set a basic context.

And, to be clear, maladaptive isn’t a judgement or an indictment either but, rather, a reflection on our skills and whether or not our actions/reactions align with the situation at hand. The key is adaptation. Scanning the environment and deciding how best to show up…

This can sound so easy but, in reality, can be so very hard. First and foremost, do we even have the skills to handle what’s happening right now? Second, and without doubt, how we, oftentimes, carry the residue of our past into our present whether it’s warranted or not.

I haven’t always gotten it right. At times, I’ve been too soft and, at others, too tough. The rearview mirror is a great place to observe that. What I find now, though, is that when I slow down (if I catch myself) I have more time to calibrate my actions/reactions. How I use my history, on behalf of my present and future, requires a lot of thought, as well as attunement to who and what surrounds me and how I need/want to show up.

Having a bank of experiences and the knowledge that comes from them is like a treasure chest, especially if we are good stewards of that deep wisdom. We can sift through that chest and pick out what seems appropriate for the situation at hand. What does life want from us right here, right now? And how do we want to show up? The beauty of it all is that, more often than not, we have the power to decide.

https://throughmymindseyeblog.com/2025/10/27/an-edgy-heart/

10/13/2025

What bothers me about cliches is that, oftentimes, they sound so cheesy while, at the same time, are so true. Someone, somewhere, identified an experience and attached some pithy words to it which we can then relate to…sometimes begrudgingly. Here’s my love-hate relationship with a particular cliche: write your own story. The sound of this both bothers and inspires me. …...

What bothers me about cliches is that, oftentimes, they sound so cheesy while, at the same time, are so true. Someone, somewhere, identified an experience and attached some pithy words to it which …

10/13/2025

Who Doesn’t Love A Good Cliche?

What bothers me about cliches is that, oftentimes, they sound so cheesy while, at the same time, are so true. Someone, somewhere, identified an experience and attached some pithy words to it which we can then relate to…sometimes begrudgingly.

Here’s my love-hate relationship with a particular cliche: write your own story. The sound of this both bothers and inspires me.

“Write your own story” means that I have the power to author my experience of life. How wonderful! What this also means is that I have the power to author my experience of life. Such hard work!

Note: My experience of life is how I frame and respond to events. Not the events themselves…sometimes, they are out of our control.

Many times I’ve said to myself “that’s just how I am” regarding the way I think about or react to things. As I reflect on this comment, I can convince myself (if I let it) that just like my hair or eye color, the shape of my face or my height…that this is just how I am.

But I know, if I’m being honest with myself, that my perspective of myself, others and the world has been taught and/or learned…and, therefore, can be untaught, unlearned, and replaced by what’s true now…based on new information as well as a broader perspective of the world. I get to update my story. Not revise history but, rather, reconsider how my past influences my present and can shape my future, depending on how I choose to apply it.

At this stage in my life, I feel like I’m in my reflections era - not to sound like a Swiftie - and my script is changing in some areas, staying the same in other areas and waiting to emerge in others of which I’m not yet aware.

All in all, knowing that the script, ie the way I look at things, can change then presents me with a choice. Do I want to make a change? And, if so, what am I willing do to make it happen? There’s no right or wrong answer just an acknowledgment that either way is a choice. We can convince ourselves that we don’t have a choice but, when we stop and think it out, more often than not we do have a choice. Again, a blessing and a burden…

So if you think back to your origins and reflect on your path, how has your story evolved? How have you evolved? Do you have a “this is just who I am” belief? And, is it in sync with the reality of where you are now? Have you updated your script?

https://throughmymindseyeblog.com/2025/10/13/who-doesnt-love-a-good-cliche/

09/30/2025

I love polka dots. Big, small, black, white, multi-colored. I don’t know why. I just do. They’re so happy and brighten my mood. When I come upon them I feel my heart do a little dance. Weird? Maybe. True? Definitely. Life is complex and, at times, can feel very challenging (like now, for example) so turning towards something simple and joyful is like a balm…a welcome haven....

I love polka dots. Big, small, black, white, multi-colored. I don’t know why. I just do. They’re so happy and brighten my mood. When I come upon them I feel my heart do a little dance. Weird? Maybe…

09/30/2025

From Chaos Come Polka Dots

I love polka dots. Big, small, black, white, multi-colored. I don’t know why. I just do. They’re so happy and brighten my mood. When I come upon them I feel my heart do a little dance. Weird? Maybe. True? Definitely.

Life is complex and, at times, can feel very challenging (like now, for example) so turning towards something simple and joyful is like a balm…a welcome haven. It’s an opportunity to refocus and find respite…a chance for the brain and heart to rest for a bit and swell with joy. Simplicity can foster calm because we don’t have to work at it. We can just receive and be in it and one with it.

When I was little, I loved The Sound of Music and daydreamed of being Maria Von Trapp. Full of sass and ready to face a challenge. Remember when she sang My Favorite Things?

“when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad…I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad…”

For Maria, it was drain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens…for me, it’s polka dots. Oh, and right now, it’s Mars the baby hippo in Kansas and Fat Bear Week contenders in Katmai Park. Pure joy… Maybe simplistic but true, nonetheless.

At those moments when things feel overwhelming, looking for simplicity, joy and calm is a self care strategy. Something to make the soreness go away, albeit temporarily…

What makes you happy? What are your favorite things?

https://throughmymindseyeblog.com/2025/09/30/from-chaos-come-polka-dots/

09/22/2025

I Was Told There Would Be Shish Kebab

Saturday was the annual Armenian food festival in San Francisco. It has become our yearly tradition, an opportunity to celebrate and savor my cultural background.

From the moment I got out of the car, I felt my emotions stirred up. I’m not sure how to describe it. I’ve really been in my feelings lately, with all of the heaviness in the world, so I guess I’d say I was feeling very sensitive. I felt the tears, even though they didn’t quite make their way to my eyes.

This isn’t a somber tale, though. On the contrary, it’s a reminder of how we can be soothed in the, seemingly, most ordinary ways. Our senses are powerful.

As we made our way up the sidewalk, the couple walking behind us was speaking in Armenian. Even though I wasn’t listening to what they were saying, the SOUND was soothing. The familiar tone and rhythm of language that evoked memories of my parents and extended family conversing, sharing thoughts, feelings and experiences.

And then there was the SOUND of the music…reminiscent of events we attended and, even, the Armenian Radio Hour my father would listen to every Sunday morning, while sitting at our dining room table, eating his breakfast and reading the newspaper. Music that was both entertaining and soulful, a reminder of our culture’s rich heritage…

As I looked around the festival grounds, the SIGHT of the people milling around was like seeing myself, my family, my ancestral background…so very comforting. Similar facial features, hair, eye color…a belonging of sorts.

It was lunchtime when we arrived and, if you know you know, Armenian food festivals shine in the church auditorium. The SMELL and TASTE of shish kebab and rice pilaf - amazing - like being home - the rich flavors and scents of long ago family meals. Something so ordinary (and taken for granted) as a child and now so special….

Even the feel of holding the skewer (Shish) and sliding the pieces of meat (Kebab) down to the plate was so familiar. The power of TOUCH…

Something deep in my memory and my heart stirred…I wanted to cry…but not sad tears. How would I describe the experience? More of an image than a word - a warm blanket. Like being enveloped by something so very soothing…at a time when I really needed it.

The capacity to be soothed, through our senses, exists for all of us. We’re wired for it. Sometimes, we may be more sensitive with one sense than another. We’re all different. I encourage you to experiment and find what moves you. A familiar smell, a sight or a sound…the feel of something or a taste that evokes well being. It’s an opportunity to get to know ourselves better. To build a toolkit that we can access when needed…

Can you remember an occasion in which you were transported to another time or place when one or more of your senses was activated?

https://throughmymindseyeblog.com/2025/09/22/i-was-told-there-would-be-shish-kebab/