04/22/2026
I'm hearing it frequently these days - and I know I've said it myself:
"I'm just so angry."
"I'm full of rage."
Particularly for those of us who identify as women, this can be a very difficult emotion to experience. And unfortunately it is frequently followed by shame. That's because anger feels out of control, it feels uncomfortable - sometimes, it even feels dangerous. I'm reminded of a scene in a television show I enjoy called "The Newsroom" in which the producer, Mackenzie McHale (played by Emily Mortimer) instructs her anchor and estranged love interest Will McAvoy (played by Jeff Daniels) to step away from her and go to the other side of the room because, as she says, "There's a credible threat I'm going to hit you." But Mortimer's character isn't being violent- or cruel. She's reacting to something McAvoy has shared that is so deeply upsetting to her that the anger wells up. In the scene, she fights it off (and never hits Will.)
The Newsroom character experiences a violation - and, as a result, a deep sense of injustice. This injustice manifests itself as anger and, for a moment, the threat of violence. But it's not cruelty. It's pain. When we encounter injustice, it sparks pain - and we often respond with anger. That's not shameful. That's awareness that something is wrong.
Is there "bad" anger? Absolutely. Anger that is rooted in hate, in fear, in the desire to overpower someone, is absolutely toxic. However, I find people experiencing that type of anger are far more interested in justifying their actions and even their violence and far less interested in controlling it. They don't feel shame - they feel entitled.
Intention matters. So what's the intention at the root of your anger right now? If it's injustice, know you are not alone and should not be ashamed. Also, however, it's important to channel that anger in ways that 1) releases it from your body and 2) does not inflict damage on someone else. Yes - scream into the woods, run hard (even if you only last 1/2 a block), take up boxing, or bake something that would usually need to be mixed with a mixer - but do it by hand! Throw paint. Play loud music. Cry. But do not punish yourself for experiencing it - you see the injustice - and it is painful - but you can handle it and eventually use it for action.
