The Better Living Collaborative

01/19/2026

01/18/2026

What makes one brain process something as trauma and another one not?
We have absolutely no idea.

We do know trauma is part of the human experience - we know almost all humans experience trauma.

And while there are all kinds of different definitions for 'trauma' (including the many academic ones I've studied), I've developed this one as a simple reminder that there's no measurement for your trauma and nothing that should dissuade you or embarrass you. Those of us who have been through it, have expertise and experience, and want to help will never tell you that what you're working through isn't 'serious' enough. That's not a thing.

So, if you're still struggling to decide whether or not you want to reach out, try thinking of your trauma like this:
It's just a hard thing that happened that isn't done being heard yet.

You'll start feeling much better about things once it's been given its voice, and you've developed the skills to navigate the story it's telling.

You got this. I'm here to help. DM me to learn more.

01/16/2026

I'm hearing it frequently these days - and I know I've said it myself:
"I'm just so angry."
"I'm full of rage."

Particularly for those of us who identify as women, this can be a very difficult emotion to experience. And unfortunately it is frequently followed by shame. That's because anger feels out of control, it feels uncomfortable - sometimes, it even feels dangerous. I'm reminded of a scene in a television show I enjoy called "The Newsroom" in which the producer, Mackenzie McHale (played by Emily Mortimer) instructs her anchor and estranged love interest Will McAvoy (played by Jeff Daniels) to step away from her and go to the other side of the room because, as she says, "There's a credible threat I'm going to hit you." But Mortimer's character isn't being violent- or cruel. She's reacting to something McAvoy has shared that is so deeply upsetting to her that the anger wells up. In the scene, she fights it off (and never hits Will.)

The Newsroom character experiences a violation - and, as a result, a deep sense of injustice. This injustice manifests itself as anger and, for a moment, the threat of violence. But it's not cruelty. It's pain. When we encounter injustice, it sparks pain - and we often respond with anger. That's not shameful. That's awareness that something is wrong.

Is there "bad" anger? Absolutely. Anger that is rooted in hate, in fear, in the desire to overpower someone, is absolutely toxic. However, I find people experiencing that type of anger are far more interested in justifying their actions and even their violence and far less interested in controlling it. They don't feel shame - they feel entitled.

Intention matters. So what's the intention at the root of your anger right now? If it's injustice, know you are not alone and should not be ashamed. Also, however, it's important to channel that anger in ways that 1) releases it from your body and 2) does not inflict damage on someone else. Yes - scream into the woods, run hard (even if you only last 1/2 a block), take up boxing, or bake something that would usually need to be mixed with a mixer - but do it by hand! Throw paint. Play loud music. Cry. But do not punish yourself for experiencing it - you see the injustice - and it is painful - but you can handle it and eventually use it for action.

01/15/2026

It doesn't do anyone good to have resources that are out of reach. That's why I'm working on a revamp of the Radically Well Academy to include a host of very low-cost, self-driven, self-paced tools. I know all-too-well how difficult it can be to access help and support, within a budget and a schedule, especially in the aftermath of those really tough moments.

Download my free guide (the link is in the comments) and get on my mailing list so that you can get access to these tools for yourself and for those you love.

01/14/2026

Some of the rhetoric around words like trauma and triggers is really misleading and really damaging for people who have to deal with those things on a daily basis.

If you're struggling with them, I encourage you to advocate for yourself, but I'm also encouraging those of you who DON'T have these forces working in your life to be the voices needed: stop someone before they throw around these words. Make a simple but profound change in this kind of messaging.

01/13/2026

It’s okay to miss people who hurt you.
Healing is complicated—you can hold nostalgia and boundaries at the same time.
Missing someone doesn’t mean you should invite them to dinner.

01/13/2026

Healing isn’t simple—it’s messy, intense, and sometimes downright confusing. You’ll probably ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?” more than once. So, here’s the real secret: it’s not just about feeling better (though that’s pretty amazing when it happens!), it’s about becoming a force for good. Your healing creates a ripple effect, inspiring others to repair and grow, too. 🌱

Healing serves the world— and you can be the change that stops the cycle of damage.

01/12/2026

There has been so much heaviness, tragedy, and trauma lately. So many of us are grieving, or feeling fearful, or angry, or maybe even in shock. Maybe all of the above.

But, we don't always know what to do with these kinds of feelings in the midst of a trauma or in the midst of a chaotic world. So, very often, individuals - especially those with freeze and fawn trauma responses - will just keep going about their normal routines.

If this is you, please know it's absolutely normal to do this. If this is someone you know, please don't categorize this person as someone who 'doesn't care.' You see, routine is a regulator. Routine can be, in and of itself, a nervous system regulator that signals to our body things are okay (or going to be.) Why would we want this? Because in order to respond, to cope, to eventually process the weight of what is going on around us, we have to be able to function. If your nervous system has been hijacked by the traumatic experience, that can't happen. So, when you're cleaning out a closet, or planning for the work week, or going grocery shopping, you're giving your nervous system a chance to break away from the trauma response and giving your brain critical time to think clearly, organize thoughts, and make plans.

Mental wellness is about balance: especially when living through real life situations. We've seen horrifying things recently, we've experienced both real and vicarious trauma, and many of us have felt very threatened. But, we also have the pressure of living: paying bills, taking care of our families, going to school or keeping other commitments. Life won't necessarily stop and so we must permit ourselves to do both things - process and release our emotions, and find ways to cope. Routine is one way we can cope.

01/12/2026

“Healing is creative work.”

Let your imagination help you process, rebuild, and dream—yes, even with glitter involved.
Messy art is still medicine.

01/11/2026

The number of times I hear 'Well, but - I'm not really sure...' after inquiring about a trauma or an abusive encounter is extraordinarily high.

Why? Because we still have this message that abusive behavior is only overt. That it is always loud, raging, physically aggressive behavior that leaves a mark. We believe s*xually abusive behavior is always a r*pe and always done brutally, usually by someone we don't know.

Those kinds of abuses certainly exist (sadly). And they are awful.

But so, too, does the kind of abuse that gaslights someone into submission and causes them to stop believing or trusting themselves. The kind that causes them to discount anything short of that overt abuse as 'okay.'

Physical, s*xual, and psychological abuses usually do not announce themselves as abuse - in fact, they are often followed up by a kindness of some sort: a text message, a small gift, a period of especially helpful or appreciative behavior... Or, they may be followed up by a justification - they were having such a bad day, or even more gaslighting - that you were just being so difficult, so unfair, or so resistant...

So the story becomes one of confusion, self-doubt, and self-blame. Then story becomes symptoms: insomnia, depression, hypervigilance, anxiety...

Let me assure that if it was really 'okay,' these would not be your responses. That's not what 'okay' feels like. So, if this is your experience, it's time to reach out for that support - you deserve to feel much better than 'okay' to begin with. And, you deserve a safe place to explore what's happened so that it doesn't continue to limit your experiences. We can't change what's happened but we can change how what's happened is affecting us.

Reach out. There's support available. And you are worth it!

01/09/2026

You have value always - being at 'the top' is not required.