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The Baby Loss Doula

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Morris, IL
The Baby Loss Doula

Providing in person and virtual birth & bereavement support to those experiencing baby loss.

Birth and Bereavement doula support, in home and hospital support for miscarriage and stillbirth, pregnancy after loss support

01/08/2025

Five years ago today, we held our firstborn son for the first and last time. At 1:50 a.m. on January 8th, 2020, our sweet Oliver was born—a tiny 1lb 13oz and 12 inches long. He was everything I had ever dreamed of and more. The moment I saw him, I was overcome with the same rush of oxytocin, pride, and love I felt when I first held his sister. I was so proud of him, so in awe of this beautiful little boy we created. But my joy was crushed by the weight of losing him. His life ended before it could even begin, and mine has never been the same.

It’s been five years, and the pain hasn’t gone anywhere. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think of him. I wonder who he would be today—what his voice would sound like, what his laugh would feel like in my heart. I think about his tiny hands and wonder how it would feel to hold them now and watch him grow up into the person he was meant to be. The what ifs never stop, and the answers will never come.

I’m still angry. Angry at the unfairness of it all. Why him? Why us? Why do I have to live in a world that doesn’t include him? This grief is relentless, and the ache of missing him never lets up.

Oli, I miss you with every piece of my broken heart. I know you are still with me in ways I can’t fully see or touch, but deeply feel. Our connection is unbreakable, transcending the limits of this world. I will never stop loving you, never stop wishing I could hold you again, never stop wondering what could have been.. My love for you is endless, baby boy. 🌩🤍🦋🌙

05/07/2024

On this day, my heart aches for my sweet Oliver. 🦋

Four years have passed since your estimated due date,

And the pain of your absence still lingers just as strong.

As a doula, I understand the unpredictability of due dates,

But as a mother, that date connected me to you in a special way.

I want to know the 4-year-old you would be today,

To see your smile and hear your laughter fill our home.

But instead, May 7th serves as a painful reminder

Of the dreams and moments we were robbed of.

I struggle to find the words to honor you

On this day that should have been filled with joy.

You're my everything, Oliver, and I feel your absence

In every corner of my life.

I miss you more than words could ever express,

And my heart aches for the future we will never have.

You should be here with us, my sweet boy.

May 7th will always be a day of remembrance,

A day to honor the light you brought into our lives.

I love you, Oliver, more than you will ever know.

You are missed every single day,

And I wish with all my heart that you were here.🕊️💔

01/23/2024

Though they may not be in our arms, their presence is felt in every corner of our world.

Every sunrise that paints the sky, they are there, whispering love and strength into our hearts.

In the gentle breeze that rustles the leaves, we feel their tender touch, reminding us that they are always near.

Their spirit dances in the vibrant colors of a rainbow, reminding us that hope exists even in the darkest of days.

When the night falls, we know they are among the twinkling stars, guiding us with their everlasting love.✨️

In every act of kindness and every moment of joy, they are there, urging us to embrace life's precious gifts.

Our babies may not be here as we planned, but their love transcends the boundaries of time and space.

Everywhere we go, everything we do, there they are.🦋

📷

10/16/2023

Sending so much love to everyone lighting a candle tonight. 🤍

I know this time of year, and the changing seasons knock a lot of us on our asses.

You're never alone. 🕯

Missing my Oli a little extra today 😔

10/09/2023

Hey there, it's been a while since I've posted, but the amount of new followers recently has truly touched my heart. 😢

It saddens me to see my following grow, knowing that it means more families are facing the devastating loss of their precious babies. 💔 But on the brighter side, I'm filled with comfort knowing that these incredible individuals are finding the baby loss community.

So, let me take a moment to reintroduce myself to all the new faces here. I'm Christa - the compassionate soul behind this profile. As a birth & bereavement doula and a placenta encapsulation specialist serving the Chicagoland area, my mission is to provide unwavering physical, emotional, and informational support to families going through the miracle of birth, no matter the trimester or circumstance. 🤰🏻🌟

On a personal note, I am a mother of three, with two beautiful living children who bring immense joy to my life. However, I also know the heart-wrenching pain of losing my beloved son, Oliver, at 23 weeks due to a fatal condition. 💔 It is this very pain that has transformed into my purpose, allowing me to find healing in supporting expecting families during their most vulnerable moments.

So, if you or someone you know is facing the overwhelming challenges of pregnancy, never forget that you don't have to go through it alone. 🤝💕 I'm here to lend a helping hand, share the load of emotions, provide keepsakes, resources, and the guidance you deserve. Together, let's find strength in community and turn heartache into healing. 🙏

05/14/2023

"Happy" Mother's Day to ALL of the mamas out there. I know this day can sting, seeing all of the blissful Mother's Day posts from people who get to spend every day with ALL of their babies. It's hard, but you're not alone. ❤️
You'll always be the mother to your baby(ies). Whether you hold them in your arms or your heart. You are their mama for eternity, and you deserve to be celebrated.

05/07/2023

As a birth worker, I know all too well that babies are rarely born on their due date.

As a loss mama, it's one of the very few pieces of information I'll ever have about Oliver.

May 7, 2020. His estimated due date.

What I would do to have him here, three years old, healthy and thriving.

I can't help but wonder what it would be like to see all three of my babies growing up together.

Or what it would be like to hear the question "how many kids do you have?" without feeling my face get hot and stumble over my words, trying to find the "correct" response.

There is nothing more painful than continuing to live after saying goodbye to your own flesh and blood.

There is nothing more lonely or depressing than missing a child only you ever got to know.

Although this grief, pain, and love is heavy, I would never undo his existence just to undo my pain.

I'd do it all over again, knowing the outcome, just to have known him for a second.

The years keep passing, and yet, my love keeps growing. ❤️‍🩹

Everything I am,
Everything I do,
Is because of you, Oliver Michael.

04/21/2022

To the person I was before my babies died,

You will not believe where life has taken us and what life has taken from us. If I stood in front of you today and told you our story of loss and grief, you would probably stare back at me in disbelief. You might not think it possible for us to have endured all that we have endured. But, we have and we have survived.

I know you have always envisioned having a family. I know you imagine it will be very easy to become a mother. You have very specific guidelines for how it will look to build your family. Well, you are in for a shock because it is going to be much more difficult than you could ever imagine.

You will experience loss and heartbreak and you will experience them over and over again. You will wonder why this is so hard for you when it seems to be so easy for others. You will question whether a living child will ever be your reality.

I know you have a rich imagination and you can get carried away when you daydream. Would it break your heart to know that there will be days where you will not allow yourself to dream because it will cause you incredible pain?

I’m also sad to say that you might not even recognize the dreams of your future self. I imagine you would wonder if you can still call them dreams when they are grounded by so many limitations.

You see yourself as strong, but you have no idea how strong you really are. The magnitude of your strength will not be demonstrated until you feel completely broken.

I know that you strive for happiness and you are afraid of sadness. You are afraid to acknowledge pain because you are worried it will chase away your joy.

You’ll get over that.

You are much wiser now and you understand that there is space for all of your emotions to coexist. You will learn to honor your feelings and in turn, you will learn how to better honor yourself.

You are incredible and I hope one day you will love yourself the way that I do. You’ve come so far and we have so much further left to go.

Love, Me

04/15/2022

For too many women pregnant after a loss, there’s suddenly all this pressure to focus on the baby you have in your womb while ignoring or forgetting the one who came before. We have all known people who say: “You must be so happy you can put the past behind you!” or “So

04/05/2022

Microchimerism, discovered in 1893 by German pathologist Georg Schmorl, means specifically to us bereaved mothers, that our very cells hold DNA from our beloved babies.

So in perhaps psychological and spiritual terms, many of us believe our babies will always be part of us, but, it is true in physical terms, as well.

Our babies matter. They are a part of us. And, they change us.

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Morris, IL

Telephone

+17029635766

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